Part One: The Diagnosis
Author: Turtlewoman
Rating: PG-13, J/C with D
Date: 09/20/1999

Kathryn Janeway bent over her console, scrolling through screen after screen as the voice above her head droned on and on. Finally the voice ground to a halt. Not bothering to look at him, she said, "If you are quite finished, you are dismissed."

"I am not finished and you have not heard a word I've said. And, under these conditions, you cannot dismiss me. Now, as I was saying, since you have neglected to come for your gynecological exam for the last two years, the exam has come to you. Your desk should suffice quite well."

"Touch me in here and I'll knock you on your holo-enhanced keister!"

The Doctor watched impassively as she leaped to her feet and put herself in position to attack his mobile emitter. He responded calmly, "I see we will need a medical assistant." Tapping his com badge, he said, "Commander Chakotay, report to the Captain's ready room."

"On my way."

He looked back at the seething woman. "He should be quite an effective restraint and I dare say he may even enjoy the experience."

"You wouldn't!"

"Watch me. Ah, Commander so nice of you to join us, however we may not be needing your help after all." With a smugness born of one upping the Captain, the doctor turned to her, "Captain, I think we will be able to handle this ourselves in sickbay right now, don't you? Or do we need the Commander's .. er .. services?"

She made a choked growl, threw a death glare at both men and flounced out of the ready room. The Doctor waited a prudent moment before turning to Chakotay. "Well, your idea worked, Commander. Now, if I can survive the experience, I should be able to give her a complete physical before she shuts down my programs. What is it about Captains and basic medical care?"

Chakotay smiled, "I don't know Doctor, but I do know she seems very tired, is becoming increasingly irritable and that her sleep patterns are even more erratic than usual."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and waited for an explanation.

"This is not a luxury starliner, Doctor. One can hear pacing quite well through adjoining walls.

"Of course you can. I'd best catch up with my patient. Good-by Commander."

***************************

He poked, prodded, measured and scanned, all the while making little 'uh-hum' noises as he buzzed around her. Kathryn fidgeted, scowled, snarled and argued over the necessity of each test he preformed, at last becoming so agitated that she jumped from the biobed. "You've amassed enough data for ten physicals! Aren't you done yet?"

"That is the last series of tests, Captain."

"It's about time! Now, despite those irritating noises you've been making, I imagine you've found nothing out of the ordinary and can safely leave me alone for the next two years."

"I wouldn't go that far, Captain. This data does explain your, shall we say, general malaise. You will need to be on medication and monitored in a more timely manner."

"Now you are going to tell me that I'm in the early stages of menopause and prescribe genoequinestro, I suppose."

"Planning on a career change, Captain? Perhaps you should read the data before offering a diagnosis. You have not entered menopause as yet Captain, although your vaginal tissue is somewhat shrunken and thin. Given your hormonal profile, I would posit that abstinence, not menopause, is the cause. In that case, the condition is reversible if you resume intimate relations within the next year or two. After that time, your vaginal tissue will become irreversibly atrophied, even without the probable onset of menopause. Regardless, you will need genoequinestro at that time. Too bad we won't have any. However, that's not…..."

" What the do you mean we won't have any? And you give me something right now to stop my, my …..atrophying!"

"I am more than willing, Captain." He gave her sheet-draped body a long, lingering look. "…more than willing. However, as pleasurable as it could be, you will need something more..…organic to help restore the muscle tone of those tissues. Now, about the medication….."

"Why the hell won't we have any genoequinestro? That would help, wouldn't it?" she cut in as she redressed, "Surely you can replicate what we need."

"Unfortunately, genoequinestro is one of the few medications that we can not replicate. The replicated substance reacts badly to warp speeds and degrades too quickly to be useful. Bolian Parvoquadralimin reacts in the same way. Both for the same reason actually. The intial substance had harmful side effects and so genetically altered plants and animals were developed to eliminate the problems. I'm afraid it’s the real thing or nothing and Starfleet Medical does not include genoequinestro in basic medical supplies. But Captain, that's not....

"Well, what is it made of? Maybe we can distill it from something in ships stores."

"I doubt we have any equine urine in storage. Captain, this is not the issue. We need to discuss…

"Horse piss? I'm going to end up permanently abstinent thirty full years before I have to because we don't have a stockpile of horse piss!?

"Crudely, but succinctly put. Now Captain, regarding your test results…"

"Oh this is too much. I am willing to delay gratification for the sake of Starfleet ideals, but I had no intention of delaying it for good! Half the Captains in the Fleet are women, for crying out loud! What was Medical thinking of? Quackes! You're all quackes!" With that she marched out of sickbay.

"But Captain…your test results…" The EMH watched as she disappeared in a huff.

********************

"My apologies Commander. I seem to be making a habit of referring to you in regards to the Captain's health but I've tried for two weeks to sit her down and discuss her condition. All she will say to me is that she bets I have lots of Viagra on hand. Then she storms off in the opposite direction."

"Stormy certainly describes how she's been lately. Viagra? Why would she need Viagra? What condition?"

"She doesn't need Viagra, naturally…so I don't know why she keeps asking about it."

"Doctor! Screw the Viagra! What is wrong with the Captain?"

"You too? I had no idea the Senior Officers had such colorful vocabularies."

"Will you please tell me what is wrong with her and how you are going to cure her! Now!"

"I can not cure her."

Chakotay slumped in his chair, "Oh no……how long Doctor? Have you tried everything?"

"The TSH test is not normally included in a standard medical, so I cannot say for certain, but I don't think her functioning has been impaired for more than a year or two."

"But how much longer does she have? She won't suffer, will she?"

The Doctor finally noticed Chakotay's dismay. "Suffer? Commander, the Captain does not have a fatal disease, she has a condition, a treatable condition."

"You said you couldn't cure her."

"I cannot cure her, but I can treat her. It’s a fairly simple condition actually, easily controlled with medication. But I cannot get the Captain to listen to me. Will you please talk to her. She will feel much better if she will just start taking the Levoxil."

"What am I to tell her?"

"Tell her that she has Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. That is why she has been feeling so tired, is somewhat emotional, why her hair has lost its luster and her sex drive has lessened. Of course that could be the coffee as well. She probably drinks all that coffee just to give herself some energy. Between the both, I'd be amazed if she has any libido at all, actually. She is also suffering from job related stress. She badly needs a vacation. According to the records, she has not been on shore leave in three years. Her away missions have been equally stressful and she seems to have given up using the holodeck. "

Chakotay perked up considerably. "The medication will restore her..er..reverse her symptoms?"

"That and a change of scene for a week or two. Will you tell her and have her come to sickbay."

"You can count on it."

The Doctor nodded his thanks and turned to leave.

"One more thing, Doctor? Just out of curiosity, you do have Viagra, don't you."

"Sorry. Apparently, Starfleet Medical is an equal opportunity spoil sport. Use it or loose it, Commander."

*****************************

"Doctor, I owe you my apologies. Commander Chakotay was able to make me listen to what you have been trying to tell me. I'm afraid you caught the brunt of my anger over an issue you did not cause, nor are responsible for. As upsetting as I find the idea of lifelong abstinence, it does not excuse the way I have been acting. It seems I just do not have the energy to be even minimally polite anymore. If I'd listened to you in the first place, at least that condition would already have come under control."

"I do understand Captain. My enhanced engrams have allowed me to experience sexual pleasures also, though not as often as I would prefer. I agree, a lifetime of abstinence is an upsetting concept. You still have the option of forming a sexual liaison within the next two years."

She started to respond about her duty and position.

"I know, Captain. And I disagree with you, but it is ultimately your choice. Now back to something I can help you with. You will feel at least more energetic once you start taking the levoxil, but that is but a part of my prescription to restoring your health and spirits. You must also slowly cut down on the amount coffee you drink each day. You will find, once your health improves, you will have less need for an artificial stimulant. Also, please do the exercises I described to help with that little incontinence problem at least four times a day." He gave her a long look. " In addition, the exercises may strengthen more than the muscles surrounding your bladder. Your duty shifts, barring a level 3 emergency, are not to exceed ten hours daily, including reports. You are to engage in some pleasant holodeck activity for a least one hour a week, preferably with a companion. Lastly, as soon as a suitable Class M planet presents itself you are to get off this ship for a minimum of two weeks."

" Doctor, as much as you feel I need some rest and recreation, I can't just pop off for a vacation whenever I feel like it, even if you feel I need it."

"Captain, I would expect you to do whatever is in the best interest of the crew's health and happiness. Believe me, this is in the crew's best interests, and, since you are such a devotee of Starfleet regulations and protocols, my recommendations take priority over your reservations. Saying no is not an option. Do I make myself clear, Captain?"

********************

The Captain pulled herself out of the swimming pool, laughing at the man half a pool length behind her. "I won again!"

"I come from a desert. We didn't exactly have pool in every back yard. What is it, four or five times you've won? You seem to have energy to spare today."

"Its seven. I am feeling better. Come on, let's head for the messhall for coffee."

"Let's have juice instead. Neelix has actually replicated one we can enjoy."

"Chakotay, do you have any idea how hard it is for me to have a cup of coffee with any man aboard this ship any more? The women are fine, at least most of them, but the men won't let me drink anything even resembling coffee. Would you have any clue why that is?"

His normally bronze tone took on an overlay of red. "We just all want you to return to full…er….health, Captain. Speaking of Seven, has she finished her scans of sector Beta-13? Anything promising? Are you still planning on taking her with you on shore leave?

"I thought we'd go read her reports over coffee and…"

"Juice."

She gave him a long look, "Okay, juice…and narrow down our choices. Yes, I am. She has never had the opportunity to study an actual ecosystem. We thought this would provide the perfect opportunity to do so. You know, at first I thought the Doctor was insane to suggest I take some time off, but I must admit, I'm really looking forward to some R and R."

"This is your idea of rest and recreation, teaching ecology to a Borg? Couldn't you think of taking someone who would be a bit more fun?"

"Who do you suggest? Paris?" Kathryn hid her amusement as Chakotay tried unsuccessfully to hide his irritation. Sometimes he was just too easy to tease. It had been so long since she'd really tried to tease him. Just to nudge him a little bit further, she bent over to towel dry her hair, making sure her, although not bountiful, respectable cleavage was pointed in his direction. He turned a shade darker and started to turn away, but not before catching her smug, little smile. He hid his own. Two could play that game.

They plowed through the stack of datapadds Seven had prepared with her usual thoroughness. Each time Chakotay leaned over to take another pad, he made sure he brushed her arm, or slid his hand behind her chair, or breathed in her ear. Anything, as long as he invaded her personal space. She responded by blushing prettily each time and trying to hide her smile. They both seemed totally immersed in their little dance.

"Well would you look at that?" Paris said from the other side of the messhall.

"What?" muffled Kim, his mouth full of something or other a la Neelix.

"They haven't flirted with each other like that in years! Look at them. Time to resurrect the pool, me boyo. Tommy's goin' to augment his ensign credits!"

Regretfully finishing the stack of datapadds and thus their excuse for being close to each other, the two senior officers settled on three possible Class M systems. They then discussed a transfer of command for the two week period, and possible contingencies should any emergency occur. Their meeting concluded with requests to Seven for more intensive scans of those systems, and to the Doctor, Neelix and Engineering to prepare 'shopping lists' . No opportunity could be missed to restock, even during the Captain's 'vacation'. Those three crewmembers would then examine the more intensive scans and recommend the most promising system. Voyager would divert to that system, to allow further studies to be done. At that time the Captain and Commander would again review the data and make a final determination.

*****************************

The Captain and Commander read their research team's recommendation in stunned silence.

"You are sure we must have these supplies Doctor?"

"Absolutely Captain. A plant based substance containing high concentrations of Parvoquadralimin has been located on the second planet in the system. We are coming to an end of our supplies, aboard Voyager. I don't even want to contemplate the distress to the Bolian intestinal complex without this hormone, let alone their eventual death. If we can introduce this plant into hydroponics, we can insure the Bolians remain in their current good health. Without it…."

"Nevermind Doctor. We get the message. Can't you just beam up the plant?"

"Its not that easy, Captain. The indigenous people are vegetarians, so we know that the soup they make is plant based. We just don't know exactly what plant, or if its just one plant. Apparently their cooking process releases the substance. Otherwise, it is virtually undetectable raw."

"And these indigenous people are almost indistinguishable from humans?"

"Yes."

"And, that of all these people, there is not one tall blond woman among them?

"That is correct."

"All of the women…all of them….are small, slender hipped, brown haired and blue eyed and they are never seen without a male escort?"

"All of them, yes Captain."

"And that, of all the men on this ship, the only man that matches the Nirati genotype is Commander Chakotay?"

"Hard as it is to believe, yes, Captain. All the women are small and fair with dark blue eyes and all the men are big and bronze, black haired with brown eyes."

She shook her head in disbelief and continued reading. The planet described was as amazingly homogenous as its people. About one fourth of the planet was water. The climate was comfortably warm-temperate for the most part with small ice caps at its poles. The topography consisted of three large land masses, with a series of archipelagoes swinging up from the southern most land mass. Only one land mass seemed to contain a sparse population. Wide plains bordered the seacoast, followed by rolling hills, and an enormous central plain dissected by a single long mountain range. Each half of the continent mirrored the other.

Plant life seemed varied and healthy. The people gathered in small villages, with groups of them taking turns at following huge herds of a bovine-like creatures, apparently used just for milk and foraging in the hills and mountains for food. The place sounded ideal. Quiet, peaceful, non-technical yet prosperous and comfortable.

It was the social structure of the tribes that absolutely floored Kathryn. Men outnumbered the women by approximately a factor of twenty to one. This apparently spawned a social structure in which a woman always had a male companion, as an unaccompanied woman was sure to be kidnapped by a neighboring tribe. This practice did not appear to upset any of the victims and the same woman may be kidnapped many times. Within the tribe the women seemed to freely share themselves with all the men, unless they had bonded with a specific man or family in order to reproduce. The only women not to participate in this rather open, practical scheme were the women that did the cooking for the village. This was considered to be a sacred task and only those women who daily went through a purification ritual prepared the food. The food preparers lived apart with their male companions. When a woman tired of this task she would refuse the daily purification ritual and rejoin the tribe. The men were allowed to gather or serve the food, but preparation was reserved only to those women annoited to the task.

"Let me get this straight. My only choices here are cook or a…..a lady of dubious virtue?"

"Or you could contract to get pregnant," whispered Chakotay into her ear.

She threw him such a withering look, that the rest of the team quickly muffled their titters.

"Must it be this planet? Won't anything else do? Can't we just set an away team down in an unsettled area and beam up a selection of plants?"

"I'm afraid not Captain. And the Bolian situation will turn desperate in a matter of months. The only way we will truly understand how the Naratis get such a high concentration of PBL's in their cooking, is if you spend time as one of them, learning how to prepare it. Uh, Captain. We have also detected high concentration of that other substance you and I talked of."

"Oh. A carrot for the Captain, eh?" She sighed. "The Bolian's need will be enough of an incentive, Doctor. Well, Commander, it looks like you and I are about to go on vacation. Oh, do wipe off that smirk!"

"Captain, have you got to the part about native costume yet?" he replied, still smirking.

She quickly read the description, then fell back in her chair, trying hard to ignore Chakotay's now radiant smile. "You have got to be kidding!"

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