Asoshitated Press
La Vernia 12/2/02 -Wilson County Sheriff Dick Needle reported that 67 youths were arrested and charged with "Minors In Possession" at the field behind the Mequite Post Road Trailer Park Friday night after the final football game of the season. "Theysus drinkin out in public n shit," said Sheriff Needle. Sharon Ciomchyzxperlocvko, mother of one of the detained commented, "Jesus Fucking Christ, not again! This is fuckin bullshit. Goddammit!" In response to the recent increase in field keggers, the Second Baptist Church has invited all local youths, regardless of denomination, to come to their sanctuary after the games for punch, cookies, and redemption. "You see, these kids nowadays, you gotta pray the alcohol demons out of those fornicating teenagers in Jesus' name. This Satanic behaviour wouldn't be happenin if we had prayer in school and the ten commandments posted in the cafeteriagymnasiumtorium!" shouted Paster Bob Bobertson at Monday night's PTA meeting. This was the 1,456th consecutive weekend that Wilson County youths were chargd with MIPs at field keggers.
