It was an ordinary day on the Inter-Dimesional Movie theater. Our group of heroes--

Edge: Now, can Yuffie REALLY be considered a hero?

Hey, I'm the narrator, so shut the hell up.

Edge: Pssh, bitch.

Anyway, ......we're gathered around a tv in the theather lobby, playing Soul Caliber.

"Go Cervantes! Go you pirate bitch, GO! No, no, no, no, no! DAMMIT!" The 23 year old, purple haired ninja screamed in disgust, chucking his controller across the room, embedding it into the wall.

The blond, 11 year old artist smiled smugly, carefully laying her controller on the floor in front of her. "Who's up now? Who's ass am I kicking next? Locke?"

The spiky haired treasure hunter furiously shook his head. "Not a chance, Relm. I'm 21, I'm much too old to be playing video games."

"Oh please," she replied dryly, "I saw you playing Kirby's adventure yesterday." She pointed to the ceiling where the game boy had been embedded, from Locke's, very-Edge-like-outburst.

"I'm telling you! That damn boxing penguin was cheating! He's unbeatable!" Locke snapped in a pitiful attempt to defend himself.

"Like, oh shit, I think my arm is stuck!" The 16 year old ninja/thief readjusted her position, trying to unlodge her arm from the coke machine.

"For the love of god, Yuffie, why didn't you just pay the 3 gil to get a damn soda?" Edge chided her.

"It's the principle of the thing! Why," Tug. "Should we have to pay," Tug. "When we're trapped here!" A final tug and she was free, thrown backwards from the force. She tumbled across the floor, crashing into the other three with a bowling-strike type sound.

A squelch of sound was heard, and the large screen behind the candy and popcorn counter flickered on, revealing a blond, Pebbles-like hairstyle. The camera was moved up and down a bit before finally resting on a makeup covered clown like face.

"Greetings my little experiments! I'm sorry to interrupt....." Kefka raised his eyebrow at the questioning scene of the 4 ff heroes piled on top of each other. "......Your orgy." Ignoring the mortified screams of protest, he continued. "But I have a special little treat for you. A fanfic!"

"Oh joy." They replied in unison.

"It's little gem of a story, about your good friend Shadow! Enjoy!" The screen flickered off. With groans of displeasure, the 4 untangled themselves and head to the screening room.

Door 1 is made of paper bags. With a look of boredom, Yuffie slices through it with her fingernails.

Door 2 is a giant pefection board. The crew finishes the puzzle and hit the floor as the pieces pop out, unlocking the door.

Door 3 is a Dance Dance Revolution machine. Relm completes the dance and the door opens.

Door 4 is a regular door. Edge reaches out for the doorknob and a boxing glove springs out, punching him in the face.

Door 5 is a ballpitt. They wade through it.

Door 6 is blocked by Don Corneo. He comments on how cute Locke is and he responds by performing a roundhouse kick, knocking Don out of the way.

Door 7 is a set of double doors. They snap back on it's hinges, knocking Locke in the back of the head.

"Geez, every friggin' time!" Locke rubbed the back of his head and took his seat as the movie/fanfic started up.

>>Fatal Dreams
>>A Final Fantasy 3 Story

Yuffie: What, no disclaimer, no legal jargon?
Edge: Be grateful, disclaimers are always a bitch to riff.
Locke: Does this mean we can sue the author?

>>Kefka's tower was crumbling. That much was obvious.

Relm: As opposed to not noticing large chunks of metal falling around you?

>>The group of twelve ran and toward the airship. Setzer started it up and within minutes.... nothing happened.

Edge: .......eh? It took several minutes for nothing to happen?
Yuffie: Ah, you have to admire the primitive thinking skills of 16 bit characters.
Locke: Can it, block-hands.

>>"What the.....! "

Relm: Our thoughts exactly.

Setzer yelled as he turned to Edgar and Sabin. "You two go and try to fix the engine down there.

Relm: Why did he send Sabin? He's an oaf when it comes to mechanics.
Edge: (Sabin)Stupid engine, *imatates Sabin kicking engine* WORK DAMMIT!

>>I'll meet you down there after I fiddle with it up here." The propellers started to spin, the heavy craft

Relm: ...crashed to the ground, since it can't DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY!!!!!
Yuffie: (to Locke) Geez, the kid's got quite a temper on her.
Locke: (to Yuffie) You should of seen her when she didn't win first prize at the last artshow. She threw Gau out a window.

>>gently floating up.
>>"Oughh!"
>>"Who said that ?" asked Relm, who was showing

Edge: ...off her latest artwork. A stick figure with a sword.
*Relm gives Edge an evil eye and growls slightly*

>> great fear at this point.

Locke: Ummmm, why? I mean, Kefka is defeated and the airship is no longer in any threat of crashing. What the hell does she have to be scared of?
Yuffie: Oompa Loompas?
Edge: Another Wing Commander movie?
Yuffie: An Olsen Twins tv marathon?
Locke: Geez, sorry I asked.

>>Nobody knew.

Relm: Nobody cared.

>>The airship ripped away from the tower just as it came crushing down.

All:(singing) Kefka's tower came crushing down, crushing down, crushing down....

>>Setzer set the Airship on

Yuffie: ...fire

>>auto pilot and walked

Edge: ...into a pit of molten cheese.
*all others stare at Edge*
Edge: .....What?

>>down stairs to celebrate

All: (singing)...good times, come on!

>>with the others. He popped open

Yuffie: .....the giant zit on his forehead, spewing pus on everyone near him.
Edge: That's lovely mental image.

>>the bottle of champagne he and Darryl were were saving for the day when they were truly joyous. Today was that day.

Locke: (Daryll) I'm dead you stupid bastard! How can I be happy?

>>They talked and drank wines (Except for Relm, Mog, Umaro and Gau)

Relm: That's a lie. Last time we had wine, Mog guzzled the entire bottle. He started humping Setzer's couch shortly after.

>>and were happy. But the evening was dimmed when Strago

Edge: ...revealed that he had Hemrroids.
Relm: Dude, that's my grampa you're talking about! Don't put those kinds of images into my head!

>>mentioned Shadow.
>>Then they realized he was not on board.

Yuffie: ...And everyone partied even harder.

>>"He died trying to help us," whimpered Celes. Or so they thought.

All: Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnnnn!

>>Shadow awoke in a soft bed,

All: (singing) ...on a quiet little street! If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do?

>>with crisp cool air and a small fire burning. He was dazed.

Relm: Being crushed under crumbling rocks and metal can do that to you.

>>"Nona? Is that you ?" he mumbled.
>>The figure turned around and said " I'm not your wife. I am

Locke: (figure) Your high school guidance counciler! HAHAHAHA!!!!
Edge: (Shadow) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

>>Starlem, the Felen. I am the head of six Felens.

Yuffie: (Starlem) I'm also a client!

>>We are the makers of emotion. I create dreams using the powers of the others. There is Phalem of Love, Diogas of Madness, Lashon of Joy, Mejong of Hate, and Gamor of Shame.

Relm: (Starlem/announcer)Warlord of Trust, and Lugie of Sadness sold seperately; batteries not included.
Locke: ......Lugie of Sadness?
Relm: Umm, hello? Phlegm of Love? Are you stupid or what?
Locke: .......

>>When the powers are combined, they form

All: CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!

>>emotions."
>>Shadow thought he looked like someone else.

Yuffie: He thought who looked like someone else? Shadow or that Starlem guy?
Relm: Most likely himself. It's been a long time since he took of that mask; he probably forgot what he looks like.
Edge: (Shadow) I'm blond? Wait, I thought I was brunette. Since when have my eyes been green? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

>>"What do you want with me? I'm an assassin?

Locke: Damn, victims of Alzheimer's are getting younger and younger by the day!
Edge: (Shadow) I'm an assassin? Wait, I'm a travelling clown! No, I'm a garbage man! Huh? What was the question? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

>>I have no feelings."

Yuffie: (Shadow/monotone) I am a robot sent from the year 2025 to destory all enemies.

>>"You are wrong, Clyde. You just showed Love when you asked about your wife."
>>"Clyde....?!?" The voice echoed painfully inside off Shadow's head.

Edge: ...through the window, over the building, off the backboard, into the hoop, nothing but net!

>>"Would you like a sample of what we can do?" said Starlem.
>>The voice in Shadow's head began more rapidly and he was urged to say "YES!"

Yuffie: This isn't turning into a lemon is it?
Relm: An Herbal Essences commercial perhaps?
Locke: He's got the urge!

>>Suddenly, he was in bed again.

Edge: Oh geez, an inter-dimesion time-loop where the same event occurs over and over again?
Locke: I don't think so but don't give Kefka any ideas for future fics.
Kefka:(via PA) Too late! Mwahahaha!
Locke and Edge: Doh!

>>He got up and walked down some stairs where he saw..... his wife, Nona, and.... her daughter?

Relm: Shadow has a daughter?
Edge: Should we tell her?
Locke: Maybe later. I don't feel like sitting through her emotional breakdown right now.
Relm: WHAT? Tell me!!!

>>Shadow, strangely enough loved this feeling. He wanted more and more.

Yuffie: Greedy bastard isn't he?

>>He felt as if he could fly without the Airship.

Locke: Do try.

>>Oh, how happy he was!

Yuffie: I think its turning into an episode of the Brady Bunch.
Edge: That's worse then a lemon.

>>Confused, but happy. "Tell me Starlem, what feeling is this?"
>>"This? Why, it is love. All people feel it." he replied.

Relm: No, not the Brady Bunch, Sesame Street it seems.
Locke: Todays lesson is brought to you by the letter "T"!

>>Starlem laughed a muffled "Whahahahah!"

Edge: I think Starlem has been smoking something in the back.
Relm: (druggie/Starlem) Dis Magicrock ish some gud schtuff!
Locke: Heheh, nice one, too bad no one else is going to get that joke.

>>A picture of Kefka shot into Shadow's brain.

Yuffie: ...Killing him instantly.
All others: Yay!

>>Starlem shot a nasty glare at him and the thought Shadow had vanished. "How can I get this feeling forever?" asked Shadow.

Yuffie: (Starlem) Be my bellydancer!

>>"Bring me Locke Cole." Starlem replied.

Locke: Oh shit!
Relm: Haha, sucks to be you!