Somethin

After a long holiday abroad in the mystical land of Chickentopia, (just of the south coast of Madagascar then turn left. you cant miss it... looks a teeny bit like Africa...actually, I tell a lie, it IS Africa...) Anyway, After spending considerable time amongst the chickens there, I have learnt the language. for example : 'Cluck-cluck-b-clerk' means 'Hello and good morning' and 'cock-a-doodle-doo means' : 'good god I'm randy. Any of you fine lookin' bitches wanna fuck?'

Anyway enough of the languages. I didn't spend 2 years covered in shit and feathers there to teach you to speak the language. I was on a far more important mission...

After a number of reports of a chicken-line in Portugal, I packed my bags and hidden camera equipment and set off for Braga in the north of Portugal. Upon arrival, I set up my camera on the underside of a remote control frog and got comfortable. After only 3 days, it started.

Note how the chicken's seem to be lining up in an orderly fashion, so as not to rouse suspicion. The small child on the girls bike seems to have noticed something wrong. but the mysterious man in a hat is not bothered by this strange turn of events. Thinking nothing of it I continued to observe the chickens.

You may have seen for yourself, chickens often line up near walls for what would seen no-reason. This is wrong, for some chickens have a secret agenda... Many humans do things for a high; smoke, drink, jump out of moving vehicles, eat hair, tame wild mice and milk platypus' this is also true of the common chicken. The chickens sometimes need a buzz and as an alternative to scratching around in the dirt and pecking at seeds and insects, they stick their heads in deep fat fryers... Yes I know its unbelieveable, but I have managed to obtain some shocking images...

What happens in these chicken-lines you may find hard to believe, but after uttering a few words in chicknese (a sub language) one ore more of the chickens will levitate into the air and float off to a secret venue to begin 'dipping' as its become known in Chickentopia. However, as with many addictions, it can become dangerous. Sometimes the chickens heads become so hot and so well battered that their brains melt and the head falls completely off! Every now and again, the battered heads are found. A contact of mine in a providence of Sweden had these images couriered to me as soon as she found them.

Meanwhile, after going public with my investigation, humans began join in the craze started by the chickens. After only 2 months there had been a 100% mortality rate. Every human that tried to reach the same buzz as the chickens die in agony. As would be expected after dipping your head in boiling oil's and fats. Shortly, Riots began. people began hunting down chickens to torture them to try and find the secret. Groups of pro-chicken enthusiasts came to clashes with the Activists. Scanning through some footage of one of these riots I noticed a familiar face... The mysterious man in a hat...

It was the mysterious man in a hat. Again. Acting casually as if nothing was the matter. After putting a significant part of my time and money on the line I contracted a stalker friend of mine to track him down. Sure enough, after a few weeks success. She had tracked him to a barn on the lagrest chicken ranch in sunny Russia. I'll leave you with one of the incredible images I received...

Its is my belief that the mysterious man in a hat is none other then Monkey McStompin. The leader of the great chicken rebellion back in 89' This images shows him with his gay lover Wiggles the giant cockerel.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a Chocobo from Final Fantasy fame. They are not real, just made up by some sort of chicken obsessed freak. Besides if it was a Chocobo, it would be cute (have you seen them in FFX. man they are HOT.)