rock

This add was recently posted on eBay by me, but got cancelled before the 10 days were up because they claim they do not promote or allow pages that are posted as jokes. This one lasted 8 days but the one with a paper bag almost filled with dirt only lasted two...

OWN AN ORIGINAL PIECE
OF THE PLANET EARTH!

Offered here, for your review and consideration is an honest to goodness, no-holds-barred, genuine solid as rock, . . . . . . rock, from our very own planet Earth. This piece of stone could be well more than 30 million years old or more. Who can say? Hey, this planet (Earth) is that old isn’t it? When else could it have been made? There have not been any rocks made lately. And there have not been any volcanoes on the East Coast lately to spew forth fresh molten lava to the surface to later cool and harden. I know. I would have heard about that! CNN would have covered it for hours on end, live, on TV.

Don’t settle for a piece of the rock. Here is your chance to own the whole thing!

Now what is it worth to own your very own piece of the planet Earth?

It is elegant enough for displaying proudly on you mantle, with the proper footing and correct lighting, of course, yet versatile enough to crack open the hardest peanut shells. (Limited warranty applies.) Not intended for throwing at animals or giants...

Oh, sure, it could be a piece of meteorite that fell to earth from, oh, say, maybe the moon, or Mars, or Orion’s belt, but, hey, that would make it even more valuable. NOW, what would you pay?

I have personally had this piece of igneous rock in my possession for almost at least over maybe 41 years, or so, I believe; I’m not really sure. It might not have been this exact one and certainly could have been another one all together, but I know it’s really, really old. Really old! ... ... ... Really!

Now is your opportunity of a lifetime to own, outright, a genuine piece of this planet we call "Home". I know I call it home! Well, that is, actually I call my house in Georgia, HOME, but the planet is my back yard, and I’m offering you a piece of my yard. This rock comes complete with a genuine original, hand numbered certificate of authenticity made commercially from wood fiber pulp process whereby a slurry of 96% water and 4% recycled fiber is stretched over a steel mesh drum and wound onto a core ... but I digress.

The paper for the certificate was made by a really well known paper manufacturer. When you receive it, you will find that it is completely filled out . . . with real ink . . . in my own handwriting, by me . . . and signed by me personally, not by one of my assistants, and is suitable and ready for framing. (Sorry! Frame not included.) Notary stamp, if desired, will be $5.00 extra and must be requested in writing, at time of your order . . . when responding. The certificate is worth the asking price alone.

It’s the perfect gift. No batteries needed. No assembly required. Maintenance free. Ideal for gathering Moss, if left unrolled. Full color! It also makes a Jim-dandy door stop, too, as well, even. Item may or may not be shown actual size, depending upon the dimensions of your monitor, but certainly not the size of the photo if you click on it. If you make that mistake and want to go back to this page, click your browser back arrow .

This offer is practically legal in all 50 states and territories of the United States, except Arkansas, of course. Not available to full time residents of Canada!

Si no Hable Espanole! Nous parle Francais, mais tres mal.

Winning bidder must be prepared to cover all fright expenses, er, um, I mean freight expenses. This nostalgic geological find, shown in the photo is approximately 2.5 inches across by 2.25 inches wide and approximately 1.25 inches high. It weighs about 0.97 ounces. Therefore, the freight is estimated at $4.20 and that includes being carefully wrapped by human hands and transported to the shipping dock by me or one of my assistants.

Insurance ($0.85) available upon request: recommended, but not required. . . absolutely not required . . . at all.

Don’t miss out. Hurry! Only 16,432,899,443 remain in my inventory, so get yours today before they’re all gone! But please don’t bid unless you intend to complete the transaction!

I reserve the right to substitute the item shown in the photo for one of my choosing from my inventory.

Item will be shipped upon receipt of payment. Personal checks accepted but must clear the bank before the item will be sent. Money Orders will cause the item to ship within two days of receipt.

And be sure to watch for my next auction when I list a bag almost filled with dirt! It was never actually filled with dirt, but we almost filled it with dirt one time. Instead, we left it empty. Your choice of paper or plastic. Same low price, either way. Coming soon to an auction near you . . .

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You can e-mail any questions you have direct to Me .

Don't be the last person on your block to get one. Bid now and bid often.

The claims of this auction item are in no way meant to deceive ANYONE and are presented purely as a way to convey that up for auction is a ROCK! Bid of your own choosing and free will, and rest assured that if you are successful, you will in fact receive in the mail, a ROCK - most likely the one depicted in the photographs contained herein, but who knows?