Professional Development
a post-ep for Two Days and Two Nights

by ragpants
 

"Oh no... This can't be right."

"Is there a problem, Ensign?" T'Pol asked as she moved to stand behind Hoshi at the Communication console on Enterprise's Bridge.

Hoshi squinted up in embarrassment at the Enterprise's first officer. She hadn't realized she been speaking aloud. Trust the Vulcan's hypersensitive hearing to pick up on it just when Hoshi didn't want her to.

 "Uh... no ma'am. No problem.  Uh. We just received a communiqué from Risa Central . I wasn't expecting one and it surprised me. That's all."

T'Pol lifted a curious eyebrow.  "And what, exactly, was so surprising about the communiqué?"

Hoshi blushed. She called up the text on her screen, pretended to study it and was glad she didn't have to look the Vulcan in the eye.  "It's a bill, ma'am."

" I see. And how is a bill 'unexpected'? "

 Hoshi wasn't sure how she did it, but T'Pol made her feel incredibly naive and unsophisticated just by her phrasing of the question. She swallowed hard. "I know that services rendered result in a charge, ma'am. What I meant was.... I thought the Captain had already taken care of the costs from shore leave, but I guess not."

T'Pol stuck out her hand, demanding the hard copy of the transmission that Hoshi now held in hers.

Reluctantly, Hoshi passed the paper over.

T'Pol did a quick perusal of the list. She raised an eyebrow. "Interesting, " she commented blandly. " I'll see the Captain gets this."

Hoshi dropped her eyes back toward her boards. I'll just bet you will, she thought--and this time she was sure she kept her words to herself.

~*~

It didn't take long.  The summons from Captain Archer arrived thirty minutes later.
 

They were all gathered in the Captain's Ready Room. It was too small for the number of bodies occupying it. Captain Archer looked like he wanted to get up and pace around the cabin, but there wasn't enough room. He sat confined at his desk.

He looked around at the assembled personnel,  gathering them all with his gaze.

"At first, I thought this was some kind of mistake or a bad joke." He nodded toward the bill he held in hand. "But I have been in communication with the  Accounts' office at Risa Central and I've been assured this is quite serious."

 "This, " he said, shaking the paper so it rattled in emphasis, "is a bill resulting from 'extraneous charges, fees and fines' accrued from this crew's shore leave activities while on Risa-- over and above the customary and usual charges."

Archer's brows drew together and he looked pained. "I am extremely disturbed that this crew should incur this kind of bill and doubly disturbed since it was the senior Bridge and command crew, all of whom should know better."

Archer managed to get out from behind his desk and squeezed passed the assembled senior officers to stand in front of Trip and Malcolm.  He glared at them.

"Nine thousand, two hundred forty-six solarii, whatever those are..

"The basic unit of Risan currency" T'Pol offered helpfully from the corner.

Archer shot her a scowl for interrupting.

"....for a BAR bill! Mind explaining to me how that happened?"

"Well, Captain, there were these two women, these two really, really beautiful women" Malcolm began animatedly before Trip stomped on his toes.

Trip bowed his head and did his best to look pitiful. "Sorry, Cap'n. Won't happened again."

"You bet it won't, Mister!" Archer exploded. He headed back toward the desk, then stopped to look hard at his Chief Engineer and Weapons Officer. "The bar bill, plus the damage charges to a Lief t'Lat's wine cellar and the associated fines will be deducted equally from both of your Starfleet salaries. Dismissed."

Tucker headed for the door, but Malcolm hung back. He raised his hand rather like a student trying to get the teacher's attention.  "Uh... Captain, if don't mind my asking, just how much is a solarii in United Earth dollars?"

Archer's mouth hung open, but T'Pol smoothly entered the conversation.

"At current exchange rates, there are approximately 83 solarii to 100 UE dollars."

Malcolm looked boggled. "But that's....."

"However," T'Pol continued. "The Risans insist that all payment be tendered in solarii only. They will not accept Earth currencies or credits." She extended a padd toward Archer. "I was able to negotiate a number of 'in lieu' substitutes to a currency payment."

Archer looked at the list. "Gallium. Platinum. Dilithium. ... we don't carry any significant stocks of these metals. And what are the rest of these items. I don't recognize any of them."

"I believe they are pharmaceuticals, Captain, some of which have been banned by a number planetary governments."

Archer flicked the datapadd onto his desk. "There's no way I can get a hold of any of those."

"Your only recourse, then, would be to deal with one of three interplanetary bankers who may accept Earth dollars. If you do so, you will, of course, have to face an unfavorable exchange rate and transaction fee of ten percent of the total sum  converted."

 Archer groaned and sank into his chair. He rubbed at his forehead like this whole situation had given him a headache.  He looked up to see Tucker and Malcolm both still hovering in the doorway.

"Get out, " he snapped, "before I change my mind."

There was a long awkward moment before Archer seemed to realize that there were still two other crewmen in his office awaiting judgment.

"Mr. Mayweather, " Archer said  wearily without getting up from his desk, "while I cannot argue that you ought to bear the cost of your medically necessary evacuation and treatment, I would like to suggest that in the future, when you're offered casualty insurance as part of your adventure package, take it.  And make sure your skills are actually up the level of difficulty involved. Dismissed."

Of the officers who had taken shore leave, now only Hoshi remained. T'Pol still lingered in the corner, her whole posture seemed to suggest she found the proceedings highly amusing and wasn't about to leave before the show was over.

Archer leaned back in his chair and folded his hand across his stomach. He regarded his communication officer for long silent moment that made Hoshi itch with discomfort.

Finally Archer shook his head. "Hoshi, I have no idea what to do about your charges. Heck, I'm not even sure what they're for." He peered at the bill in his hand. " Fourteen thousand solarii for 'personal services'?" Archer got up and came to stand next to Hoshi.  He gave her an encouraging, paternal smile. "Can you tell me what kind of personal services might cost that much?"

Hoshi blushed. She tried to remember what Ravis had said he did for a living. She couldn't recall. Was it possible he worked as--what did the Risans call it-- as a 'personal entertainment consultant'? For a moment she was mortified. But then, the more she thought about it, the more she decided he was worth every solarii.  On the other hand, she had gotten more out of his services than just a delicious fuck....

"Well, I did go to the day spa.  That's the second item on the bill. The one for 231 solarii. I'll be glad to reimburse the ship for that. But as for the other...." She looked up seriously to meet the Captain's eyes. "it must have been the language lessons. I didn't know they were going to be so expensive. If I had...."

Archer waved away whatever she had been going to say next.  "Nevermind, Hoshi, I'll put it down as 'Professional Development'. I'm sure Starfleet will reimburse it."

Hoshi slumped in relief. "Thank you, sir."

Archer smiled and he patted Hoshi on the back. "No, thank you. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that one of my officers knows how to comport herself appropriately on shore leave."