Father O'leary is doing confession one Sunday when he realizes he has to pee. He peeks his head out of the confessional and sees a group of altar boys sitting in the pews. He calls out for one and asks the little boy to take his place while he goes to the bathroom, "Whenever they enter, allow them to confess, and using this list, give them the appropriate repentance." There's a list posted on his side of the confessional.
"For theft, 6 hail-marys. For murder, 12 hail-marys and an hour of silent prayer, and so on, ya got it." The boy nods and proceeds to wait.

Along comes a lady who enters the confessional and begins "Father, it's been 2 weeks since my last confession." The boy, in a low,manly voice responds "Yes, go on my child." She continues to tell him that she gave a blowjob to a man who was not her husband.

The boy scans the list saying to himself "Blowjob, blowjob, where's the friggin blowjob". Well there's no listing for blowjob, so he looks out and asks Tony, another altar boy, "Hey Tony, what does Father O'leary give for a blowjob?"

Tony goes, "A handful of Gummi Bears and a Snickers bar."

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman.

He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

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