| Monday, September 9th, 2002
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9:45p (Ed. note: I started this entry on Sunday and for some reason, never finished or uploaded it...could it possibly be that I was distracted by someone?) Sunday I: Didn't sleep for SHIZNIT the night prior ( i think that was already well documented, but hell, why not be redundant). Drove my friend to the airport. Long drives have a great effect of making you tried and so I *yay* took a shower and slept BLISSFULLY till noon! Had film developed. Discovered that one hour is only about 75 cents more than one day. Go me! go here for some newbies Bought new music!! Aimee Man, Bob Dylan, NIN. good fucking shit! Now If I can muster the energy to swap out the CDs in my CD changer... Finally replaced a burnt out brake light bulb in my island car! Go me! Only took me about six months after noticing it. Looked all GOD DAMN MOFO over the place for FUJI 400 and to be CRUELY shutout. I should have looked off post, but a) it would be a SHITLOAD expensive and b) I had no yen He had no yen. He had no yen.
I finally settled for the more expensive (and I'm sure better anyway) Fuji 800. Even though there is nothing I have to photograph at the moment. With this woman...photography excites me even more than my already amateurish, touristy, and nostalgic nature of excitement. Does that even make sense? You ever have to hold yourself in check lest you ramble aimlessly forever? (Picture the illustraion on the cover of _Where the Sidewalk Ends_ and that's the danger I fear over that) I went back to work today. I didn't want to. REALLY hard to muster the power to rouse myself out of bed and get moving... Honestly though, I must say...it was good for me to be back in the office today. I've had far too much time to think and imagine and dream and be all queasy because of it. Work allowed me to sink myself into a little hole where the future didn't blissfully hurt me. Two months ago, if ayone mentioned being blissfully miserable, i would have written it off as an impossible oxymoron. Now I live it...and have lived it, for quite a few days now. I have several times in my life pondered metaphysics...the discipline of philosophy werein the very nature of reality is questioned. The most famous example of this lies in a chinese philosopher, Zhuang Zhou, and his poem of the butterfly, in which he dreamed he was a butterfly and questioned if reality was he as the butterfly in the dream, or he as the man on his awakening. This of course leads to the question of which is the preferably reality... This place I find myself now (as a butterfly), and the place I once found myself (as a man)...they are so different that this analogy applies. I can say with complete and utter honestly that I prefer the reality of the butterflly. Moreover...I don't care which is the truth and prefer to live as the butterfly. The thought of awakening terrifies me. current mood: elated
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