"No."

"Oak, nine inches, unicorn hair?"

"Fuck you."

Raiden sighed. He was pretty sure Mr. Wand Maker was nearly running out of wands, seeing as how Snake was hellbent on getting something that could either conjure up some C4 or had pictures of nude women on it. A good-sized pile of wands was already spilling over the counter, and thin white boxes littered the floor.

He'd watch Otacon drag about thirty or so of those boxes to the back of the small store, where he had sat on the floor and built a small box-house around himself. That was about two hours ago, and he hadn't moved.

He wished he could do that. Goddamn it, his feet were hurting.

"Just fucking pick one already!" Raiden shouted suddenly, his fingers snaking through his hair. Common sense told him to resist the urge to pull as hard as he could, seeing as how relief from the stress and boredom of the situation would call for ripping the hair out right at the roots.

Snake shot him a venomous glare and jabbed at the M9 that was concealed in his coat. Raiden promptly flipped him off and turned back to face Otacon's box structure.

"Don't you have anything with "fur from the Beast of Hell" or "flesh from a half-devoured priest" or something?"

"No...no, I do--"

::THUNK::

Snake slipped his M9 back into his coat and just snatched a random wand. He snarled wordlessly and kicked the old wandmaker in the side.

"...Snake," Raiden chided, looking at the pissy merc.

"Just pick one before I kick your ass."

Sighing, Raiden stooped, pawing through the large pile of wands. He snatched one up, experimentally bending it. It snapped in half, one of the pieces flying across the store, smashing through a window.

"Piece of crap." He grabbed another one, and before he could do anything with it, Snake seized Raiden's wrist.

"Let's go."

"What, so I can't even pick one I want?" He whined, trying to wiggle out of the elder's death grip.

"No."

"But my wand has pink feathers hanging off of it!" He held up his wand, the rickety stick of wood adorned with several brightly colored feathers, and a golden, sparkling star at the tip.

"You should have grabbed a better one then. Too late now. Otacon, we're leaving." Otacon's head popped out of the box-house, looking mildly surprised, and a bit guilty. Snake's eyes slit. "What are you doing back there?"

"Nothing," He said a bit too quickly. In three strides, Snake crossed the store and knocked the cardboard stronghold down with a kick. Otacon was seated cross-legged with an action figure in each hand, staring up like child caught playing with matches. Without saying anything, he slipped the toys back into his pocket and stood, his face burning with embarrassment.

Snake whipped his head around as he heard shuffling behind him. Raiden was bent over the assortment of wands, again digging through them. He froze when he noticed Snake's vicious gaze fixed upon him. "Hey! I told you were keeping the wand you had!"

"But you were talking to Hal! What does it matter anyway?"

"Where's the wand you had before?"

"I don't know. I dropped it back into the pile." Snake walked back over, crouching down next to the heap.

"Is this the wand?" Snake held one up.

"No, I don't think so."

"This one?"

"No."

"How about this one?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Don't lie to me!" Snake sent his fist into Raiden's shin, and picked another one up. "Is this it?"

From the back of the store, in Otacon's reconstructed box-house, little explosion noises and fake screams could be heard.

"Boom! Boom! Hwaaaa! Save me, Snake! No, don't hit me the M9! Quit it! Ahhh!"

Snake and Raiden both stood over Otacon's box-house and waited for him to quit playing with his action figures. It was a strange hobby he had; but then again, he was an American man in his late twenties that still obsessed over anime with giggling schoolgirls, so they never actually bothered to question it. It had to have been a nerd thing.

"Come on, Snake, get me out of the locker! And take your shirt off!"

Snake's eyes widened and immediately knocked off the top part of the box-house.

"Otacon, what the hell goes through your mind?"

The geek stammered for a minute before sighing and shrugging. "Did you find Raiden's wand yet?" he asked, desperate for a quick subject change.

Snake apparently didn't mind, and jumped at the opportunity. "Yeah. We managed to find it again. And--" His head snapped around and his hand flew back to grip Raiden's neck. "Don't think you can change wands either, smartass!"

The blonde grumbled and pinched Snake's wrist so he'd let go. "Come on, Snake! This is a pansy wand!"

"I don't see a problem."

"...I'll light your ass on fire if you don't let me get another one."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would." Raiden slit his eyes and looked at Snake. "I would."

Snake was torn inside. Damn these dilemmas! It was either letting Raiden get a new wand, which would reduce the amount of cracks he could make about the kid, or sacrificing his ass.

He sighed and admitted defeat. "My ass is off-limits to the groping and licking of everything and everyone - including fire. Get yourself a new fucking wand. You've won...this time."

Raiden let out a little whoop of victory and dashed off to the pile of wands.

"So, uh...Otacon..."

"It's best not to say anything, Snake."

"Gotcha."

They stood in awkward silence while Raiden giddily went through the pile of wands, looking for something that suited him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Raiden, you look like a little kid at Christmas! It's a stick! Just pick one!"

"Fuck you, Snake!" he replied in a singsong voice as he tossed another flimsy wand aside. The last wand he picked shot out sparks that flew straight towards Snake.

"MY ASS!" he screamed, covering said body part and diving for cover behind Otacon's box-house, which promptly exploded.

"Please God; spare your wrath from my ass! I'm sorry! My ass isn't God! It isn't! Spare it, pleaaaaaaaase!!" he cried, stumbling away from the quickly-growing flames.

"It's okay, Snake. Nothing's trying to kill your ass."

"Uh, yeah," he coughed, pretending like nothing happened. "Let's get out of here."

"And leave the building burning? With the guy inside?" Raiden asked, stuffing his wand into his pocket.

"Quit being such a good Samaritan, pansy ass. It's his fault if he doesn't wake up."

With that, they left the burning building.