"Lord Kohanan?" Kohanan flinched at the sound of the steward's voice, probably getting ready to announce yet another minor holder who had come to visit the new Lord Holder. He toyed with the idea of telling the steward he was busy, but he was Lord Holder now and he couldn't afford to insult any minor holders.

"Yes Seivak?" Kohanan called back, taking a moment to tidy his desk and pull one of the arm chairs to face it.

The steward's blonde head appeared in the doorway. "I know you've had a long day, my Lord, but Aladron of Terias Minor Hold is here to see you."

"Send him in," Kohanan told him in the strongest voice he could muster. "I always have time for my devoted minor holders!"

Aladron was relatively new in his position, much like Kohanan, but had much more confidence in his abilities and it showed as the tall, copper-haired twenty-turn old strode into the room. "I am sorry to call so late, Lord Koharan," he apologized with the customary respectful bow though his tone was anything but. "I was held up at the Hold by my wife." He winked at Kohanan. "She's pregnant and as bad as a proddy queen."

Kohanan ignored the intentional allusion to his lack of a wife and, flashing the Minor Holder a fake smile, gestured for him to sit. "Well, I'm glad you finally made it."

"Now, your late father and I had some agreements in the works when he passed," Aladron began, immediatly all business, intending to squeeze out all he'd gotten out of the Kohanan's father and more from Kohanan himself.

"Do you have the hidework?" Kohanan asked before the other man could start proposing things. He smirked inwardly as Aladron's expression turned from unreadable to furious.

"Your father and I trusted eachother enough not to need any tedious precautions like hidework," Aladron sputtered indignantly. "I would like to have the same sort of relationship with Crater's new Lord."

Kohanan smiled. Evidently Aladron had thought him as easy to use as his father. Well, he was in for a rude surprise. "As would I. But in order to ensure that we reach exactly the same agreements as you and my father did, I need to see the hidework."

Aladron opened his mouth and then closed it like a fish. Kohanan looked at him innocently. A smile that made Kohanan very uneasy spread across the minor holder's face. "And it is most important that we do that, Lord Kohanan," Aladron said finally, his voice a controlled sneer. "Well I'm sure I have the hidework somewhere, I'll bring it into you tommorow."

With my father's forged signature and all, Kohanan thought angrily as he stood and shook hands with Aladron. "I'll see you tommorow then."

"Tomorrow," Aladron agreed as he left.

As soon as Aladron's footsteps faded down the hall, Kohanan slumped down into his chair and closed his eyes, utterly exhausted and disgusted with himself. He had watched his father as Holder and promised himself two things: that he'd never allow the minor holders to walk all over him, and that he'd always be honest and up front. Here he was, barely a month into his new position, and he had already had to break one of those promises to keep from breaking the other.

"My Lord?" Seivak asked nervously. Kohanan stifled a groan as he opened his eyes to regard the jumpy man. He really would have to find a new steward, this one was too nervous. "I am sorry to bother you, but the guardmaster would like to see you."

Kohanan willed himself to sit up straight, a harder task than it usually was. "Well send him in then!" he snapped, regretting it the next minute as Seivak cowered and fled from the room.

The guardmaster stalked into his study with the same carriage as Aladron but, thankfully, without the cockiness. He had been guardmaster since Kohanan's father had become Lord Holder and was good at what he did. Still, Aladron's visit had made Kohanan annoyed with everything and he dutifully masked his feelings from the guardmaster. "How nice of you to drop by, Taironn," Kohanan greeted the man with a plastered smile.

"Don't try to pull that politics nonsense with me, boy," Taironn growled. "Your father never fooled me for a second and you sharding well won't either. I know you're tired, but you're going to have to listen to me anyway."

A real smile spread over Kohanan's face. "Well, at least someone in this impossible Hold is still honest with me."

The guardmaster grunted and seated himself. "I'm sure you've heard the rumors about a raid floating around. I've told my boys not to listen to them, but I can't help but worry. No offense, Lord Kohanan, but you're reputation among the Lords isn't the greatest."

Kohanan grimaced. "I've noticed. But rumors rarely have any truth in them, even a young, stupid dimglow of a Lord Holder like me knows that. If there is going to be a raid, I have every confidence in you and your guards."

Taironn smiled grimly. "You're so young, so innocent, too sharding trusting for your own good. For your sake, boy, I may let them believe the rumors, just to keep them on their toes."

"So everyone keeps telling me," Kohanan sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Tell me, was it so hard for my father at the start?"

"Yes and no," the guardmaster answered vaguely. "But it all came out right in the end."

Kohanan slumped back into his chair. "Is that supposed to comfort me?"

"No," Taironn replied, eyes dancing.

The guardmaster's visit left Kohanan feeling even more uneasy than Aladron's had. It killed him to admit it, but maybe being Lord Holder was just too much for him to handle. When he finally made it to his quarters long after the rest of the hold had gone to sleep following a meeting with the stablemaster over runner feed, Kohanan was ready to hand the job over to whatever poor dimglow wanted it. ____________________________

"Lord Kohanan!" Kohanan muttered a curse and threw a pillow in the direction of Seivak's distressed voice. "Lord Kohanan GET UP! The Hold is being raided!"

That woke him up. "What? How?"

Seivak threw a bundle of clothes at him. "One of the guards 'fell asleep'. If you ask me, he was paid for the favor. I'm taking you down to the basement to wait it out, the guards seem to have it under control but just in case."

Kohanan groaned. "Perfect. Just what I needed right now. Do you have the name of the guard?"

"Yijaan. He was wounded early on, he's in the infirmary," Seivak told him as he dressed. "The healers won't let you yell at him until he's properly awake."

"Does Taidonn know about this?" Kohanan demanded as he followed the steward down the halls full of people panicking.

"Taidonn is dead, my Lord," Seivak told him in a quiet voice that stopped Kohanan dead in his tracks.

"He's what?" Kohanan repeated in an equally as quiet yet deadly voice, his mind reeling with the complications. If Taidonn was dead, how many of his guard were as well? Had the raiders destroyed any crops or animals? Had Kohanan still been a child, he would have sat down in the middle of the hallway and cried his desperation, but he could only set his jaw and will his mind to work properly.

"Dead sir," Seivak confirmed. "He lead the charge, so I hear, once the guard coming to relieve Yijaan realized what was going on."

Before they reached the basement, a breathless young man with flushed cheeks came running up to them. "The raid is over!" he panted triumphantly. "We beat the whers! Each and every sharding one of them!"

Hearing this, Kohanan whirled to go to the infirmary but ended up going back to his quarters, too exhausted to yell at anyone at the moment.

There was a wineskin sitting on his bedside table that smelled suspiciously of fellis, probably his mother's work. He sipped it and, tasting the distinct flavor of fellis, took another sip. He knew he shouldn't drink too much, he'd need to be sober to deal with the raid, but an entire wineskin of the drugged wine offered him a blissful unconciousness in which he could forget that he'd let down his his entire hold.

He didn't deserve to be Lord Holder, Kohanan realized angrily. In one night he'd proved that very effectively with corruptable guards, a raid and dead guardmaster to show for it. His father would have paid attention to the rumors and had a double guard assigned, not simply assured the guardmaster he had faith. If he had ordered a double guard, Taironn would not be dead and Crater Hold would not have been raided.

He didn't deserve to be a Lord Holder. He didn't even deserve to live.

Kohanan downed the rest of the drugged wine in one gulp. There was so much fellis in it he was only able to stagger one step before collapsing on the floor, barely alive.

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