I grew up in the minority Muslim community of secular Singapore. My teacher
father and social worker mother were both social activists and
leaders of the community. I consider myself fortunate that because of my
mixed parentage, my religious education was a combination of the
traditional method of learning about Islam and the broader approach of
a convert.
So we had an Ustazah coming to the house to teach us to read the Quran and
perform the Solat in the right manner. My mother’s family was strict about
performing the five daily prayers right on time and in carrying out all the
other obligations imposed on Muslims.
My better understanding of the religion, however, came from my father who was
the epitome of Islamic ideals. He emphasized the values that Islam
expected of its followers – integrity, diligence, patience, compassion,
charity, and the importance of amanah – what we are entrusted
with and our duties to discharge that trust in accordance with Allah’s teachings.
I learnt and absolutely believe that the Quran is the Word of God, meant as
a guide to mankind for all times and for all places. To me, the Quran is
the anchor that prevents the ship of society from being buffeted by the
winds of change in human behaviour resulting from a refusal to obey
God’s prescriptions for human conduct.
From my constant reading of a paperback copy of Pickthall’s translation of the
Quran while I was growing up, I was able to quote in English, verses
which were to help me through life’s difficult times. Sadly,
despite several forays into intensive Arabic courses, I am still unable to
quote the Arabic text.
Surrounded as I was by people who personified Islamic values, it was
inevitable that I develop a strong faith. The first test of my faith was when
the question of marriage came up. I had been dating a Hindu classmate
and under Islamic Law a Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man.
For a valid Muslim marriage, my intended had to convert to Islam. Perhaps this
is why many of my Muslim friends will not date non-Muslim men – to
avoid this difficult situation. Our situation was made even more
difficult because we were presented with a choice.
We were in Singapore and the Women’s Charter allows a civil marriage between a
Muslim and a non-Muslim. Such a marriage would be valid by Singapore law
but not according to Islam.
The Islamic Law on capacity to marry is codified from verse 2:221 of the Quran:
“Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe ?
Nor marry your girls to unbelievers until they believe ?”
Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s commentary of this verse explains: “If religion is at all
a real influence in life to both parties or to either party, a
difference in this vital matter must affect the lives of both more
profoundly than differences of birth, race, language or position in life.
It is therefore only right that the parties to be married should
have the same spiritual outlook. If two persons love each other, their outlook
in the highest things of life must be the same.” That is the
traditional view.
There are those who advocate an amendment to the law, arguing that the Quran
should be interpreted contextually –relate the text to its socio-
historical context and then relate it to the present.
I have done that with the verse above but I am unable to identify the change
in society that justifies a shift from the traditional
interpretation.
The argument that women today are better educated, economically independent
and more mobile does not rebut Abdullah Yusuf Ali’s explanation.
Has anyone studied mixed marriages where only the wife is Muslim? What
is the effect on the spirituality of the woman, the upbringing of the children
and the general pattern of their lives?
Such studies would be more relevant for consideration than the other reasons
that have been advanced.
For example, we are told that other Muslim countries have made the changes
and their action hailed as a progressive step forward in guaranteeing Human
Rights for Muslim women. Shouldn’t we think about the impact of such
changes before blindly following them?
I hear the call to amend the relevant domestic laws so that women can have
equal rights with men in relation to the family and thus enable Malaysia to
withdraw her reservation to Article 16 of the UN Convention on the
Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women.
Muslims can subscribe to the theory of the universality of Human Rights but
only to the extent that it does not conflict with clearly stated
principles in the Quran. We cannot reject Quranic verses just to bring
ourselves in line with UN Conventions and the practice in other parts of the world.
Should the fear of being labelled “backward” push us into reforming our
Islamic laws? Shouldn’t the fear of incurring Allah’s wrath be a more
important consideration in our deliberations?
Thirty five years ago, I could not see any reason for going against the Word
of God, whatever the law of the land provided, and today, I am
still unable to find the justification for rejecting the Quranic
injunction.
So what does one do when the person one loves refuses to convert to Islam?
My advice to everyone in that situation has always been the same – break
up and go your separate ways. I have been asked how I can be so
heartless when Islam itself is not heartless.
Unfortunately, I have not found any verse that says it is all right to go
against the teachings of the Quran for the sake of someone you love. No matter
how much we may love a fellow human being, we must love Allah even more.
And that, I guess, is the bottom line – how much do we love our God?
Those who believe know that Allah will give them what is best for them, even
if it is not what they want. For me, it was a happy ending.
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