The absence of any of these things disturbed him more than he would admit.

Brian blinked into the darkness, unsure for a moment what had woken him. Then he saw Justin, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. The sparse light from the window fell across his back, accentuating the slender column of his neck, the curve of his spine. He instinctively reached out a hand to Justin’s back, just wanting to touch. Just touch.

“What are you doing?” he managed to croak out, voice husky from sleep. His hand fell short of its target, smooth pale flesh so close. “Lay down.”

“I was just thinking.”

Brian nodded, pressed his lips together, and tried to remember what it was like to be eighteen and preparing for the first day of college. Driving to school in a beat up Volvo that he‘d bought for five hundred bucks that he couldn‘t really afford to spend. He vaguely remembered pulling over to the side of the road, hyperventilating. Free of Jack and Joanie at last. But so fucking terrified. And no Mikey to make it all better.

Brian drew in a breath. “It’s 4:20 in the morning. You’re starting school in less than five hours. Lay down and get some fucking sleep.”

“I don’t have a dream.”

Brian pinched his nose and mentally counted to ten. “What the fuck?”

Justin glanced over his shoulder, and he looked so earnest that Brian bit back on the rest of his planned tirade. “Don’t you think it’s weird?” Justin said, sliding around so he faced Brian. “I’m just going to college. I should have a plan. A goal. Some kind of dream. But I don’t.”

Brian reached behind him for his cigarettes. Apparently this was going to be a long night. “I thought you wanted to be a famous artiste,” he said around the smoke.

Justin’s shoulders rose in exasperation. “I don’t know! For the longest time I wanted to be a computer animator. The things you can create... they seem almost alive. And that would be so cool. But I love to sketch, too. And I really want to start working with oils and watercolours. Imagine seeing something I painted hanging in a gallery?” Justin ran his fingers through his hair. “I have no idea what I should be focusing on. I have no idea what I want.”

“That’s what college is for. To help you set your goals.” Brian leaned back to let the smoke drift toward the ceiling. “Define and refine.”

Justin cocked his head. “Did you know what you wanted to be before you got to college?”

“Yeah.” Brian grinned as he reached back to butt out his smoke. “But I’m unique. One might even say extraordinary.”

“One might.”

Justin ducked his head, but even in the dim light from the window Brian could see the blush that darkened his cheeks. “What?”

“Before, I thought that my dream was to get you. It was all I thought about. All I strived for. All I ever wanted.” Justin raised his head and smiled smugly. “And it worked. I got you.”

Brian was saved from having to respond when Justin slid in next to him, fitting his head snugly against Brian’s shoulder. “Maybe that’s why I don’t have a dream,” Justin said around a yawn. “My dream already came true.”