Twenty>>>Freaking Liar
So maybe I’m dramatic, but I felt like everyone in the room new my little secret the whole rest of the night. As I showed them to the door around 11:30 at night, I found myself staring them all in the eyes, trying to figure out if they thought of me now as a pathetic loser. In reality, I’d be surprised if anyone else had discovered my secret.
The rest of the night I sat there smiling throughout the conversations and adding a few jokes here or there. Inside my mind though I was cursing the heavens for the life I had been given. And something like that really shouldn’t be that big of a deal to me. There are other guys out there who can say they’re virgins, and some people even do think it’s pretty cool. By some people I mean Bible-thumping, homemade trouser-wearing hicks in West Virginia. To me this was a very big deal. I think the reason is because Isaac and Zac are both full of stories of their exciting and pleasuring sex lives. It is a brotherly competition, one I’ve yet to let them know they’ve won. Now, with Harper knowing, they are one stop closer to realizing their victory.
Harper and I were silent for the first couple minutes after our guests left. We were both busy cleaning up. She brought bowls of chips into the kitchen and washed them out. I folded blankets and put back couch pillows in the living room.
My condo is pretty nice. It’s got a nice living room, a small kitchen, a bedroom, and a bathroom. It’s all I really need to get by. It’s not very decorated so far, but I am proud to say some of my ceramics pieces are proudly scattered around the condo. When Harper asks where they come from I inform her that my sister is very into art and loves to make me these glazed vases. I’m building a great, honest foundation to this relationship, huh?
After a couple minutes of silent work, we collapse next to each other on the couch.
“Did you have fun?” She asks, looking at me and pushing the hair in my face away from my eyes. She struggles to get it to stay behind my ear, finally giving up.
I nod and pull my feet up next to me on the couch. “It was pretty cool.”
She kisses my forehead and watches me. She’s more affectionate than usual and I can’t quite figure out why.
“Thanks for letting them come over,” she says, quietly.
“No problem.” I close my eyes and wrap my arm around her body. Anyone who’s ever said a tropical island is like paradise has apparently never been curled up with the person they’ve fallen for on the couch late at night.
“Tay.”
She never calls me Tay. It’s always ‘Taylor’ or ‘Hey you’- but never ‘Tay’.
“Hm?”
“You know, I respect that. I can’t say the same, but I respect that.”
I open my eyes to look at her. Is she talking about what I think she’s talking about? Oh do we have to talk about it? I was hoping that was just a bad dream and I still seemed like a slick, experienced guy to her.
“Alright, fine. Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say.
“Really though, it’s nothing to be embarrassed of.”
“Okay.”
“Why are you ashamed of that?”
Can Harper take a hint!? I don’t want to talk about it. Stop probing. Stop asking. New subject! How IS the weather today anyway?
Annoyed, I groan and close my eyes again. “Harper, we really don’t have to talk about this. I don’t want to.” She leaves me no choice but to be blunt.
“Well we’re going to. It’s kind of silly Taylor, if you think about it. Lying about something that dumb?”
“I never lied.”
“Oh you did too lie.”
“I didn’t lie! I just didn’t tell the truth. There’s a difference.” Maybe we can start a discussion about the difference between lying and not telling the truth. That would be an improvement from this conversation for me.
“I even think it’s kind of sexy.” She raises an eyebrow at me.
Sexy? Sweet is no good, but sexy? I can handle sexy.
“How come…?”
“Because it’s just sweet-”
“But you said sexy!” I exclaim. That was not supposed to come out my mouth. That was supposed to be an internal thought.
She laughs and kisses my lips. “It’s sexy too. Trust me. Ask any girl…”
“No, no, no. We’re not asking any girl. We’re keeping this a secret.”
“But girls like that kind of thing! I swear! It’s guys who hate it. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Okay so there’s one guy who has saved himself and hasn’t had sex and is waiting for it to count, right? Girls like that. Its sweet AND sexy to them, right?”
I nod.
“Of course guys are going to hate that! He sets a terrible precedent for the rest of them. Horny assholes want girls to think all guys are sex-obsessed assholes. Then when one guy breaks that standard they feel threatened.”
I raise an eyebrow, trying to make sense of this logic. I take a moment to really truly consider this possibility. Maybe she does have a point…Could it really be that virgin guys are not really considered wimps, but really threats against the entire male species? Nah…
“Okay well just don’t tell anyone. And I mean ANYONE. That is our secret.” I look at her seriously, so she knows this is important to me.
“Alright then.”
“Do you swear?”
“Do you swear to never lie to me again?” Her expression is a mixture of amused and annoyed.
“I didn’t lie, you know.”
She grins and shakes her head at me. “You fibbed.”
“I didn’t fib either! I didn’t fib and I didn’t lie.” I stick my bottom lip out at her and cross my arms at my chest, totally playing up the situation.
She reaches her hands towards me and starts tickling at my sides. I squirm and laugh. “I’m not ticklish! You’re wasting your time!” I gasp in between giggles.
“See you’re still lying!” She laughs, jumping on me and continuing to tickle my sides. When I can hardly breathe, she stops and looks at me, watching me recover from her torture. My life is complete when she places a soft kiss on my lips and mutters, “Freaking liar…