Celibacy Blues

If you could fill your heart
with polyfilla   it would be
much better, more resistant
than despair

if you could fix the wiring
you would connect thought
   and action.

The miles are covered
but the years are long
celibacy blues
its always the same song
played differently every time

I hate happy love songs
- can't identify,
they make me cry,
remembering memories I was
never given to forget -
give me blue songs of regret
they make more sense

sometimes I'm glad that
jealousy can't hold me
to someone's stupid games
- you have to be worth something
to feel jealous? That's too hard.

Too long on the sideline
leaves envy alone,
silence carved in stone
louder than the call of desire
still   the song is too
        loud
but it won't get me dancing

Here   the room is
empty, just me and my
dusty books closed for years
unread while the bed sags
under the weight of melancholy
     the springs are broken
by ignorance, a monument
to reticence and abstinence.