3:15a - The Stage 
D is a good friend. he insisted on taking me to a strip club tonight...and while I wasn't sure if I could handle it emotionally, I consented because he just would not give up...

but it turned out good. While I normally grow excessively tired and bored at strip clubs, this one was a bit different...the dancers gave lap dances up on a revolving stage a) which didn't cost anything over the already stiff admission fee, b) and not only encouraged, but literally took your hands and placed them on their breasts, thighs, and back if you just sat there like a fool.

27 years old and tonight was the first night I touched bare breasts. That sounds so sad doesn't it? But you know...maybe it was the environment, or the fact that the women were strangers...but it wasn't any big deal. It was just...ok...well, this is kinda new...nice. Hmmm. ok.

I guess what I'm saying is it just...took some of the magic out of how I saw sex? I dunno. Still plan on waiting for the right girl...at least for now. I'm not interested in shacking up with someone that I know i could never have a future with. I'm still a dreamer that believes in making love and not just fucking.

But god...i learned enough about being naive and how wrong I was about my perceptions of love already...am I still just playing the fool thinking about sex the same way I always have?

Eh. no matter. I'm still going to wait. and the first time is probably going to be crappy because I'll be so awkward but I'm sorry...I still want to be IN love (as opposed to just, "loving") at least for the first time...I at least want that...

but enough of that. I was enjoying myself for a little while tonight...but one of the girls dancing...she depressed me. See...it was obvious she was a trained dancer. Her first dance she was fully clothed in this really wild outfit (and not "stripper" wild) and you could tell she was enjoying it, playing to a rapt audience (that only she saw...there was only one other person there besides D and I) and smiling up a storm. It was a classicaly trained dancer's dance...not a strip tease. Then she started unrobing and the smile just vanished. I plainly got the feeling this was not where she envisioned dance school taking her. I kept waiting for a tear to drop and mingle with her sweat. It made me so very sad. I felt like I was watching a dream dieing right in front of me. it made me recall how my own dream had died lately...and that was about the only time I almost got up and had to leave.

I got roped into paying for a couple of pictures with the dancers. I didn't really want to...yet... as there were hardly any customers, the girls weren't gonna make any money off them, so they were virtually beggin us to pay...

and well...shit. I think i've made it blatantly clear now that I am a total sucker when it comes to women...I'd post them like I do everything else, just to provide the usual visuals of my life...but since there's nudity I think yahoo would not be too happy...and as I've been too lazy to find another space provider, I'd like to keep my website up, thankyouverymuch. Perhaps I should start thinking more about taking up your offer oddharmonic a) for space, and b) for transcribing trail entries if I decide to do that. I was hoping the girl would do that...but...yeah. again. enough of that.

I worked a full shift today at work. So now it's late, and I'm tired, and I'm gonna go to sleep. I was thinking about heading out for the sunrise in a few hours...but I'm too tired and don't have enough to keep me awake enough to stay up for it. 

I have tomorrow off of work so I hopefully see some of yous in chat. :) 

current mood:  tired
current music: Wilco _Yankee Hotel Foxtrot_ 

banzooken 
2003-01-16 16:16 
I would be willing to ask Rob to put them on his computer/site/whatever its called (under my section of course) just to take care of my curiousity of seeing these pictures.

And I want to go to a strip club, whenever I end up in Vegas I think I shall demand to be taken to one.
 

oddharmonic 
2003-01-16 21:00 
*cheers* Boobies!

It's always a good moral to wait for love before making love. I tend to separate straight-up sex from sex with someone I care about, so your mileage may vary.

The pictures you shared with me were great. I now want to do a tour of strip clubs if I ever go to Japan.

My offer of both a Movable Type login and transcription stand firm. Holler when you're interested.

And no, there are no problems with nudity on geek.net. I think Hayden would like it if I posted more revealing pictures. (: 
 

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