Fishing

When I see you it's time to hide
behind this mask of vauge smiles
and witty conservation that cocoons me
I'm safe from myself and my feelings
but inside hides uncertainty
my cool reserve inwardly melting
torrents of emotion sending me reeling

fishing for words to say
an empty net is all I get
the watery thoughts slip through
returning to that unspoken ocean
sinking down into doubt,
plumming the depths of silence

there is no one
there are too many
there won't be some
there won't be any

the mantra repeats its lonely meditation
clutching me closely in its stupidity
trying to forget the words learnt so well
it's a hook I can't get out of me.