TOKYO-3 BABY-SITTERS
 
Written by Alain Gravel 

http://www.geocities.com/rakna01/

Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
Started on June 30th 2000
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000
Second pre-reader draft finished on December 17th 2000
Final draft finished on April 6th 2001

==================================================================

Chapter 7 - Going forward


    Subcommander Fuyutsuki Kozo frowned.
    Unlike Commander Ikari, NERV's second-in-command was an easy 
man to read. He would smile when he was pleased, frown when 
perturbed or annoyed and look angry when needed. While he did show 
a serious expression most of the time, he wasn't as intimidating 
as the Commander. Which was probably why people found facing 
Fuyutsuki a hundred times easier than facing the Commander. At 
least you could tell that Fuyutsuki was human.
    "Could you repeat that?"
    "I'm asking to be relocated to Geofront, Sir."
    For a moment, the Subcommander wondered if he should be more 
worried about the request coming from the German girl, or by the 
fact that the girl had called him "Sir". While an excellent pilot, 
Sohryu Asuka Langley was not known for her respect of military 
hierarchy. Or anybody else except perhaps Kaji Ryouji.
    "I know a number of living quarters are available inside of 
Headquarters. I would like to be relocated to one of those rooms, 
Sir."
    Indeed, a number of living quarters had been built within NERV 
headquarters, for the use of Evangelion pilots and key personnel. 
But in the end, those quarters had remained unoccupied save for 
one. They were still kept in acceptable condition, however, in 
case of a headquarters lockdown.
    Kozo didn't know what to think of the girl's request. It 
worried him. The fact that the girl wanted to isolate herself from 
the rest of the world could very well indicate that she was near a 
nervous breakdown. However, she and Rei were the only active 
pilots, and if isolating the girl could actually keep her stable 
long enough to fight at least until Shinji was again able to 
pilot, then it was worth a try.
    He hated this. Was he becoming as cold and calculating as 
Ikari?
    "I don't see any reason why I should object to this request. 
But is it really what you want? You'll be living alone there, 
without much to do. And it will considerably lengthen the trip for 
school."
    "I don't intend to attend school for the next few weeks, Sir. 
I'm aware of the current state of my synch ratio and plan on using 
as much time as NERV will permit on training here at Headquarters. 
If possible, I would also like to help out here in any way there 
is. I believe work in the field would be more productive for me 
and NERV, considering that I've already graduated from college."
    The man noted the girl's emotionless tone, as well as the way 
she had replied without hesitation. An answer all thought up. It 
was clear that whatever the reason behind this request, the girl's 
mind was set. Perhaps it was for the best. If a bit of isolation 
could help the girl face her problems, then her request should be 
granted... for now. But Kozo took a mental note to request a 
reevaluation of the Children's psychological profiles as soon as 
possible. He had the feeling that if nothing was done soon, 
everything would fall apart. Shinji was in no condition to help. 
The Fourth Children was still suffering from the trauma of his... 
accident. Rei seemed to be taking a path different from what the 
Commander had planned for her, which could prove to be very 
dangerous for her. And it was clear that the girl before him 
wouldn't be able to hold herself together much longer.
    Something had to be done. Unfortunately, Kozo had no idea what 
needed to be done.
    "Will you be able to work with the First Children the next 
time an Angel attacks?"
    While the girl needed help, the first priority was to make 
sure she could still be of use. While he didn't personally approve 
such lines of thought, Kozo knew it was necessary. There was no 
doubt in his mind that one of the persons the girl wanted to 
isolate herself from was Ayanami Rei.
    "There won't be any problems between Pilot Ayanami and I, 
Sir."
    Kozo, however, didn't miss the way the girl had clenched her 
fist. Silently, he hoped that the Angels would wait until Shinji 
was ready for combat again. As unpredictable as the boy was, his 
presence would still make him more secure. Even if Unit-01 was to 
remain under freeze.
    "Request granted. I'll make the necessary arrangements. Report 
back to my office in two hours and we'll discuss your new 
schedule."
    "Yes Sir."
    Kozo sighed as he watched the girl leave his office. Such a 
burden on one so young.
    From a drawer of his desk, he pulled a framed picture. It was 
ten years old and was one of the few which had survived.
    He could see himself on the right side of the picture. While 
his hair was already gray, he looked a lot younger in this 
picture, leaning against a chair and a smile on his face. He noted 
bitterly that the lab coat he was wearing on that picture had 
always suited him better than the military uniform he now wore.
    On the other side of the picture stood a man he hadn't seen in 
a decade. Ikari Gendo. Not the man who sat in the darkness of his 
enormous office, but rather a man smiling and who looked content 
with life. Kozo had never really liked Gendo, but right now he 
would have given anything to see him smile in such a manner. 
Because, he knew, the source of that smile was the woman seated on 
a chair between the two men. She wore a lab coat like both man 
did, but somehow it looked good on her. She had the most beautiful 
smile Kozo had ever seen, short brown hair and blue eyes; eyes he 
had recognized in her own son. Eyes which showed the kind, gentle 
and sensitive soul within.
    With a finger, Kozo touched the glass protecting the woman's 
face behind it. It seemed appropriate; she had always been out of 
his reach, even when she had been alive.
    "Why, Yui? Why must we rely on ones so young? Why must we 
sacrifice these children's lives for our sake? You wouldn't have 
wanted that, I'm sure... but is there any other way? Each night, I 
pray for all this madness to end and for you to watch over them. 
I'm so tired of this Yui. The secrets, the lies, the sacrifices. 
So tired..."

                              - - -

    "Shinji, Shinji, Shinji..."
    Misato had been repeating the name like a mantra now, as if 
fearing that she would forget it. She had came back home to find 
it empty. No Rei, no Shinji. She had looked everywhere for Rei, 
and more importantly Shinji, without any results. The baby and the 
girl had apparently vanished without a trace. Misato had rarely 
felt that helpless. She had no idea what would happen to her if 
she was to lose her baby...
    At the sound of the apartment's door opening, Misato jumped to 
her feet and reached the entrance so fast that she might have made 
a few Olympic sprinters jealous. Her worries faded and were 
replaced by joy as she saw Rei pushing Shinji's stroller in the 
apartment.
    "SHIN-CHAN!!!"
    Rei felt the stroller being ripped from her fingers and 
seconds after, Misato was fiercely holding Shinji in her arms, 
tears wetting her cheeks as she called his name over and over 
again. Being so rudely woken up and now being almost squeezed to 
death upset Shinji, who started to cry. However, Misato paid it no 
attention. Now that Shinji was safe in her arms -- at least in her 
opinion -- she gave Rei an angry look, missing entirely the blue 
haired girl's somber expression.
    "How could you do that, Rei?! How could you take away my 
Shinji without my permission?!"
    Rei stared, eyes wide, not having expected such an outburst 
from the Major.
    "Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Where the hell were 
you, young lady?!"
    "We... we went to the park... then had a picnic into 
Geofront..."
    Had Misato not been as angry as she was, she might have 
noticed that Rei wasn't her usual self. But all she could see 
right now was a girl who she felt was a threat to Shinji. Her 
Shinji, her little baby. So the woman completely ignored the 
girl's poor attempt of defending herself from her anger.
    "What's the idea of not answering your phone and avoiding the 
Section 2 agents in charge of protecting you? Are you out of your 
mind?! This is the sort of thing I could have expected of Asuka, 
but not from you! I'm very disappointed in you Rei! How could you 
have been so irresponsible?"
    Disappointed. Irresponsible. These words hit the blue haired 
girl like bricks. Never had she been called that before. And those 
words hurt, in a way very similar to how the words from the boy in 
the park had.
    "Why didn't you at least leave some kind of message?! What 
were you thinking?! How was I supposed to know you were out having 
fun?! Do you know how many people I've sent to look after you? Not 
only was it thoughtless, but you wasted precious NERV resources! 
This is totally unacceptable!"
    While the Major kept yelling at her, Rei removed her backpack 
from her shoulder and searched through it, to remove her cell 
phone. She pushed the on/off button, without getting a reaction 
from the communicating device.
    "I've forgotten to recharge the battery. It's my fault..."
    The sight of tears rolling down pale cheeks cut through the 
red haze of the Major's anger.
    "Rei..."
    "I've been careless... irresponsible... stupid. I... I don't 
deserve this. You're right, I'm... I'm not fit to take care of 
Shinji..."
    Before Misato could say a word, Rei ran past her, in tears, 
towards her new room. The Major's anger burned out at that sight. 
This scene was all too familiar... she had seen Shinji seek refuge 
in his room in such a manner too often.
    Misato suddenly felt very guilty with the way she had lashed 
out at the girl. Rei had done something that had felt right to her 
and it wasn't her fault if the guys in Section 2 weren't good 
enough to even keep track of a single girl. She had made a simple 
mistake, and it had escaped the Misato's mind that Rei, despite 
appearances, was only human and therefore not perfect. Rei was 
entitled to make mistakes just as much as she was, probably more, 
considering that the girl was only a child, unlike her. Misato 
decided that she would need to apologize, but now didn't seem like 
a good time. She needed to calm down first and she had to do 
something about the baby crying in her arms.

                              - - -

    She hated this office.
    This conclusion came to her as somewhat of a surprise.
    She could remember a time when she had been eager to walk into 
that office, when the sight of him at his desk would make her 
heart skip a beat. But now, she realized, she didn't feel a thing. 
Had that time spent in Terminal Dogma, isolated from anyone aside 
from her trusted assistant, working on a device dedicated to bring 
Shinji back to his rightful age, changed her so much?
    Somehow... she didn't seem to care anymore. She didn't care if 
he looked at her or not. She didn't care if he thought of her or 
not. She didn't care about him anymore...
    As she thought back to the past week, she realized that she 
had been thinking less and less of him. There had been no time 
really. The last days had been so stressful, she had been so 
busy... she had never felt more alive, more happy. To work on 
something constructive, something worthwhile. And Maya, sweet 
adorable Maya. They had worked together before, but never like 
this. It felt... right. Ritsuko couldn't quite describe it, but 
Maya's presence brought joy in her life, it was a feeling she 
hadn't felt ever since she and Misato had parted ways after 
college. Maya was always so eager, so cheerful. And Maya looked up 
to her, admired her in a way she barely tried to hide anymore. 
Ritsuko had come to realize that there was probably even more to 
Maya's feelings toward her, and somehow, it didn't make her 
uncomfortable anymore. Maya didn't seem to be expecting anything 
from her and somehow... it felt good that someone cared about her. 
That her existence was meaningful for someone. For some time, she 
had hoped that the Commander would someday look at her the way 
Maya did, but Ritsuko had lost those illusions now.
    "We need more time." said the doctor very simply, wanting to 
keep this meeting as business-like and as short as possible. Time 
was of the essence and she didn't want to face him too long. "At 
least ninety-six hours. There are numerous bugs in the system that 
need to be found and fixed. Estimations from MAGI suggest that if 
we begin tomorrow, there's a eighty-two percent chance that 
problems will occur in the growth process. This is too much of a 
risk."
    "What are the probabilities of those problems leading to the 
Third Children's death?"
    "Twelve percent, Sir, but..."
    "Request denied."
    Ritsuko gasped. He couldn't have said that?
    "But Sir..."
    "You're dismissed."
    "No."
    Ritsuko had always considered herself as a calm, rational 
woman. She always tried to keep her emotions in check, because she 
knew that had been her mother's downfall. Her mother may have been 
a genius, but she had always been too impulsive, too reckless, for 
her own sake. Despite history repeating itself in the form of 
Ikari Gendo, Ritsuko was determined never to be like her mother.
    But there were limits to how much she could keep in, and 
sometimes she would simply snap. It had happened an alarming 
number of times with Misato of late.
    She could feel her anger boiling and she know there was no 
stopping it, no matter how dangerous it was to get on Ikari's bad 
side. In her mind, she could see all the scenarios predicted by 
MAGI. Shinji, still as an infant, dissolving in LCL. Shinji, dying 
a gruesome death as his skeletal structure grew faster than flesh 
and muscles. Shinji, back to teenage state, but showing mental 
problems ranging from brain death to motor and mental problems. 
Shinji, with a few body parts not quite developed as they should 
have... To submit such an innocent baby, one she had held into her 
very own hands, to such risks, it was unforgivable!
    Ritsuko took a long deep breath. Ikari Gendo was like an 
impregnable fortress and getting angry at him would not only be 
futile, but most likely work against her. No, it was more a matter 
of finding the cracks in the man's walls and striking there.
    "No. I won't accept that. What's your problem, Ikari? Don't 
you even care one bit about your own son? I followed your orders 
without question so far, but I won't let you sacrifice that 
infant. Not when it's avoidable."
    The Commander didn't even seem concerned by the doctor's 
insubordination.
    "You will leave now and do as I say, or I will call Security 
and have you put in an holding cell... Doctor."
    Whatever respect Ritsuko had kept toward Ikari died in that 
instant. That man was a monster. Why hadn't she seen it before? 
How could she fall in love with such a cold man?
    God help mankind, as its fate rested in such a man's hands.
    Still, she wouldn't give up without a fight. After all, she 
knew what buttons to push...
    "If you don't give us more time, then you can forget about 
your precious Unit-01."
    That did get his attention. She could read it in his body 
language, as subtle as it was.
    "You have thirty seconds to explain yourself, Doctor."
    "The events that occurred over a month ago clearly suggest 
that Unit-01 will synch with Shinji and only Shinji. It rejected 
Rei and the dummy plug, despite both previously synchronizing with 
Unit-01 in the compatibility test and in the fight against the 
Thirteenth. But Shinji synchronized with it without any problem. 
The EVA won't accept anybody but Shinji. If you want more proof, 
we could try a compatibility test between Asuka and Unit-01, but 
I'm certain she'll do as poorly as Rei did. Which is why we need 
to get Shinji back as close as possible to his original form. 
Unit-01 may not recognize him as Shinji otherwise."
    "Are you saying we wasted precious time and resources in your 
project?"
    "I'm saying that the project will surely fail if you don't 
give us the time we need. The fate of your precious Unit-01 is in 
your hands."
    Tension filled the air. Other than Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko was 
probably the person who knew the Commander the best. It didn't 
show on his face, but she could almost hear the gears in his brain 
frantically analyzing the situation and trying to fit the new 
facts in his plans.
    "Permission granted. You have seventy-two hours. Make the best 
of it. Dismissed."
    "Yes Sir."
    Ritsuko smiled triumphantly as she left the office. She had 
actually won over the Commander and had managed to get what she 
wanted. She'd have to thank Maya. The idea of asking a day more 
than necessary had been pure genius.
    Maybe her pupil wasn't as innocent as she had originally 
thought.

                              - - -

    "Finally..."
    Asuka looked at the note in her hand and confirmed that the 
number on it fit the number of the room. Sector K, room B-02. That 
was it. With a swift slide of her security card, the double steel 
doors in front of her slid open as they were meant to. With the 
illumination provided by the corridor, Asuka quickly found the 
light switch on her left and the previously darkened room revealed 
itself to her. Carelessly, she let her suitcase, containing all 
the baggage she had brought with her when she had moved to 
Hikari's house, fall to the floor, then she removed her shoes and 
evaluated the room. It was a twin room, as clearly shown by the 
two single beds that took most of the space. Asuka would probably 
have found it small if she had been forced to share it with 
someone else, but since she was alone, it was quite convenient. In 
any case, it was an improvement over her old room back in the 
Katsuragi household. Most likely, the room was designed for higher 
staff members, as it was equipped with a wall embedded television, 
a music system, video disk player and a phone. There wasn't much 
closet space, but Asuka didn't mind. She hadn't brought many 
clothes with her in the first place. She did frown when she 
entered the bathroom, however. It was almost as small as the 
closets. Well, the women's shared bath wasn't that far away, so 
she could always use that. But she would probably stick to taking 
showers anyway.
    Mostly satisfied with her new living arrangements, Asuka 
gracelessly flopped down on the nearest bed, feeling both 
physically and mentally drained.
    "Finally alone now..."
    The decision to live in Geofront hadn't been an easy one to 
reach. Part of Asuka wanted to accept Hikari's offer for help, a 
part of her craved the companionship she tried so hard to avoid. 
Another part of her was angry at the fact that she was doing the 
very thing she despised in her former roommate, Ikari Shinji; she 
was running away. Running from others, running from her problems, 
running from herself. But in the end, Asuka rationalized her 
choice as the only acceptable one. She wasn't running away, she 
was simply taking a break. For some reason, along the way, she had 
lost her focus. Maybe it was Misato's little family life which had 
softened her. Maybe Shinji's latest victories had been harder to 
accept than she had first thought. She needed to find her center 
again and for that, she needed to free herself from the influence 
of others. Misato, Hikari, and especially Wondergirl and her 
wonder child.
    Not to mention a few memories she needed to bury deep down 
again.
    The girl grabbed her pillow and clutched it tightly, in an 
effort to fight back the tears.
    She couldn't be weak. Not now. Not while she still had a 
chance to become the best again.
    "I'll show them... I'll show them all..."
    Her choice had been made. Years ago, when she was still a 
little girl. She just had to keep going forward...

                              - - -

    Dinner time came, but Rei didn't join Misato for the meal. Rei 
was not one to skip a meal, except in the case of an emergency, a 
fact which further convinced the Major that, indeed, the girl was 
upset. The woman guiltily bit her lip, but didn't have the courage 
to go talk to the girl. She wasn't good at this sort of thing. She 
felt that she had nearly lost Shinji to EVA because she hadn't 
taken good enough care of him and it appeared she had lost Asuka; 
Subcommander Fuyutsuki had informed her of the latest whereabouts 
of her *former* charge. So she found herself at a loss at how to 
deal with Rei.
    She only worked up her courage two hours later as she exited 
her bath. Only clad in a towel, she quickly dried her hair and 
walked toward the room that was now Rei's. She slowly opened the 
door, a ray of light pouring into the previously darkened room. An 
intense sense of deja vu hit Misato as she saw the girl lying on 
her side on the bed, slightly curled up on herself, Shinji's SDAT 
headphone in her ears. If it hadn't been for the cerulean mop of 
hair, she might have mistaken her for Shinji. The old Shinji.
    One of those days, she would definitely need to drag Rei along 
to get the girl her own clothes...
    "Rei..."
    If the girl had heard her, she didn't show it. It was tempting 
to stay there and apologize from the doorstep, but Misato knew it 
wouldn't do. So she sat down on the bed and hesitantly touched the 
girl's shoulder. Her eyes opened and her head turned toward the 
Major, showing that Rei had been awake as Misato had suspected. 
Misato noted that she didn't hear any sound coming from the SDAT's 
headphones, so Rei was probably using it as background noise and 
not to tune out the world like Shinji often did.
    "Rei... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you... I was 
upset and I didn't think and..."
    "There is no need to worry about me, Major. You were right, I 
should have left indications about my whereabouts."
    "Maybe... but I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. 
So, you've made a mistake... I seem to be making plenty of them 
lately. I... I'd still like you to help me take care of Shinji..."
    The girl looked up at the older woman, her eyes suddenly 
looking bright.
    "I... I would like that."
    Misato sighed in relief, a certain weight being lifted from 
her shoulders. But soon, Rei became somber again. Was it possible 
that something else was troubling her?
    "Rei... is there something you'd like to talk about? 
Sometimes, it helps to talk about your problems..."
    For a moment, the girl seemed to consider the woman's words, 
but sadly shook her head.
    "I once believed I knew myself, Major. But I was wrong, I 
still haven't discovered who I am. And I am afraid I am the only 
one who can search for the answer."
    "I see..."
    While she couldn't argue with Rei's words, Misato still 
worried. Something must have happened to her. The girl before her 
was a scared, confused and vulnerable girl, not the cold and 
rational girl she was used to. But if Rei didn't want to talk 
about it, there was nothing she could do. Out of options, Misato 
tried to comfort the girl with a hug. Rei gasped at the sudden 
contact, but didn't try to pull away, like Shinji might have.
    "Well, if there's anything you want to talk about, you know 
where to find me," said Misato as she let go of the girl, got up 
and headed toward the door. "In the meantime, try to sleep. It's 
easier to think with a rested mind."
    "Thank... thank you, Major," replied Rei, bringing a smile to 
Misato's face.

                              - - -

    As she slowly immersed herself and baby Shinji in the bath's 
warm water, Ayanami Rei yawned. She hadn't slept very well. Time 
and time again she had replayed in her mind her conversation with 
the man she knew as Kaji Ryouji, until finally exhaustion did its 
work.
    The problem in itself was very simple. Despite how right 
Kaji's words had sounded, one truth remained: she was replaceable. 
If she defied the Commander, he could just kill her and pull a 
third Rei out of the clone tank. Even if she tried to fight back, 
it would all end with her demise. The Commander would probably go 
as far as sending an Evangelion to do the job, if needed. She 
could indulge herself in some fantasy of freedom, but the truth 
was that she would always remain a puppet for him to command, 
until he would truly need her.
    But living like this... wasn't it another form of death?
    'The world is filled with opportunities.'
    Again, Kaji had spoken the truth, Rei realized. For as long as 
she had lived, Rei had held the belief that her fate was for the 
Commander to decide. However, recent events hadn't been expected 
by the Commander.
    'The truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you.'
    Another truth. The Commander had created her, but he was by no 
means God. If unexpected occurrences had already happened, then 
others might present themselves. Opportunities she might be able 
to seize if the time was right.
    All she had to do was wait... and hope.
    She found it very hard, however, to remain hopeful. Without a 
doubt, the Commander was aware of her recent actions. However, the 
fact that he hadn't voiced any comments on her recent decisions 
was not to be mistaken as a path to freedom. Those actions simply 
had no influence on the Commander's plans. Rei wasn't required to 
go to school. There was no need for her to learn the tools she 
would need to build herself a successful future, as she had no 
future of her own. The only reason the Commander had her attend 
school was to create the illusion that the First Children, Ayanami 
Rei, was just an ordinary teenage girl like her teammates. It was 
necessary to avoid arousing suspicion within the UN or SEELE. So, 
despite the changes in her life, everything was still going 
according to the Commander's wishes.
    But further straying from the path the Commander had chosen 
for her would most certainly lead to her death. It was a simple 
truth and no amount of wishful thinking would change that.
    There had been a time when death hadn't been a frightening 
concept to the girl. In fact, she had wished for it, would have 
welcomed it. An end to her loneliness, to her silent suffering, no 
longer to be used as a tool but rather be dead and remain forever 
untouched, unspoiled by those feelings which pervaded her. But 
then, Shinji, the young boy, had entered her life. He had made her 
feel certain things. It was subtle, but enough to sometime stop 
wishing for an end to this aberration that was her life. Death, 
however, only truly became something for her to fear in the last 
few days. She couldn't yet identify everything that had changed in 
her life, but she knew for certain that something important had 
changed... something she didn't want to lose. For once, she had a 
place, a life, and no longer craved for nothingness. Rather, she 
wished for the opportunity to explore this unexpected gift.
    But as long as she remained bound by the Commander's will, it 
simply wasn't possible.
    The faint sound of the phone coming from the kitchen cut 
through Rei's musings. The only time her cell phone rang usually 
meant an important call from either Doctor Akagi or the Commander. 
So Rei had almost jumped out of her bath to answer it. But this 
wasn't her cell phone. And she wasn't alone in the apartment. Not 
to mention that she would probably not have the time to reach the 
phone even if she tried. And even if nobody answered the phone, 
then the caller could leave a message on the answering machine, 
which the Major had shown her how to operate a few days earlier. 
So, Rei tried to relax and let the warm water soothe her tensed 
muscles.

                              - - -

    As he retrieved one of the last few beers left in Misato's 
fridge, Pen-pen looked at the ringing phone. Since penguins can't 
talk, he waddled back to his own fridge.

                              - - -

    In her bed, Misato groaned as she heard the phone ringing. Who 
the hell was calling this early in the morning? Couldn't a girl 
get some sleep?
    Saying that Misato was tired would be putting it lightly. 
Shinji had woken a few times during the night resulting in very 
little sleep for her. Maybe she should let Rei take care of him 
tonight.
    After the fourth ring, the answering machine did its job and 
the purple haired woman dozed off to sleep again.

                              - - -


    Rei had been feeding Shinji when she heard the doorbell. She 
found herself rather surprised to see a group of Section 2 agents 
standing behind the door.
    "We're here for Major Katsuragi," simply said the man who was 
apparently the leader of the group, a man of medium build, but 
with a stern look.
    The situation was unmistakably serious, obvious from both the 
man's tone and the look on his face. So, with a baby Shinji still 
drinking his bottle in her arms, the girl headed toward the 
Major's room.
    In this world, there are some things that can't be explained 
by science. Some call those miracles. Other label them as 
unexplained phenomena. But no matter the lack of explanations, 
those special events still have their place within this thing we 
call reality.
    As she slid Misato's door with a foot, Rei witnessed such an 
occurrence. With the exception of the futon on the middle of the 
room and the woman sprawled on it in a very unladylike fashion, 
the room was spotless. The garbage, clothes and other 
miscellaneous items that initially hid the floor had apparently 
found their way into their respective places. The floor and walls 
had been washed, desk and other furniture had been dusted.
    The Major must have been possessed. Or maybe replaced with an 
alien. There was no other explanation for such a sight.
    Even someone like Rei couldn't hide her surprise. She blinked 
twice as she saw the room's aura of cleanliness. Her surprise was 
short lived however as she remembered the men waiting at the door.
    "Major. Major Katsuragi."
    The said Major only grumbled something unintelligible, before 
shifting to her other side and drooling on a part of her pillow 
that had been previously dry.
    "Major, wake up."
    In some people's opinion, Rei had learned and matured a lot. 
The girl hadn't yet, however, learned the useful skill of 
"shouting", unlike another certain Evangelion pilot. As is was, 
Rei's low soft voice wasn't enough to cut through the fog of 
Misato sleep. Perhaps it was unfortunate for the purple haired 
woman. Her hands already busy holding Shinji, only one suitable 
course of action seemed left to the blue haired girl.
    She kicked the sleeping woman in the ribs.
    Needless to say, that woke her up.
    "Uh... what the...?"
    Misato raised her head and tried to find her assailant. While 
it took a few instants for her eyes to find their focus, she did 
recognize the blurred figure over her with the help of her hair 
color.
    "... Rei? Why'd ya hit me? I thought you weren't angry with 
me..."
    "You would not wake up."
    Misato groaned. She hated it when her sleep was interrupted.
    "Section 2 asked for you."
    Misato's still fuzzy mind cleared at those words. That 
couldn't be good. She got up and prepared to go see what Security 
and Intelligence wanted with her, but found Rei blocking her by 
standing in the doorway.
    "Err... Rei? You said they were waiting, right?"
    "You might want to get dressed first."
    Only then did Misato realize that she was actually wearing a 
rather alluring teddy. Especially considering that it was the only 
thing she was wearing.
    "Oh..."
    Two minutes later, the Major exited her room wearing jeans and 
a T-shirt, partly covered by her uniform jacket, which concealed 
her gun... just in case. Section 2 rarely visited to deliver good 
news. And if the faces of the men waiting for her were any 
indication, this was no courtesy visit indeed.
    "What can I do for you, gentlemen?" asked Misato, with as much 
acid in her voice as she could muster. Whatever those guys' 
business was, she still hated being woken up when sleeping so 
soundly.
    "You are to come with us, Major."
    "What for?"
    "Subcommander Fuyutsuki's been kidnapped."
    After nearly two weeks spent outside of NERV, Misato had 
gotten used to life at home. That latest revelation however, 
brought back her military instincts.
    "Rei, I'll have to leave for a while. Watch over Shinji, 
okay?"
    Rei froze for a moment. She had expected the Major to watch 
over Shinji in the afternoon. Misato noticed the worried look on 
the girl's face.
    "Is there something wrong, Rei?"
    The Commander wouldn't like this... but there was no other 
choice.
    "Nothing, Major."
    Misato seemed doubtful, but didn't push the matter further. 
Already, she had other things in mind.
    "Fine. Take care of yourself and Shinji. Back as soon as I 
can."
    This finally settled, Misato followed the agents sent for her, 
leaving a worried Rei behind.

                              - - -

    Rei looked at her watch with growing uneasiness. Twelve hours, 
fifty-nine minutes. It wouldn't be long now. Her hand was on the 
phone receiver, ready to answer. Since her cell phone was still 
out of service, he would call there. For a few seconds, she stared 
at the answering machine, her gaze temporary hypnotized by the 
blinking of the light indicating that someone had left a message.
    Again she looked at her watch. Thirteen hours.
    As expected, the phone rang.
    "Yes," she answered simply. She had no doubt about who was 
calling and why. A more detailed answer wasn't needed.
    "You're late."
    Rei shivered at the sound of his voice. To someone else, it 
might have sounded like his usual tone, but Rei could detect the 
disappointment and reproach in his voice.
    "Major Katsuragi had to leave. I have to take care of Shinji."
    "Irrelevant. You will come here at once."
    The Commander's voice boomed like thunder in her hears. But 
the words didn't have quite the effect they normally would have 
had. Instead of being afraid, Rei grew upset.
    "Shinji isn't irrelevant!"
    A long silence followed this outburst, both people at each end 
of the line having been taken completely by surprise by it.
    "I won't tolerate such insubordination. You are to leave that 
child and report here immediately."
    Rei felt torn as if her very being was at war with itself. The 
Commander had created her, gave her a purpose, a life... and could 
take that life away and replace her with another. She owed him 
everything, not obeying him was a sort of sacrilege. But she had 
came to realize that this life was empty, perhaps with a purpose, 
but without meaning.
    Obeying the Commander meant throwing that new life away. Not 
in a physical sense, but rather in a moral one, as it meant 
throwing away all that was dear to her.
    Disobeying the Commander almost certainly meant death.
    "No."
    Rei took a deep breath. She knew that she was probably sealing 
her fate, but if asked to choose between Shinji and the 
Commander... then the choice became clear. She'd rather sacrifice 
her life for the child than the man.
    "The system can wait. Shinji cannot. Sayonara."
    Rei hung up the phone, leaving the Commander no time to reply. 
She then collapsed on the floor, feeling as if all her strength 
had been suddenly drained. She shivered and curled up in a ball, 
as she experienced for the first time in her life, true fear.
    There was no going back now. The die was cast. The only thing 
left was to go forward upon that new and dangerous path. And hope.

                              - - -

    If anyone had been with the Commander at that very instant, 
that person wouldn't probably have stayed alive long. An obvious 
fact, considering that the Commander was currently in the Dummy 
Plug Room and that only three other NERV members were actually 
allowed to enter this room, but that wasn't the reason why another 
man might have lost his life.
    The Commander was furious.
    It had started with total disbelief, an expression one would 
never have expected on the man's face.
    Not only had she disobeyed an order, but Rei had hung up on 
him.
    It had been enough for him to drop his cell phone. While the 
shock didn't blow the little piece of technology in pieces, the 
Commander's foot did, as Ikari saw the device as the nearest 
target for his anger.
    Rei had hung up on him! How dare she!
    While empty vessels, the Rei clones actually stopped smiling. 
They may have been soulless, but that didn't mean they were 
stupid.
    The Commander's anger died down quickly, however, with his 
phone as the only victim. Even if he was still the same short 
tempered man he had been back in the days where he was still named 
Rokubungi, years of practice had given him an almost complete 
control over his emotions. It was necessary if a man wanted to 
achieve the position he had today. So the Commander took a deep 
breath, pushed back his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and 
tried to assess how these latest events could fit into his plans.
    The Commander groaned. As it was, things were slipping out of 
his hands like fine sand.
    The failed Third Children rescue operation had thrown a monkey 
wrench into the perfect machine NERV had previously been, wreaking 
havoc in the Commander's plans. Nothing was going as planned 
anymore. The Sohryu girl was breaking down faster than expected. 
His key officers were beginning to doubt his decisions. And Rei 
was slipping out of his control. Not to mention Shinji's 
ridiculous state. The Commander had planned on Shinji either 
staying with Yui safely inside Unit-01 until his own 
Instrumentality plans came to fruition, or to come out and further 
help him in his plans. He hadn't planned on the boy to become, not 
only utterly useless, but also a distraction and a drain on NERV's 
resources.
    Now that he could actually think with a straight mind, 
Fuyutsuki's kidnapping was almost a blessing. Otherwise, Major 
Katsuragi would have stayed with his son and Rei would probably 
have contaminated the other components with her latest memories. 
Perhaps it was for the best to avoid further memory transfers. The 
components didn't need it at this point and there was little to 
gain in a fresh transfer. Rei's piloting skills were virtually the 
same and she hadn't fought any other Angel since the latest 
transfer, right after the Fourteenth Angel battle.
    The current Rei was becoming a threat to his plans and would 
eventually have to be replaced. As things currently stood, 
however, there was nothing the Commander could do about that. Rei 
was actually the only reliable pilot they had. If an Angel 
attacked in the middle of a component activation process, then the 
consequence would be disastrous.
    He would wait. Control over Rei wasn't truly needed while 
there were still three Angels left. The girl could enjoy her 
freedom while she still lived. His plans were flexible. As always, 
he would adapt, and keep going forward, toward his ultimate goal.

                              - - -

    Rei had somewhat calmed down as hours passed. No agent had 
been sent to terminate her, which was encouraging... at least for 
now. With the Major away, the timing would have been perfect. So 
either the Commander didn't care for now, or he was waiting for 
another time.
    Playing with Shinji had helped some. It was difficult for the 
girl not to feel happy in the child's presence. Today, it seemed 
that Shinji's favorite toy had been a light rubber ball. Rei had 
been amazed at first to see Shinji walk on all fours towards the 
ball, sit down and pushing the ball towards her, apparently 
expecting her to send the ball back. Such childish games had never 
been part of Rei's life, and she had enjoyed immensely this little 
game of throwing the ball back and forth. That is, until Shinji 
spotted his Rei doll and forgot the game to replace it by one of 
his favorite activities: chewing on the Rei doll. Rei had mixed 
feelings about that particular activity...
    Rei had just put Shinji in his crib, after changing his diaper 
and filling his small tummy with milk, when Misato came back. It 
didn't take much of a look at the Major to realize that she very 
likely had a very bad day. It showed easily on her face.
    "Rei, do you mind watching over Shinji tonight? I need to get 
drunk..."
    While the thought crossed her mind, Rei restrained herself 
from scolding the Major on her lack of resolve. Something was 
telling her that it wouldn't make matters any better.
    The Major walked toward the fridge, but as her hand reached to 
open it, she stopped. Apparently, from what Rei could guess, the 
Major had noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. At 
least, that was the direction the Major had been looking at when a 
shocked expression appeared on her face.
    Rei watched with curiosity as the Major almost clumsily made 
her way to the phone and pushed the button. Even from the living 
room, Rei heard the message clearly. She had excellent hearing, 
despite what a number of students at school who often talked 
behind her back seemed to believe. Not that Rei cared...
    "Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this 
message, after I've caused you so much trouble. Sorry. Please tell 
Ritchan I'm sorry. And there's one more thing to trouble you with. 
I've been growing... flowers. I'd appreciate it if you could water 
them. Rei knows where they are. Katsuragi, the truth is with you. 
Don't hesitate. Move ahead! If I can see you again, I will say the 
words that I could not say eight years ago. Bye."
    The Major had begun to cry while listening to the message, 
tears falling on the wooden table, but once the message ended, it 
was as if all strength had suddenly left her and the woman simply 
collapsed.
    For a moment, Rei wondered what to do. Rapidly, she tried to 
piece together the information she had, which merely consisted of 
the Major's reaction and the message she had heard. Kaji Ryouji 
was dead. It surprised Rei to realize that this conclusion 
somewhat saddened her. She had not known the man very well, but 
she realized that she wished she could have. This sadness, 
however, was nothing compared to what the Major obviously 
experienced. Rei didn't know what to say or do. Sadness was not a 
feeling she was familiar with. It was not something she was 
accustomed to. She had never paid attention to grieving people 
before. But this wasn't a common stranger. The woman weeping on 
the floor was the only person who had been nice to her without 
ulterior motives, save for Ikari-kun. That person was... a friend. 
Rei felt a need to do something for her, to... comfort her.
    But she didn't know how.
    She watched the woman cry, feeling her throat become dry as 
each sob seemed to strike something within her, something deep and 
powerful. The girl found her eyes becoming hot and itchy, and was 
surprised to find the tip of her finger moist as she traced the 
edge of a crimson eye. She knew, somehow, that the pain the woman 
felt was something more powerful than anything she had experience 
in her short new life and even her heart, hardened with time, 
found itself sharing a small part of the Major's pain.
    She didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to do 
something. Then, she remembered the night before. The Major had 
thought that she had been upset with her, and had hugged her. 
While surprising, the contact had also felt reassuring at the 
time. She also thought of the time she had run from the park, hurt 
by a little boy's comments. She had only felt better once she had 
reached a tramway where she had been able to take little Shinji in 
her arms, his presence feeling vaguely reassuring. She could also 
remember how strangely good it had felt, despite the pain, when 
Ikari-kun held her hand, then helped her stand up, after she had 
nearly been killed in the Fifth Angel battle. Did physical contact 
bring comfort?
    Awkwardly, the girl walked toward the woman and slowly knelt 
down near her. She didn't have the opportunity to do anything 
else, as the Major grabbed hold of her and started to weep against 
her shoulder. For a moment, the girl remained stiff, before 
relaxing and tentatively putting her arms around the woman to hold 
her. It was a strange feeling. Good, warm...
    "Katsuragi-san..."
    Calling the woman 'Major Katsuragi' no longer seemed 
appropriate.

                              - - -

    For a long time, Misato held Rei as a lifeline, something 
concrete to focus on to avoid drowning in her sorrow.
    In the end she had been right and wrong. Kaji had been just 
like her father: choosing his calling, his need for the truth, 
over her and leaving her behind, hurt, broken. As her father had 
done with her mother, and even, in a way, herself, despite 
ultimately giving up his life to save her. But Kaji had loved her. 
While her father had stopped caring for her mother, Kaji never 
forgotten her and loved her all this time. Even if she had driven 
him away, all those years ago. Despite all her attempts to ignore 
him, he had loved her. He hadn't said the words, but, with those 
subtle words, he had made it clear in this last message to her 
that he had loved her. More then anything, this was probably what 
hurt most. Not his stupidity, but hers. All this time, wasted 
because of her fears, her incapacity to trust others and be 
involved in a relationship, her fear of becoming as weak as her 
mother. So much time, innumerable precious moments that were now 
forever lost, wasted.
    She called his name in a heartbreaking moan, its sound almost 
burning her tongue, before crying again. Of course, no one would 
ever answer that name again...
    After some time, minutes or perhaps hours, Misato didn't know, 
she managed to control herself enough to ask Rei to help her to 
her room. Once there, she buried herself under her covers and 
resumed her weeping in privacy.
    When she finally ran out of tears, she reflected back on their 
moments together. How they met for the first time, how he had 
caught her in his arms after she had fallen from a table she had 
been dancing on, too drunk to stand straight anymore. She winced 
at the embarrassing memory.
    Then she remembered when they met the next day, how she had 
felt herself drawn by his roguish looks and found herself unable 
to refuse his offer for a date. The time they first made love and 
the following week were perhaps the moments of her life she 
cherished the most. How she told him they should never see each 
other again, the hurt visible in his eyes. Their reunion on the 
Over the Rainbow. Those little times they met following that day, 
tension almost tangible in the air, her own feelings at war 
between ignoring him and bringing his lips to her.
    Eventually, her heart felt as if it was numb, perhaps tired of 
all the grief, and Misato managed a semblance of rationality. Yes, 
a big part of her life was gone for good, but there was still a 
lot for her to cherish. She had her family. Pen-pen. Shinji. The 
newest member, Rei. And even Asuka. Yes, it wasn't too late to 
bring Asuka back home...
    It would probably be what Kaji would want her to do.
    But not now, not today. Now was the time for tears. Maybe 
tomorrow, and if not, perhaps the day after... Once she was over 
the grief, then she would find the strength to go forward.



[To be continued...]



Author's notes:

Asuka's room in Headquarters is inspired by the room used for the 
Children synch training in the manga. Some may have recognized the 
design. Or not, I was never good at descriptions.

The answering machine scene seems familiar? Well, I may have 
borrowed and recycled bits from TOILI chapter 8. A bit shameless, 
but hey, that scene worked the first time! ^^;

I don't know if any of you noticed, but in this timeline (as well 
as the one in TOILI actually), Kaji called earlier than in the TV 
series. As said on the message (a bit I removed), when Kaji 
called, it was "two minutes past two", but in this case I made him 
call early in the morning. There's two reasons for this: first it 
was more convenient for Kaji to call in the morning (so that no 
one would be able to answer) and most importantly... I never quite 
noticed the "two minutes past two" when watching the series and I 
was SURE that Kaji had called early in the morning (so actually in 
my mind I had him calling in T3B _later_ then what I thought to be 
the time of his call in the series). My thanks to Deina for 
pointing that out ^_^

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