Nineteen>>>How Sweet
Harper throws her head back giggling and pulls her pant leg up on her jeans.
“Feel! I haven’t shaved in like a month!” She motions for her friends to rub her leg.
I make a horrified, disgusted face but don’t honestly care too much whether or not her legs or hairy or not. The beauty of Harper has made itself painfully obvious to me within the last couple weeks. I say painfully because every time I look at her I feel myself starting to lean in to kiss her and I have to restrain myself- especially on a day like this.
I’ve been living in my new condo for one week now and Harper thought it would be fun to have some people over. So who did we invite? Three of her closest girl friends. Thankfully, one of their boyfriends got dragged along to keep my company too. He and I exchange looks about their giggling and shake our heads, but we have an understanding that we both adore our girlfriends despite the way we act. There’s no question about that.
His name is Ben, and I’d say he’s pretty cool. He goes to the college, just like the rest of them, and it only intensifies the feeling that I am a worthless piece of crap compared to the rest of the goal-oriented scholars. I guess you couldn’t call Ben much of a scholar though. He explained to me that he’s part of a very wild fraternity where the beer to book ratio in his house is like 10 to 1. I’m a tiny bit jealous of his normal, jock-like lifestyle, but he’s a pretty cool guy.
His girlfriend, Julie, who I keep accidentally calling Julia, seems like a nice enough girl. Of the three girls Harper usually hangs out with, she is definitely the most quiet. You see that a lot you know. It’s not too uncommon to find big jocks with sweet, smart girls. It’s like they just want to break the stereotype. ‘I bet you think I would go after dumb blondes with breast implants right? Yeah well take that. She’s got a 4.0 GPA, BROWN hair, and she still wears her training bras from when she was 13.’ I don’t think that’s Ben’s philosophy though. He seems to genuinely love Julie. Then again, the expression that I read as ‘I love her’ could very well actually be ‘I can’t wait to get out of here so I can have wild sex with her’. My mind wanders to Ben and Julie’s sex life. I wonder if shy Julie is wild in bed. That is what Isaac always told me years ago- that it’s the quiet girls that are the craziest. But I dated a really quiet girl once and she hardly let me kiss her! I wonder if Julie follows that trend or not. I wonder if she doesn’t talk very much in-group situations so she can exercise up her vocal cords during sex. I shake my head in disgust. You are a terrible person, Taylor. Stop envisioning these people’s sex life.
Then there’s Payton. She’s definitely nuts. Whenever Harper hangs out with her she doesn’t seem to stop giggling. In fact, it makes me feel pretty competitive. Why doesn’t she ever laugh this hard with me? Am I not funny enough? Payton is your typical red-haired girl. Redheads are supposed to be fiery and energetic right? They have a different energy to them. She follows that stereo-type- always taking the role as the life of the party.
Payton holds out her own leg, hiking up her pant leg too. “I’m not much better!” She exclaims to Harper. She directs her attentions towards me and grins, “Do hairy legs turn you on Taylor?” I’m the new guy. They’re still testing me out and doing the whole ‘Ooo ask him awkward questions…’ thing. I’ve been here before.
Saying no could offend Harper since right now her legs are not smooth. Saying yes could make me seem like some creepy freak. I pause briefly before deciding that a sarcastic yes works the best. “Oh, definitely.”
Payton laughs and says to Harper, “Someone’s getting some action tonight then…lucky girl.” She winks at her and pulls her pant leg back down.
I blush and suddenly decide to sip my empty coke can one last time. Any distraction is a distraction. I cross my fingers and hope the conservation does not go where I do not want it to go. Ben does not need to know that Harper and I have done nothing more than kiss so far. That would be quite pathetic compared to the vocal, wild sex I’ve imagined up for him.
“Don’t you dare shave,” Payton adds in Harper’s direction.
The third girl is named Christina but the girls usually refer to her as Chrissy. I called her Chrissy once and received odd looks from them so from now on I’m sticking to Christina. In every group you have your attention-seeker, which in this case is the fiery redhead Payton, and you have your shy friend. Then there’s the girl in the middle- who you can’t quite describe as shy or outgoing. That’s Christina’s role. She balances everyone out. I can tell you something interesting about her though. Word has it she’s dated Nate, who as you might recall, is Estelle’s ex and current boyfriend. That could definitely be an interesting adventure for me to embark on one day when the entire group isn’t around.
Harper pats my knee with her hand probably because she senses that I’m a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Then she continues her conversation about how shaving when you’re going to be wearing pants anyway can be such a pain.
“Honestly though, Taylor and Ben,” Christina says, “Does it bother you to have sex with a girl when her legs aren’t perfectly smooth? Can you really feel it?”
I slowly start to rock nervously on the part of the couch I’m sitting on and watch Ben frantically. I don’t know the answer. I absolutely refuse to admit to this group of people though that I have never had sex in my entire 20 years of existence. That’s even worse than them knowing the extent of Harper and my physical relationship.
Ben shrugs and sits back coolly in his chair. “I never really thought about it.”
All eyes on me. I smile weakly and I can feel myself starting to feel dizzy. My virginity is one of my best-kept secrets. Mom, who knows I’m a virgin, says it’s something to cherish and respect about myself. But Mom doesn’t know what it’s like to be a 20-year-old post-celebrity. Thankfully, everyone always assumes I’ve had sex and never really asks about it so I never really am faced with this predicament.
“I never really thought about it either,” I mutter, getting up quickly. “I’m gonna bring some of these cups into the kitchen.” Quickly, I gather a couple glasses in my hands and hurry into my new kitchen. I place the glasses in the sink and rinse one under the water. I quickly pull a bottle of red wine out from the fridge and poor myself half a glass. I don’t care that I’m drinking wine from a juice glass. I drink it quickly anyway, feeling the soothing alcohol run through my body. I close my eyes and picture the wine running through my arms, down through my sides, and all the way down each of my legs.
Lately I’ve been more on edge. It’s been a little bit hard adjusting to my new condo. It’s so quiet. Now I’ve got a roomful of strangers probing me about my very boring sex life. It’s a good thing I never signed up for the military. I don’t do well under pressure. I fill the glass half way once more as Harper walks into the kitchen, watching me.
“What’s up?” She asks, eying me.
“I just thought I’d bring a couple glasses in here to keep the place clean. It’s my first week here and everything…” I’m a terrible liar sometimes.
She nods at the cup of wine in my hand.
“Real thirsty,” is all I can muster up. She raises an eyebrow and takes the wine from me, capping it, and putting it back in the fridge.
“Yeah, because wine is usually so thirst quenching…” She starts placing the glasses in the sink in the dishwasher for me. I watch her from behind and cannot help but think how beautiful she is. I always think my girlfriends are beautiful, but it’s times like these when I think they’re most beautiful. It’s not when they’re decked out in make up and silver jewelry. It’s their ordinary looks that really tend to turn me on.
“Well, I needed to escape the whole integration about how I would prefer my sex- or sex. Or whatever…”
Suddenly, I see her body jerk and she pauses. Quickly, she turns me to. “You’re a virgin aren’t you?”
I frown at her and throw the remaining bit of my wine down my throat, shaking my head at her. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
She walks over to me and eyes me, causing me to slowly back up. But she just follows me, cornering me between the fridge and the wall. “You are, aren’t you?”
“Harper, I’m a celebrity…”
“WAS a celebrity- when you were barely old enough to know what a condom was. You are, aren’t you?”
“No, no I’m not.” I try to picture my mother’s voice in my mind telling me it’s something I should be proud of. But all I can hear are the sneers of other guys my age, chiding me for my lack of experience with women. My own brothers think I’ve been laid at least once or twice!
“Don’t you dare lie to me Taylor Hanson, because I will find out. And when I find out you will always remain a virgin as far as I’m concerned.”
I wince as she presses against me. “You’re leaning on my balls,” I squeak, locking eyes with her.
She doesn’t move. She just continues to look at me.
“So what if I am! Not everyone has sex before their 21st birthday you know!” Now I’m frustrated. I hurt and she’s not moving and I’m revealing my valued secret and I wish she had not put that wine back in the fridge and…
She moves away from me and I can tell she’s standing there pondering the information. Slowly, a smile tugs are the corners of her lips. “How sweet. We’ll talk about this later. Thank you for being honest.” She kisses my lips lightly and walks back into the living room.
How sweet? No guy, unless he’s mentally ill, wants to be ‘sweet’. I groan and run my fingers through my hair. Why me God? Why me?