jealousypart3

“Well,” Harmony said, with feeling, “you know how he is?”

After a slight pause, Buffy remembered to nod in agreement. Caught up in the absurdity of the moment, she had almost forgotten that she was supposed to know how Spike was.

“All hot and ready and…you know…good with his hands?” Harmony said, encouragingly. Buffy nodded again. Her amusement was increasing with each mental image.

“Right, but just so you know,” Harmony continued, like Moses handing down the gospel, “that part doesn’t last very long. One day you’ll be wearing something really slinky and all he wants to do is talk. I mean how many times can you hear that stupid Boxing Rebels story before you want to strangle him.”

“Spike IS a talker,” Buffy conceded, giving him an evil grin. “In fact, on our first date he spent the whole night droning on about the Boxing thingee and those other Slayers he’d killed.”

“You’re one step away, Missy,” Spike said, no longer having a good time. Buffy decided to give him a break. She crossed over to him and laid one soft hand on his arm. She gave him a melting look to further bait Harmony.

“But that’s what I like about him,” Buffy continued, turning to face her rival. “Just listening to his voice makes me go all warm and squishy inside.”

Spike’s eyes lit up even as Harmony’s flashed in exasperation.

“Yeah! Well! Talking isn’t ALL he does,” The dimwit snarled, peevishly. “Yesterday he turned me down because he wanted to READ.”

“Oh, that’s okay with me, Harmony,” Buffy shrugged. “I know how to read, too.”

She was leaning into Spike slightly and could feel his muscles tensing with suppressed hilarity.

“In fact,” Buffy continued, using a confidential stage whisper of her own, “sometimes that’s all Spike and I do together. We READ…all…night…long. Sheffield and Milton and…” she teased out the name, tonguing the “k” and hissing the ‘ts’, “KEATS!”

“Huh!?” Harmony blinked in confusion. Spike shook his head in disbelief.

“Those are poets, you soddin’ illiterate,” he sighed. Harmony looked blankly back and forth between them for a beat before reacting to Spike’s comment.

“Ah-uck!” she yelped. “You people are just…SICK! And,” she continued, addressing Spike, “you and I are through! I never want to look at you…or speak to you…or see you ever again.”

Turning on her heels, Harmony stalked off into the night leaving Spike and Buffy staring after her. Spike looked down at Buffy. He raised one eyebrow at her, his mouth slightly open.

“Milton and Keats?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

“And Sheffield,” Buffy confirmed, with a solemn nod. She was trying to keep her composure. “In fact, all of those English Johns,” she added and lost it completely. She collapsed against Spike laughing helplessly. They both gave in to the inhuman comedy of it all and it was several moments before either of them could speak.

“That was sooo much fun,” Buffy said, when she could breathe again. “I mean, I know it was cruel but it was still sooo much fun!”

“Poor Harmony,” she continued, after a pause. “It’s not her fault she’s a blockhead. I really shouldn’t pick on her like that. Bad, Bad, Buffy!”

“Oh, yeah,” Spike said, with an indulgent smile, “you’re true evil alright.”

“Me?” Buffy challenged, slapping at the lapel of his duster. “What about you? I mean, it’s not like she’s my girlfriend. And you were the one organizing the Slayer Pride Parade.”

She gave another gasp of laughter and dropped her head onto Spike’s chest again. He put his arms around her. He could not believe how good she felt against him. Spike was about to confess that Harmony wasn’t really his ‘girlfriend’, when Buffy turned suddenly serious.