Misha purring...
09.22.98
9:33PM
So Derek just anwered my page, will Beth answer hers? Either case I have something to do and someone to hang with so zall good
Beth said she'd call tonight after 9...i figgered mebe she'd call and we'd catch a flick but she hasn't called so i paged her. I wonder if she's trying to flip mind games on me or because she's actually doing something (someone?) else...
Saw her last night--gave 'er a ride to Taco Bell cuz she doesn't have wheels and i was bored...We drove around a while talking about this and that, including sex. I told her I could bet her $20 that there was no way we'd end up sleeping together. She seemed to be seriously considering the bet...In some ways I guess you could label the idea prostitution, really--she said she'd seduce the sex out of me easily...
came back to mom and dad's pad for a bit where we talked
some more. We haven't kissed, hugged, groped, or anything of that sort.
I told her where I stand on the whole meaningless sex deal and she was
a little surprised--called me "gay" in jest. I just told her she didn't
know what to think of someone that didn't just want to have sex and it
made her uneasy, so she latched onto the easiest explanation for my (non)actions...I
think I hit a nerve there. For some reason I don't see her attitudes toward
relationships as very stable, and she doesn't seem one who will ever be
satisfied by the same man time and again...
But I guess that's just the way most people are nowadays.
Strange to think my ideals on the issue aren't the same. Must be the "loser"
bit of my life in school when I didn't hang out with the "cool" kids got
me out of the sex sex sex crowds...but i dunno, even when I did hang out
with some of the cool kids in high school towards the end, seemed to have
good values on love and sex and such. Is it just her entire generation
went wrong somewhere...more likely I'm just waking up to a piece of world
gone largely unnoticed until recently....life is all kinds of awakening
and turnings of the wheel...
I guess I'm just this sucker who continues to see woman
as people beyond their holes, and meeting promiscuous people is...what?
Why is it so strange for me? Just because there is a whole side of their
life I've never even touched, and never will, why does it make me uneasy
thinking about when the right woman will come, release me from this vail
on my loins, hahaha.
" I'm a dreaming man
guess that's my problem
I can't tell when I'm
not being real"
Neil Young
A damnable CHP offier pulled me over on highway 4 because my car's too loud and he says it has a "defective exhaust". Like, no kidding sir... that's one reason I'm getting rid of it and letting someone else sweat over it...So now I have a "fix-it ticket" and need to get a new muffler or something....*arrrgggghhhhhh*
9:56PM, K so I'm not going to see her tonight even if she wants to see me...an hour after she said she'd call she still hasn't. I wonder if doesn't like to hang with me anymore. I mean, she says I make her laugh and she thinks I'm "cool"...but she also says I almost scare her sometimes with the things I say, something about being so unusual in thoughts and ideas--which I pretty much take as a compliment, even if my thoughts perturb her...
Vacation was great. I was intoxicated in several ways the entire time...not just by drugs either. The thoughts of leaving everything I saw there was saddening. I felt lumps in my throat and pits in my stomach every time I stepped foot on campus. Only missing a few weeks of the semester, I felt like an alien there, that somehow I stood out "Not a Student" tattooed on my forehead or something maybe. What's worse is how I felt *wrong* there...not just that I seemed an outsider, but I truly truly *was*, that the place had never really been right for me is a serious question brought on by the weekend up there. But life moves on, the wheel weaves as the wheel weaves...
Picking up my parents from the airport tommorrow morning. I hope their flight isn't delayed too long. I should call and check on it before I leave...*supposed* to come in 9:15 or 9:25, depending on what airline they have to take because of the strikes...
Dropped my old bed and my old bookshelf off at Justine's. we went out to lunch and she drove me home after returning the U haul...Katrina started to fuss at the resteraunt (Brook's Ranch) and wanted to sit in the booth not the highchair...but once there she was all happy smily again. She's such a great kid.
So it's off to Legends sports bar to hook w/ Derek...