lawyer

lawyer Lawyers jokes

* How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

- Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

* If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

- It might be your bicycle.

* Why to lawyers wear neckties?

- To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

* What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

- When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

* What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

- A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

* What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

- A vampire only sucks blood at night.

* What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

- An offer you can't understand

* Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

- From chasing parked ambulances.

* Where can you find a good lawyer?

- In the cemetary

* What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

- There was an empty seat.

* What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

- Stick his bill up his ass.

* Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?

- Take your foot off his head.

- No. Good!

* What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?

- The bucket.

* What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

- When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

* What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

- Not enough sand.

* How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

- Cut the rope.

* Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

- Professional courtesy.

* What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

- There are skid marks in front of the dog.

* How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

- His lips are moving.

* What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

- A good start!