So seven job applications are in the hands of perspective employers now. I can only hope pray, and check up on them a lot...
I'll need to scope out more possibilities though. With this crappy job outlook here--that's probably not enough...

Picked up the new Pearl Jam single today--"Given to Fly"...I already had 2/3 of it on the demo tape of Yield...a "non LP release" makes up the last third--"Leatherman" very rockin', yet *odd* number...different. I like it.

Found someone with that Cure show--on dat and ex. qual! Hooray por me.
On other such notes, I drooled over mics today for a while online...!*one day*! But, right now I'm scrimping and saving--I stopped by Safeway today, and, lo and behold, canned vegies for two bits each (limit of four but I could take 4 of like four different veggies...course, all the corn was gone...) Hooray. Jeesh I feel poor when those little victories perk me up like that...but I *am* poor right now...gas bill was double the phone bill--that's too high for the gas bill...Liz had just turned on the heater--we read the bill...we turned off the heater. The of course credit card bill + books, still need more of those--prolly...but talking about prices/money how little I have here is pointless and boring--it's definately not helping any perspectives here...I'm a poor uni student with a semi-expensive habit...

God damn moses I hope I get one of those jobs--at the *very* least an interview...i'd hate to think I was turned downed by MCDONALDS for a fucking job--damn that would be pathetic. I'll feel like a total loser/worthless piece of flesh if that happens...

Watched _Killing Zoe_ tonight with Liz and her boyfriend on Liz's new VCR...that is so cool she got one--maybe she won't might if I rent _Hype_ to watch on it...hell I could even get a signal splitter from Radio Shack for like $2.99 prolly--it's a mono VCR but I can split the output mono signal into two channels--but the "real" movie soundtrack a DAT...liing that idea...but hot damnation if I wish I'd thought of getting that vid at Mom and Dad's--they've got a *great and huge* TV and good sound outta it too...that woulda been as close to the theatre as I could get now...*sigh* smack me forehead--I'm clueless sometimes...

I wandered--I just *love* that movie _Killing Zoe_ so great a plot/character/acting...I could really get into it and the character's heads--plus see how the story fit together, etc. etc...all that great stuff that happens with really great books...

Liz didn't like it--too bloddy she said...ahhh wellll. no accounting for taste...Watchign that movie, seeing french guy--the safe crackers friend--tell him 'to live is to experience *everything* is so center an ideal of mine...gotten me into trouble b4 too--just like them, of course, not nearly on that extent--i mean, wow, a bank/police/murder...etc.

Quetin Tarantino is truly a gifted director/scren writer...I gotta go see Jackie Brown--his new flic now too...

ON a lit note--just about done with _Gravitie's Rainbow_it's getting weird now...I mean, *really* unusual....and that's after 700+ pages of weirdness I thought was deep already...hmmmDoes that say somethign abou me? My favorite authors are the really abstract, weird ones....Vonnegut, Joyce, Hesse (weird to an extent), I loved _Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (that three volume comp they put out a bit backis all I've read)...now Pynchon. guess I just think strange thoughts and it shows in what I like to read about...not that it reflects in my writing I guess...i look at this shit Pynchon is doing and say, *fuck* I'm pathetic, a no-nothing, a worthless lone human being sitting around, picking my ass, as far from greatnesss/recognizition I could ever come--just another shit, sitting on the couch, watching a movie, eating popcorn and drinking a bear...slightly buzzed--watching the movie then is when most of it hit--the *smallness* of my life, of almost every single human life...4+ billion ppl, or is it 5 billiong (bill e aung) now--and almost all are just as "useless"/"pointless"/"insignificant"/"etc" (a little tongue in cheek on the ' "" ' ,just in case you thought I was going bonkers...). I can't honestly see myself, right now, as ammounting to anything close to childhood dreams of rich and successful and popular, media star, national hero, literary figure, performer, etc...just so utter a life of "quiet desparation" an immortal lighbulb, doomed to eventually know *everything* yet be able to change *nothing*...I swear, just too many ppl here for me to imagine being human as anything special--even despite the galaxy/universe around us and our so far unsuccesfful attempts to prove/disprove our solitude in space---that we/are not the lone sentinent species out there...so being human is not special, being me is not special, even, under the macroscope of so many people, a few "celebrities" here and there are not so special either--still a human. *really* meaningfull means non-human sentinent I guess...hmmm...that seems utter blabber... seem to be indicating that an android would be the only important creature then or something akin...I dunno, maybe it's true. Maybe we are so fucked up and have messed up so much--we longer place very high as far as having a purpose...this many ppl, if we were going to have done something of cosmic importance, we would have done it by now--if you look at it one way, like we are the fastest evolution in nature since the birth of the universe--maybe we need a few million years like the universe had to evolve into what it is now, into what supports us...but somehow I hardly see ourselves around here millions of years--we have what, four millions years until the sun burns out? I don't think we should worry about that time limit. That is definately a variable I would, as a practicing engineer, assume is meaningless--I'd give a time line of infinity...

I should do laundry tommorrow. It's hard to crawl out of bed when I'm just wearing boxers/t shirt/socks...need my sweat pants of pjamama-pants?, what to call those things, bottoms? dunno
It's just too warm and snug and comfy and It's so much nicer than the singer trundle I was sleeping in Antioch on--no offense mom and dad-I'm happy there was anything at all to sleep on!

And I wrote a new poem tonight, but I'm too lazy too type it all back out again...I have a few other poems to stick online too...I'll just do it tommorrow and cut and paste using the school computer lab--*so* much fucking quicker.

And I had to wonder if what I've said about drugs lately had some affect on sarah in her entry for view: 01.08.97 crazy canuk would list it as 08.01.97 i guess..;)

BUT, I think I'm just projecting too much of my worldy impact here...I think her pills are probably morer an influence.

Well I done now. i'm gonna try some things online then go to sleep. I suggest you do too (but then, i guess it depends on your time zone...and then the fact that I'm writing this now doesn't mean you're reading it at bedtime either...so, uuggh, disregard that suggestion, but do leave, they ain't gonna be more till tommorrow. I won't write more later than upload it in addition on this same page...gaah no I can't even stop writing. started that poem thinking I wouldn't come up wic anything too writing logged...jeesh!)

And yes, a lot of the new spellings/pronounciations are just accidents--mainly arising from typos I double plus good liked.