Brian just grins and guns the engine. I give a somewhat jaunty wave -- if I do say so myself -- to Fat Marlie, who scowls and jumps out of the way as we zoom past. Yeah, the past couple of weeks without a lift home had really sucked. It’s a relief to be talking to Brian again, even if I do sort of owe that little shit Justin for it. I think he’s taking Intervention 101 lessons from my mother.

“So how was your day, dear?” Brian drawls in falsetto as we ease onto Butler.

“Let’s see. The district manager took us out to lunch at this new pita place.”

“Wait. Is that the same district manager who thinks Tracy and Little Mikey are on intimate acquaintance?”

“It’s Big Mikey, and fuck you,” I laugh. “The new Christmas decorations came in; I picked up one of the glow-in-the-dark Santa’s for Ma. She’s gonna love it. Oh, and that classic Crater-Head figurine finally arrived from eBay!” I’m practically salivating at that one.

I don’t have to look to know that Brian is rolling his eyes. “Mikey, you are sooo--”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Like your day was so much better.”

“Pretty typical, actually,” Brian says. “Landed a new account, re-worked the mockups for Liberty Air, fucked one of the junior execs on my desk. And I had a really great latte.” He fakes a yawn. “Same old, same old.”

“Whoa, hold on.” I glance at Brian, who’s watching me out of the corner of his eye as he takes the turn onto Buckley. “You drink latte?” He snorts out a laugh and I settle back in my seat. There’s no way... that’s just too... Even Brian wouldn’t... “You did not.”

“Kip did a good job,” he shrugs. “I figure he deserved a Christmas bonus.”

Oh my god, he did.

“You fucked him in your office?” I manage to get out.

“It was the best thing to come across my desk in a long time.”

He really really did.

I love Brian. Always have, always will. Maybe one of the reasons I love him is that in sixteen some-odd years of friendship, he still never fails to surprise me. “You are unbelievable,” I tell him.

Brian smirks. “Yeah. That’s what he said.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I insist, shaking my head in an attempt to dislodge the image of sweat-slicked Brian that’s suddenly fixated there. I mean, I was the one who picked out that new clear lucite desk in Brian’s office. Now I understand what he meant when he said that it needed to be tested for durability. Oh Christ, does that mean he fucked the salesclerk on it?

“Don’t tell me nobody’s ever had a big O at the Big-Q?” Brian is saying.

Oh man, the last thing on my mind when I’m at work is sex. I think there’s actually something in the industrial cleaning fluid they use on the floors that hinders the libido. And the blue smocks aren’t exactly the stuff of porn fantasies. I shake my head in response to Brian’s question. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Well, I would. First hand, and I mean first hand experience.”

You know, there are only so many revelations a man can take in one day. I truly hope I’m wrong about this one. “Are you saying--?”

“You remember last Christmas when I came to pick you up and you were setting up for Santa’s workshop?”

Oh god no. “Not Santa! Don’t tell me you fucked Santa!”

Brian hesitates, and I close my eyes and expect the worst. It’s only when he denies it that I can relax again. Because c’mon... it’s Santa. I feel like I have to do penance and it wasn’t even me that fucked him. Or the elf. Oh man, the elf. I’ve got the same guys scheduled to work again this Christmas. They start next week. I am not going to be able to look at that elf without cracking up.

I guess with Brian and this employee though, it’ll just be business as usual.

“But you better be careful,” I warn. I know a fuck’s just a fuck, at least for Brian. And he must have made that clear to this Kip guy. “I mean, doing it in your office may be a little too high risk even for you.”

Brian looks astounded. “What? He asked for it; he came on to me. I gave him a great opportunity, and a great fuck. He has no complaints.”

I nod and lean back in my seat. “Okay. But you might want to make it clear to him--”

“It’s clear, Mikey. Christ, quit worrying.”

Yeah. You might as well ask me to quit breathing. I worry. It’s the Italian in me.

“You can just drop me off at Ma’s,” I tell Brian when we’ve gone a few more blocks. “I’ve gotta drop off the Santa, then I’m meeting Ted. We’re going to try to convince Em to come out for dinner.”

I side-glance at Brian, but he’s still concentrating on the road. Maybe he’s ticked that I’m not doing cartwheels over his latest conquest. I don’t know. I’m still kind of traumatized by the elf revelation. “You’re welcome to come if you want.”

Brian flicks his eyes briefly in my direction. “Thanks, but like I said, Kip already took care of that.”

“Uh huh. Down to once a day, are you?”

“No. I just figured I’d pick up Justin for the other four,” he snipes back as he pulls up out front of the house.

I refuse to analyze why that pisses me off. “Yeah well--”

“Need any help with your bags?” Brian cuts me off.

“No, I’m--”

“Great. Then send Justin out, will you?” He smiles and leans across me to open the passenger door. “And I’ll see you tomorrow, Mikey.”

Well, I’ve been dismissed. I gather my shit and trudge up to the house, determined to shake off any gloomy thoughts that are gathering. Brian’s probably just distracted by his new campaign. Yeah, that’s all.