How do crazy people go through the forest? -----They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water? ----- Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? ----- She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? ----- "Dam".

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? ----- Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? ----- Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? ----- A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? ----- Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers? ----- Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? ----- Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? ----- Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? ----- Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? ----- A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? ----A pool table.

What is a zebra? ----- 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? ----- Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you get virgin wool from? ----- Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? -----They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? -----They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? ---- Because they have big fingers.

A wise man once said: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

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