| Wednesday, July 24th, 2002
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3:04p - the "Big anniversary entry" You know how you get these "big" anniversaries, and your thoughts turn to what you're going to write, and how it's going to be different this time and how you're going to make that day stick out as something important and all of this and all of that and run on forever... but then, all of a sudden, it's here, and you're like... ugh. Today actually marks an entire year of being on LJ. A whole FUCKING
year. For an ENTIRE YEAR now I've found the comfort in companionship that
I didn't have with My Earthly Shell or The Eolian Harp. An entire year
has come and gone since I realized I could never stop journaling. An entire
year gone by as I've prattled away my station in life.
The Past puts the Future in perspective. My current life is slowly drawing to a close. My new life looms just over the horizon. I'm feeling a new sense of dread with work. All sorts of new taskings, briefs to give, answers to find, and actions all hanging on the wings of other's schedules and other's whims. I hate having things unfinished, leaving strap hangers dangling if you will... The past several days I've gone home and been in bed within a couple hours...waking for a bit around 9, 10 pm, then going back and just...laying there. It's a very releasing situation...to lay awake and not worry about the thoughts keeping you awake, knowing you won't suffer from a lack of sleep because of it... The cost is any sense of productivity, of gaining anything from the day. Yes...this life is drawing to a close and it feels like I'm on life support. I don't care like I used to. Every day it seems there's just a hint more dissatisfaction. Every day I feel a little more rushed, stranded, and less successful. The next annivesary...well there won't be one...not here to be read at least. This time next year I'll be *gone*. This life will be over and I will be on my transistionary trail...doing my "rebuilding/system check". It's unsettling. 287 days until I am officially released from active duty. For a while I relished coming into work each day and crossing off the days. Now it's just...it isn't enough. I've got nine months before things really kick into high gear and the days drag on and on. Those little annoyances that never used to phase me...they're starting to edge there way in. Next week is the Mt. Fuji trip and I went through some arguments with the PAC NCOIC about it--because of my damn achilles. He thought that I wasn't going because of my injury and got rather pissed off when i told him I was going to have the doc clear me to go. Whatever. Things have just gotten buggy around here lately...and I've had talks with people, it's not just me. I was really looking forward to this trip...and now this drama has stolen
most of that anticipation. It feels like just another work related incident
at this point and I think that pisses me off more than anything.
Hopefully the trip does some good for my soul. I could definitely use some spiritual type cleansing. current mood: annoyed
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