As far as Snake was concerned, all that was needed to defend against the dark arts was a Stinger and an AKS-74u. And to Raiden, Care of Magical Creatures was grooming puppies and playing with My Little Ponies toys.
With his ego still bruised over his defeat in the Wand Shop, Snake would make constant cracks about how "fruity" Raiden's wand was. Every time Raiden swung it, sparks flew out. The second time this happened, Snake dove under the bed screaming about his ass, but after learning of its harmless effects, he simply decided to use this against his blond partner.
"Trying to conjure up some faerie dust or something?" Snake muttered, not noticing that Jack had wandered out of the room. He tore the plug for the PS2 out of the wall, and shoved the console into his duffle bag. It was Friday afternoon, and they were due to leave for the train station in a few minutes. All week he had been trying to use the Playstation, ignoring Hal's explanations of why an American console wouldn't work on a British TV. All that mattered to him was that he wasn't able to play any DMC. Kicking demon ass would have to wait.
Raiden kicked open the door, cradling a dozen or so red and silver soda cans. "British Coke!" He told Snake gleefully, dropping the armful of cans onto the bed. "I bet people will kill for these back in the states!"
Snake rolled his eyes. "Soda is soda, dumbass. Had you been wise, you would have shimmied over to the nearest liquor store and picked me up some booze. And some good cigarettes; these British ones taste like shit."
"Cigarettes are cigarettes, dumbass." Raiden gibed, mimicking Snake's ridiculing tone of voice.
The agent sent him a lethal glower. "Don't speak of things you don't know, fuck monkey. When you smoke as many cigarettes as I do, then you can lecture me about the taste."
The younger of the two scowled back, hazel eyes blazing with exasperation. Otacon made his re entrance at this point, bringing what agitation there was between them to a standstill. He poked his head in the door, informing them that the bill was paid, and that they were ready to leave.
The trio piled into the tiny rental vehicle, which Snake had dubbed 'the shitbox on wheels', with the hacker at the wheel. "Drive faster, you pansy," Snake barked at Otacon, nudging him with the M9 from the backseat. "If I were driving, we'd be there by now."
"If you were driving, we'd be upside down in a ditch," he shot back. "Look, King's Cross Station."
He parked, and helped unload the bags, placing them onto a cart. "....And you walk right into the barrier between platforms 9 and 10."
"You're kidding me, right? No fucking way I'm walking into a wall."
Raiden was the one to come up with a solution to their 'problem'. Delving into his bag, he tossed out a couple of soda cans before finding what he was looking for. Grinning stupidly, he proudly produced a block of C4.
"Oh no! You can't blow up the barrier!" Otacon gaped, mortified.
"Well fuck me! You did something smart for once!"
Raiden beamed, and strapped the block to the obstruction, much to the horror of Otacon.
"No, no! Look, look, look!" Otacon tore across the platform, shoving Raiden aside as he dove through the barricade.
Otacon reappeared a minute later, holding his bleeding forehead. "I smacked my head against the floor when I came through the other side," he explained. The three stared at each other uncomfortably for a moment. Raiden finally broke the awkwardness with a cough, and shoved the luggage cart towards the barrier.
"Well, see you around, Hal." Snake punched the geek in the shoulder, in a playful manner, and knocked him on his ass. Raiden unstrapped the C4, looking disappointed.
Otacon watched them uncertainly. Is it wise to let them go on their own? Raiden pulled out his wand, and "sparked" Snake's ass from behind, sending him into a frenzy. He yelped, and fell through the barrier, with only his feet sticking out. That was enough of a sign for him. Adjusting the strap of his backpack, he jogged after them. "Wait! I'm coming too!"
"Move it, fatass," Snake growled ferally at the rather chubby boy standing right in the aisle. He meeped slightly and jumped into a seat.
"Was that really necessary, Snake?" Raiden asked, following Snake to the back of the compartment. He didn't say a word in response, but merely glared at a group of children that were already sitting down where he wanted to sit.
It was his seat, goddamn it. His! He didn't have to reserve it!
"Get the hell out of my seat."
A girl with poofy brown hair and large front teeth turned around to look at him, her facial features twisted into a condescending sneer. "Sir, we were here first. Just pick another one."
Snake wouldn't take that shit. "Look, kid, I'm in a decent mood today, so don't piss me off."
"Don't talk to Hermione that way."
Snake glared at the intruder. Fucking kids. No respect.
"Look, assfucker, I'll talk to Her-mone however the hell I feel like it. Now get your asses out of my seat before I fill you up with enough tranquilizers to keep Roseanne Barr knocked out for the winter."
"Snake," Otacon interjected, grabbing hold of the black ops agent's arm. "No need to get hostile."
"I'm not being hostile, Otacon," Snake said, gritting his teeth. "I'm negotiating."
Unbeknownst to Snake, Raiden took this opportunity to slip his hand into Snake's coat pocket and steal his M9. Tranq'ing the Wand maker guy was bad enough, but tranq'ing kids was just wrong.
"Sir, I think you should get out of our car before I call the professor because you're rude!"
"Oh, shut the hell up! I think you should get the hell out of my seat before I throw you out the window because you're fucking stupid!"
The smart-ass girl raised her wand and began the complicated words of a spell. Eyes widening more in surprise than actual fear, Snake groped around in his pocket for his M9.
Wasn't there.
"Oh, fuck it," he grumbled, balling up his fist and punching the girl in the face. She slumped into the floor, unconscious.
"Hey look," Raiden said, amused at the sight. "There are stars over her head."
::THUNK::
Raiden hit the floor, out cold. Otacon sighed. He was going to be lucky if he was still sane before the train ride was over.
He figured that he might be able to coax the children out of their seats by talking to them. After all, unhostile negotiations were a lot more appealing then being punched in the face. Otacon advanced them, but unfortunately, they saw this as a threat.
The lanky red-head, busy supporting his unconscious friend, barked orders to the shaggy haired boy. "Harry, quick! Cast a spell before he attacks us like that other one did to Hermione!" Harry whipped out his wand, and sputtered off some quick words.
"HEY! Nobody messes with the geek but me!" Snake dove towards Harry, tackling him to the floor, and throwing the red-head aside. The spell was knocked off aim, instead smacking into the chubby boy Snake had yelled at earlier. With a squeal of surprise and a puff of smoke, Neville Longbottom was changed into a gorilla. He let out a throaty roar before ripping a hole into the side of the train and leaping out.
Snake pulled himself off the stunned boy into a sitting position, where he proceeded to dig through Raiden's jacket pocket. "There's my M9... Assfucker." Standing, he thrust the gun back into its rightful pocket and gave Raiden a sharp kick in the ribs.
Otacon sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Snake... You saved me." His eyes widened as he remembered the unpleasant scene involving the action figures and a certain request. Apparently Snake hadn't forgotten either. Eyes widening, he promptly pulled out the M9 and pistol-whipped it across Hal's face.
::THUNK::
A third was down for the count.
"Now that was just getting creepy." He muttered, swinging the gun on his finger, Ocelot-style.
A little less then an hour later, everyone was awake. Snake, being the completely inane person he was, seemed to have forgotten about where he wanted to sit. He was perfectly content seated across from the kids, where they stared at him in gaping silence. Occasionally he'd blow a kiss to the girl, just to freak her out. It worked every time.