Don't forget to use your Back Arrow to return to Qaklz’ Main Page.

To Send your questions to Qaklz please sends to qaklz@yahoo.ca with Subject: Dear Qaklz 

 
Hi: 
         No one writes and asks Qaklz questions.  Why not?  Are Qaklz’ answers too disturbing?  Could it be no one likes Qaklz’ ponderous wit?  
Ah well, society seldom recognizes true genius until they can make money selling the results.  
 
        A kind person wants to know how to pronounce Qaklz. Pronounce Qaklz as cackles.  Qaklz is the sound a hen makes when it cackles. 
 
        Qaklz has a question for you.  Do you know where a hen’s lips are located?
 
        To ask Qaklz a question, or give an answer, send an email to qaklz@yahoo.ca and Qalkz will tell you something.
 
 
 
Dear Qaklz:
 
Why are wives such chatter boxes?
 
From
Deaf in Dease Lake
 
Dear Deaf:
 
Wives are chatterboxes?  They are trying to get someone to hear them. Qaklz knows how husbands listen.  They only hear part of what wives say.  Here is what the husband hears in bold all caps type….
WHY haven’t you fixed the leaking taps in the bathroom?
I am NOT very impressed with the water bill.
You could GET a job, you know.
How can I get the house cleaned with all these DIRTY socks lying around?
We need a new car AND our roof leaks.
I wish you wouldn’t FOOL AROUND so much.
I am fed up WITH this.
You don’t seem to care how much work this is for ME.
 
Take Qaklz’ advice … turn off TV and turn up hearing aid.
 
Sincerely 
Qaklz
 
 
 
    Dear Qaklz:
 
It is snowing where I live.  Do you know if it snows in California?
 
 
Frigid in Fort St. John
__________________________________________________________________
 
Dear Frigid:
 
If you haven’t thought of a great way to stay warm California won’t help.
 
Qaklz
 

Dear Qaklz:

 

My cat won’t stay off the kitchen counter. What can I do?

 

Found Footprints

 

Dear Found:

 

You could sell the cat.

You could put tinfoil on the counter; you could shoot the cat with a blast of cold water from a water pistol every time you catch it on the counter. You could put double sided tape on the counter so when it jumps up it sticks to the counter where you can spray it over and over until it learns to hide the water pistol. Or you could put the double-sided tape on the cat’s feet and stick it to the floor.

You could sell the cat.

 

Your friend

Qaklz

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Qaklz:

 

What do you do with a snotty cat?

 

Annoyed cat owner

 

Dear Annoyed:

 

Bath that kitty. Qaklz doesn’t know why you are annoyed. The snotty kitty should be annoyed. Where did the snot come from? Are you blowing your nose on your kitty? If you are Qaklz doesn’t like you. Bad Annoyed.

 

Yours truly,

 

Qaklz

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Qaklz:

 

Are you the Qaklz that draws terrible pictures of our Premier, Gordon Campbell?

 

Steamed in Victoria

 

 

Dear Steamed:

 

Yes.

 

Qaklz

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Qaklz,
 
               I have a mouse problem in my garage out on the acreage.
They seem to like to get in under the hood of my truck
to build nests up beside the engine block. Someone told
me that dryer sheets are a deterrent. Have you any
advice?
 
Toyo Tillie
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Toyo Tillie:
 
               First, go to the car wash and remove all the nice mouse messages (mouse urine that 
says, “Room for Rent”).  Then add something mice don’t like.  Mice don’t like pepper spray but 
neither do mechanics and the residue would be nasty. You could spray vinegar on the engine 
block as mice don’t like that either, but don’t spray vinegar on any wiring. 
               If the dryer sheets are strong smelling they will work but mice like them for nest
 material once they lose their scent.         
               A backyard mechanic said you could duct tape S.O.S. pads to the engine block and fool 
the mice into thinking there is no more room at the inn.  Qaklz thinks that mechanic is watching 
the Red Green Show too much. 
               As another resort you could bribe the mice by building a big mouse house (a mini-
mouse resort hotel) near the parking area.  If you heat it with a teeny, tiny, light bulb they will 
move over there and leave your Toyota alone.
 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Qaklz:

 
 
My husband shouts instructions at me while we are crossing the street.  
How can I get him to stop?
 

Fried in Winnipeg

 

 

Dear Fried:

 

Why do you want the poor man to stop while you’re crossing the street? You should have your head read. Qaklz would shout instructions at you too.

 

Qaklz

 

This site contains copyrighted material. It is unlawful to use cartoons or any other material on this site, or any of the links, in any type of print or electronic media without prior written permission from the author/s.