bah!

got some trekking gear from my family as booty. That's pretty much the only positive note this holiday season.

Have spent two hours u/w in the past two days...3 dives. I've got about 60 dives under my belt now.

Dinner tonight was spent at Tony Roma's...

Light show at the botanical gardens yesterday...

Pretty much everything as of late has just been something to keep my occupied...yet thoughts of the past continue to creep in edgewise...most especially late at night when I try to sleep. I haven't contacted her or gone to her journal in well over a week now. Everytime i log on i still wonder if I'll find a message from her in my inbox...and everytime I don't. At this point, actually, i cringe at the thought of it. I'm not even sure I like her now...as a s/o or even as a friend..and i don't know if that's a defense mechanism kicking in or if i just honestly don't want any part of her in my life anymore. I'm getting to the point where I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't even WANT to IM or email her. Now my thoughts are mostly centered with figuring out what I want out of all this, and how/when/if I'll even have to tell her. 

current mood:  discontent
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_  

rainingvodka 
2002-12-25 13:36 
yeah. i know. I've made every attempt to talk everything over. I've given her the space and time she wanted...

she won't tell me shit...and looking back, the only time she ever did was because she felt backed into a corner. that's why I'm sick of it. 

Yeah, i made mistakes. I'm human, that happens. Her rejection is not all my fault and it is not an indication that I'm an unlovable beast.

Now I'm just going to forget her and move on with my life...make sure I know a bit more about what the hell I'm doing and maybe not screw up so bad with the next woman.
  
oddharmonic 
2002-12-25 17:26 
And you have a card in the mail from us. Let me know if you need anything smallish for das trek! (Robert has decided it would ease my supposed envy if we go shopping for something of that sort for you. Me, I'm just excited thinking about touching all those Nalgene bottles.)

Let go of her! If she's really your friend, she'll still be around in the future. If you refuse to desist, I will e-mail naked pictures of... well, I don't know, but it sounds good. Yeah.

rainingvodka 
2002-12-25 18:12 
OK...if i think of something you can get me, I'll let you know...maybe something small and knick knacky that serves no real purpose except for cool points

and as far as letting her go...yes. I have been doing that, working on myself and in no way working on "us". Lately that's been easier to actually *do*...not just say I'm going to do or *try* to do...but actually do. As i wrote...I don't even WANT to talk to her. If i never hear from her again it doesn't matter too much to me. But letting thoughts or her go...that's just going to take a bit more time. 
 

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