Getting to Know - Areel Shaw of “Court Martial”
NAME: Lt. Commander Areel Shaw, esq. JAG, STARFLEET
SEX: A woman honey—but that won’t stop me from breaking your balls if I have to.
HOME: I’m most at home in the courtroom
HEIGHT: 5’5—which makes me short enough for Jim to lean down when he kisses me. He likes that.
EYES: Steely blue
HAIR: Blonde but businesslike.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Law and Order: Special Starbase Unit.
WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Do you mean my PADD?: The latest articles from VSA Law Review, Harvard’s Intergalactic Law Journal—Hell where did this subscription to Temple Law Review come from? Oh—and legal memos galore from that new Summer Associate of mine.
FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: See, supra.
FAVOURITE SMELL: The sweat of the opposing counsel.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Almost winning that case and ruining Jim’s career.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Nailing Ben Finney to the wall. Cogley was crazy to think I’d plead’m.
THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Read law review articles, shepardize cases, draft legal memos and briefs, research case law. What do you mean what do I do for fun?
FAVOURITE
SOUNDTRACK: Jaws
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: God I love my job!
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Only when Cogley’s around. If he used computers more to keep up with case law, he wouldn’t waste the court’s time with fruitless motions.
ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Boring.
PEN OR PENCIL?: Who do you think I am? Cogley? I don’t mess with that antiquated shit.
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: That’s what the secretary’s for. I didn’t spend three years of hell in law school to answer the Com.
FAVOURITE FOODS: Anything I can tear to shreds and chew.
DO
YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Dad’s proud as hell. Mom wants me to quit
Starfleet and settle down.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Honey—I do the convicting.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: I can argue either way.
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: I can argue either way.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Yes—I like being in the driver’s seat—that’s why I’m a prosecutor.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: No thanks—I have to argue in front of enough of them. I don’t want to go to bed with one.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A doberman.
IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A pit bull.
THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool—you know I’m not exactly above creating my own thunder and lightning ;)
IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Vincent Bugliosi. And Clarence Darrow would be interesting—always good to learn from the enemy.
FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Screwdriver.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Libra.
EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Well there’s nothing I won’t chew over.
GIRLS—WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT?: I don’t ask. Once I’m through with’m they’re lucky to have the shirt left on their back.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I already have the best job in the world.
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I like myself just the way I am thank you.
IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: “Lock’m Up and Throw Away the Key” across my fist.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: More than once. But I have to admit that of all of them, I still have a soft spot for Jim.
DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Who the hell needs to get married?
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Nothing. I never spend any time there.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: I can argue either way.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: I can make an argument for any of them.
ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Ambidextrous.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Honey I always know what buttons to push.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A trowel
WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?: Files.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: I can make an argument for any of them.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: I don’t remember my first car. But I can tell you about my first case.
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: I’ll take any vehicle that’ll get me where I want to go.
FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?: Tennis.
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: The Brat sure has done better than I have at balancing love and career. She’s a gal after my own heart.
OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT?: Samuel T. Cogley. He’s still sulking because I ruined his winning streak.
The End.
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