I'm continuing what I started yesterday, with the tails of my trip and my life's progress since early December:

The next morning, I checked out at about 7:00, and got on the road again.  I thought I would have plenty of time to make it home, so, even though it was raining, I decided to take the long way home, Highway 101/1, along the California Coast.  I'm really glad I did, because it was absolutely gorgeous, even though it was soaking wet.  The rain left several waterfalls along the way, and I took a few pictures of the trip.  Once I got farther south, however, I realized I didn't have as much time as I had thought- the speed limit, safe speed limit, was much lower than I had anticipated.  I got to the wine country area late in the day, about 3 or 4 o'clock.  I was hungry too, having not stopped for lunch, so I pulled into a drive thru at McDonalds and ate while I drove.  I didn't want to stop for the night so close to home, so I drove on.  I got a little lost and that only made things worse, but I didn't need to backtrack, and just kept on going, eventually reaching 680 and then Highway 4. By then it was about 5:00 and I had to contend with rush-hour traffic, but I made it home around 6:00, beating mom and dad.

While I had fun on the trip and was glad I went, I was releaved to see home after the long drive and the week and a half I was gone.  The trip, however, made me realize how soon I was leaving for good and in that light I actually photographed my own room and Misha, so I could remember.  Later I would rearrange my room, however, but oh well.

So, it was then mid January, and classes were to start up the following Monday. Nothing really exciting to say about that, nothing unusual or out of the ordinary, nothing really worth mentioning.  It was my second semester, so the newness of college wasn' t as great.  I knew some people in a few of my classes, but that was all.  No big deal, I'm not much of a social person if I don't need to be, although I can be if I feel like it. I am neither frightened by or all embracing of solitude.  I don't need people, but I don't mind their presence, actually enjoy it oftentimes.  Angel Soto told me once, I just now remembered, that the only thing that changes are people.  Different people is what makes life exciting, unique.  Variation comes in people.  People is what makes life worth living.  Thus, I do not denounce people, to do so would be denounce variation and true life.  Angel retired in August(I believe it was), returning to Puerto Rico.  He was a good friend.  I miss him sometimes at work. The golf course just isn't the same as it used to be.  Ever since Angel left it's been different-little things, it seems, but they all add up.  The "corporation" seems much colder now, much less responsive to the employees, particually us on the range.  They don't really seem to care about us, even though they say they do.  Why, as a matter of fact, they cut my bonus in half this year, from $50 to $25.  I got suspended for goofing off, with no prior warning or notice.  I was goofing off, however, so I didn't say anything.  There was no need to antagonize anyone-besides, I really could have used the two weeks off.  I feel ok with it personally.  It has driven a wedge between the already flimsy relationship of Pat Cain and I.  I no longer respect him as a person-I see him as a hypocrite and m alicious dictator.  He never even said anything to me about, no conference or anything.  Chris Ryan told me about it. That's life though, "Que Sera Sera", what will be will be.  I was, however, mad at first, I must add.  I didn't just shrink back, and I refuse to.  I simply decided not to make an issue out of it-for nothing would happen, nothing beneficial at all.  I don't wish to get another job, not for five months.  When you can't win the big battles, you take the small ones someone once said, and I agree wit h that view.

Upon returning home, to put myself back into January, (Suspension was late February/ Early March) I learned about a full ride scholarship to Manhattan College, back east, in Manhattan.  After reading about the college in university guide-books that list almost all the nations universities, save the tiny ones, I learned it had an ERE program for undergrads.  I also learned it costs about $20-25,000 a year, that the teacher:student is 1:19, the student body runs about 3500, and that the college is Catholic, requiring three classes in religious studies for graduation.  I have no problem with the religious classes, even though I'm a devout agnostic.  They have courses in Islam and Buddhism and Taoism and religion in art, etc., not just straight Bible classes. For a full ride, however, I would even take such straight Bible classes if need be.  There is nothing wrong with learning of other cultures and religions, even if they don't agree with you.  An unexamined life is not worth living quote Plato, and I agree.  We must constantly question everything about ourselves if we ever seek any semblance of truth, well-being, or peace with ourselves.  One cannot accept anything for itself, or at face value, without observing, and thinking about, each and every side possible.  I applied for this scholarship, to return to that, but do not know the results as of yet.  I should know by as late as mid-April, as early as tomorrow.  There have been seven applicants, including myself, and I'm really hoping for it.  I really, really want to see New York, having never been.  The full-ride would really help mom and dad as well, and I don't say this to be self-rightous, I want to help them out with my college fees as much as possible.  It's a lot of money, and any scholarship I can get helps them out and lets them live a more comfortable life, especially when they retire.  I got my acceptance letter from the school a few days ago, Friday to be exact, so I at least know I was admitted to the college.  I know nothing of the scholarship.  I put a lot of time and energy into the essay and application, and got a really nice recommendation from Martin for it.  I hope against all else for this to happen for me.  More than anyone else, this would be for me, even though I also want to help mom and dad, I can't deny how much I want this for myself.

I haven't been able to get my novel published.  An agent read it for me, free of charge, and said that while it was a strong idea, the execution was less than marketable.  He said it wouldn't stand up in the face of competition because of this.  I still think it is a good book.  Someday, if I am able, I will rework it and try again.  For now, however, I have set it aside.  I haven't written much of anything lately, this is the most substantial thing save the two letters to Amy, that I've written for months.  I can't find my voice, nor the time.  I know I can make time if I have the desire, but it's just not there right now.  I hope it does not always go away, I must force myself to write, otherwise it will fade and years later I will look back, wondering why I stopped writing, or worse yet, just play it off as something of my youth, something I wasn't serious about, for I am deadly serious about my writings.  I need to write, have too, must. I can't stop because of a mere slump in desire.  While my writing has nearly grinded to a complete halt, my reading I try to continue, but it too, is losing ground.  Right now I am reading the Qua'Ran in bits and pieces at a time-mainly during lunch at school, since I have an hour and not usually much to do.  I have also begun reading the philosophy books I got at a used bookstore in Martinez last school semester.  My Calculus teacher, Mr. Gishe, whose homework I should be doing right now instead if this, has urged me on.  He is deep into philosophy, teaching it at the high school level at somewhere other than Antioch High School.  He is a really neat teacher, trying to rouse excitement from the class, to see the beauty and interelatedness of Calculus, as all things are interelated, especially in a philosophocal light.  We had a long discussion last Thursday about philosophy, and, remembering my class last semester, I told him I was really interested in metaphysics-what is real-and he urged me to further my interest in that, and to read more about it, and to find an author I really liked, or another person in a club perhaps, especially since metaphysics is a dying aspect-everyone concerned with the here and now and what we perceive, too much to worry about if what we see is true or not.  I like him a lot, and enjoy class.  In fact, I really enjoy all my classes, except for Ethics-because most of it is stuff I already know-although I am surprised occasionally, and that then gets me interested.  My art class is fascinating, getting me deeply involved into the visual arts, for I never really was.  The class was, to say, opened my eyes to world of visual art, releasaed me from the trappings of literature, allowing me to see a whole nother side of expression. I still treasure literature, don't be mistaken, but now see paintings and sculpture and architecture as well.  It really is good-allowing me to see part of the world I had virtually ignored once before.  Even though I am not a great visual artist, I can see what is meant by the art others do, what milestones they have accomplished, what they mean and interpret as being the world around them. For 40% of our grade, we must create a visual artwork-painting, ceramics, sculpture, etc, and document it to reveal our knowledge of the creative process.  I am painting one of my poems, Lost to Man. I am really looking forward to working on it even more, widening my horizon of learning and knowledge.