GETTING TO KNOW — JANICE RAND

 

By Rabble Rouser

 

 

NAME: Janice Antoinette Rand

 

SEX: Too much woman to ignore.

 

HOME: Brooklyn, NY Yeah, you gonna make something of dat?

 

HEIGHT: 5'7'in high heels but I don't wear them anymore because it makes the captain uncomfortable that it makes me taller than him.

 

EYES: Beautiful Baby Blue

 

HAIR: Golden tresses in a honeyed beehive do.

 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: As the Galaxy Swirls.

 

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: “How to trap the man of your dreams.” Well that’s what I’m reading on my PADD

 

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Cosmo

 

FAVOURITE SMELL: Charlie’s Perfume.

 

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being groped by that wolf. T-rex as lounge lizard. Yuch.

 

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being in a clutch with the captain—even if takes the near destruction of the ship to get him to do it.

 

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Paint my nails pink.

 

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Madona’s “Blonde Ambition.”

 

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: How do I get the captain to notice my legs?

 

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Only when I have my period.

 

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: That depends? Can I have the captain ride it with me so I can have an excuse to grab onto him?

 

PEN OR PENCIL?: A quill pen—like Marie Antoinette.

 

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: Hey that’s Nyota’s job not mine—don’t I have enough to do getting coffee?

 

FAVOURITE FOODS: Anything salty

 

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No—mom doesn’t understand why I don't come home and find a good man to marry.

 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Well er...there was that wild shoreleave—but that was Chris’ and Nyota’s fault! I'll never forget the embarrassment of having the captain bail us out.

 

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate—especially Chocolate Swirl—I don’t do Vanilla.

 

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons—it sounds so French.

 

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No—I prefer to sit in the backseat—in fact I prefer the driver to sit in the backseat too.

 

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: All right Nyota—was it you who told them about the teddy bear?

 

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Toy Poodle.

 

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Growl. A sex kitten.

 

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool—I'm not the one who says “I’m frightened Captain” at the drop of a hat. Ouch. Uhura that hurt!

 

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Cleopatra—the woman knew how to get her man.

 

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Shirley Temples.

 

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Virgo, of course.

 

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: I don't eat broccoli.

 

GIRLS—WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT?: I don’t have to ask. Kirk often takes his shirt off without my having to. Purrrrrr

 

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Not—this one. Believe it or not I’m not a bimbo.

 

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: How do you think it got this way in the first place?

 

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: Well...I have a string of rose petals tattooed right now around my ankle. Stop kicking Nyota—it’s not true I got “Janice loves Jim” tattooed there!

 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Don’t Ask.

 

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Well...Jim Kirk is bound and gagged beside me so he doesn’t have any choice and...

 

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: My paintings. There is more to my art than my elaborate hairdos.

 

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Half full. Someday I’m gonna get’m

 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Mango Passion.

 

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Lefty—a sign of creativity.

 

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Of course? What do you expect of a glorified galaxy hoping secretary?

 

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A water sprinkler.

 

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Wouldn’t you like to know?

 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: All of them.

 

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: I never needed one. I always could stop traffic and hitch a ride whenever I wanted. Besides since the days of the 20th Century who ever heard of a New Yorker needing a car?

 

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: Galileo

 

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH?: Wrestling.

 

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Nyota knows how to keep a secret.

 

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT?: Chris—she hasn't spoken to me since she found out I was responsible for putting the mistletoe above Spock’s door.

 

The End

 

Please write to me and let me know what you thought.

 

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