Scene Eight


Diane’s back porch two weeks later. Through the blackout we hear a heartfelt chorus of "Because You’re You" sung by DIANE and HER FRIENDS to the tune of "Because You're Mine.". Then the lights rise, and we see that the rattan furniture is now spread out over the room in their original places. We also see a group consisting of RICKIE RICHARDS, ZONA, BUSTER PARKER, BIFF WEYGANT, EVIE, HAM, BETTY CLAIRE, CHUCK, DODIE, BABS, DICK BAXTER and DOUG MACMILLAN. DIANE is on ROSALIE’S right, and JIMMY MOORE is on her left. Notably absent is Sharlene.

The boys we have not met previously are a homogeneous assortment of hairless faces, crew cuts and pug noses. JIMMY MOORE looks like the runt of the litter. RICKIE RICHARDS is the handsomest of the lot. HE is chewing a long weed. Whenever we see him from now on, he will be chewing a weed.

There is a decided change in Rosalie’s appearance. She is wearing lipstick, a soupcon of rouge, harlequin glasses and a dark semiformal. She is still homely, but not nearly as homely as before. What is even more striking now is her resemblance to Diane. Although their features and figures are totally dissimilar, their hairstyles, jewelry, makeup and clothes are almost identical. ROSALIE’S arms are laden with gift boxes, and the ones she can’t carry are held by JIMMY. CHUCK has a bottle of booze in his hand.
 
 
CHUCK
Come on now. Let’s have one more toast to Rosalie.

DIANE

                                           (grabbing the bottle from his hand)
You’ve had enough.

CHUCK

Aw, come on, you old iceberg. This is the only place minors can drink.
                                             (grabbing the bottle from her)
Come on, everybody. Let’s sing "Because You’re You" again.

DIANE

I said no. Rosalie’s got to get some rest. Tomorrow’s a school day, and this has been a very busy two weeks for her.

ROSALIE

Yes, it has.

DIANE

Jimmy, you take her straight home.

CHUCK

Not yet! First we gotta sing the school anthem. Come on, fellas…
                             "We’re loyal to you, Mineola,
                             "We’re white and we’re blue, Mineola"…

DIANE

Betty Claire, for God’s sake, take him home!

CHUCK

Aw, you got no school spirit.

BIFF

Just one chorus of "We’re Loyal to You"!

DIANE

No. Rosalie felt a cold coming on before. How do you feel now?

ROSALIE

My throat’s still a little sore.

DIANE

Jimmy, take her home this instant.
                                     (with surprising affection)
Goodnight, Rosalie.

ROSALIE

                                    (to the Group)
I don’t know what to say. You’ve all been so wonderful. This has been the most exciting two weeks of my entire life. And that "Because You’re You" party at Hanahan’s Hideaway tonight was the most beautiful party I’ve ever been to…all that elegant food spelling out "Rosalie". I’m only sorry that Sharlene got so sick she had to throw up and go home.

JIMMY

The excitement was too much for her, I guess.

ROSALIE

And all those wonderful presents. I just don’t know what to say, except thank you. Thank you, Zona, for that lovely bottle of cologne. And thank you, Evie, for this other lovely bottle of cologne. And you, Babs, for that beautiful jar of bath salts. And thank you, Betty Claire, for that lovely pair of pajamas. And, Rickie, how can I ever thank you and your father for these new glasses? I’m sorry the contact lenses made my eyes tear, but I hope he can resell them. And, Chuck, thank you for that exquisite football ashtray, and you, Ham, for the football piggy bank. It’s adorable. And, Diane…oh, Diane, how can I ever replay you for all the dresses and the underthings and the shoes and the stockings and the bathing suit and the dance lessons at Betty Beecher’s, and I don’t know what all. The presents are still arriving. And I feel just like Cinderella at the ball. But most of all thank you for getting my father that job as principal of Ojus Junior High. That was the sweetest thing you could have possibly done, and he is so happy. Of course he can’t help feeling guilty that the other principal who was there will be demoted to shop teacher.
                             (her eyes welling with tears)
I never knew people could be so wonderful. No matter what happens to me the rest of my life, I know that nothing will mean as much as this whole night with all my wonderful new friends. (SHE kisses Diane on the cheek and rushes through the door. JIMMY follows her. GROUP, except for ZONA, is so touched they can hardly speak.)
RICKIE
"Just like Cinderella at the ball."

BABS

"Nothing will mean as much as this whole night with all my wonderful new friends."

DIANE

That’s one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever known.

ZONA

With one of the most famous brothers in the country.

DIANE

I don’t care who her brother is! If you could have only seen her these past two weeks like I have. Do you know the other afternoon at Hanahan’s Boutique when we were buying her dress for the Christmas Dance, she kept thanking me and telling me I shouldn’t spend money on her like that, that I should buy Christmas seals instead.

DOUG

No foolin’.

DIANE

That girl is so lonely and misunderstood it could almost break your heart. And it’s all because of that mother of hers. Every time I go over to that tasteless little house, her mother keeps popping out of the bedroom telling her she mustn’t let us do this for her and that she should be wearing her own clothes…those green things with those monster red zinnias! Can you imagine? And just this evening while I was helping her dress for the party, I heard her mother blubbering in the kitchen about how she couldn’t go through with this. She couldn’t go through with this. Can you beat that? I’m the one who’s doing all the work, and she can’t go through with this! Besides, you know, of course, she’s off her trolley.

DODIE

Her mother?

DIANE

She keeps sneaking up behind me and offering me these gooky pieces of pound cake. She calls them "pound cake incognito".

DODIE

There’s nothing wrong with that.

DIANE

But she’s got names for each piece. Betsy Ross, Nathan Hale, Paul Revere. Poor Rosalie. No wonder she used to be afraid of sex fiends in automobiles. It’s up to us to give her the confidence we can. I, for one, am proud to have her as a member of our group. And you ought to be proud to take her to the Christmas Dance.

HAM

I am, Diane. I am.

DIANE

Now you’d all better go home. It’s late, and I feel a cold coming on, too.

                          (THE GROUP begins to disperse.)

ZONA

How on earth did your father manage to get her father that job at Ojus?

DIANE

It wasn’t easy. But they’re killing two birds with one stone. He’s not only going to be principal, he’s also going to be football coach.

DICK

Goodnight, Diane.

EVIE

It was a super party!

BUS

I’ve never been to a "Because You’re You" party before.

DOUG

We should have her get Art down here, then we can throw a "Because You’re You and Your Brother" party.

BABS

Good night, Diane.

HAM

I had to drive all the way to Palm Beach for that football piggy bank.

                                 (ALL, except BETTY CLAIRE and CHUCK exit through the porch door.)

BETTY CLAIRE

I’ll help straighten up.

DIANE

Bessie’ll do it in the morning.

BETTY CLAIRE

It’ll only take a minute.

DIANE

What do you think Bessie gets paid eight dollars a day for? (DIANE follows the others out. We hear cars starting up and more "Good nights." CHUCK comes up behind Betty Claire, puts his arms about her and starts feeling her up.)
CHUCK
Come on. I got the pup tent in the trunk.

BETTY CLAIRE

In a minute. I’ve got to help Diane straighten up.

CHUCK

I reinforced the pole so it wouldn’t topple over again.

BETTY CLAIRE

Wait outside till I’m finished.

CHUCK

Aw, pigeonshit!

BETTY CLAIRE

Oh, Chuck. It’ll only take a minute.

CHUCK

Okay, Beachballs.
                              (squeezing her left breast)
That Key Club pin looks pretty friggin’ good!

BETTY CLAIRE

                             (reaching out to slap him, but HE ducks)
Oh, youuuu! (CHUCK dashes through the porch door, drunk and happy. He almost collides with DIANE, who re-enters. During the next scene we can see CHUCK outside smoking a cigarette.)
DIANE
Betty Claire, I told you to leave it.

BETTY CLAIRE

Diane, I think it’s absolutely wonderful the interest you’ve taken in Rosalie and all, but golly, I mean…

DIANE

You mean what?

BETTY CLAIRE

Well, what I mean is…you’ve spent a fortune.

DIANE

It’s worth spending money on what might easily be our next May Queen attendant.

BETTY CLAIRE

Our May Queen attendant?!

DIANE

I didn’t say May Queen. I said May Queen attendant.

BETTY CLAIRE

I know, but still…

DIANE

Katy Euchner was the Junior attendant two years ago, and Lord knows, when you stopped and analyzed her feature for feature, she wasn’t any prettier than Rosalie.

BETTY CLAIRE

Maybe you’re right, Diane, but…this sudden interest you’ve taken in her…I mean…

DIANE

Wasn’t it your idea in the first place?

BETTY CLAIRE

Yes…

DIANE

But now that you’ve got Chuck’s Key Club pin, you’re not afraid of his going over to Margot’s side.

BETTY CLAIRE

It’s not that, Diane…I mean…I like Rosalie and all…but…

DIANE

But what?

BETTY CLAIRE

People are beginnin’ to talk.

DIANE

Beginning to talk about what?!

BETTY CLAIRE

About the way Rosalie’s startin’ to look.

DIANE

Rosalie’s starting to look like a human being.

BETTY CLAIRE

Yes, Diane, that’s true…but she’s also startin’ to look sorta like you.

DIANE

That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!

BETTY CLAIRE

Mrs. Fell told me that Margot was sayin’ just yesterday that Rosalie is startin’ to look like you through a pair o’ myopic binoculars.

DIANE

That bitch! Of course she’d say something like that. She’s dying of jealousy because Rosalie turned down her party for the Orlando football team in order to come to our "Because You’re You" party.

BETTY CLAIRE

Diane, Margot never even asked Rosalie to her party for the Orlando football team.

DIANE

That’s a lie! Rosalie told me herself.

BETTY CLAIRE

Margot told Mrs. Fell she never even considered askin’ Rosalie. And she also told her that Rosalie never went to the movies with her the night o’ your slumber party.

DIANE

And you’re going to believe Margot Robertson…after all you know about her treachery!

BETTY CLAIRE

Mrs. Fell keeps sayin’ that Margot never told her about our conversation in the girl’s locker room. You know that.

DIANE

Then who else could have told her?!

BETTY CLAIRE

I don’t know, but…but…

DIANE

But what?

BETTY CLAIRE

Now don’t get angry, Diane, but the way Mrs. Fell keeps hintin’ around, it sounds like it mighta been Rosalie.

DIANE

Rosalie!

BETTY CLAIRE

Now she’s never said it straight out, mind you. She’s just said things like we can forgive Rosalie now that she’s one o’ us.

DIANE

That old bitch is out of her bloody mind! Margot was the only other person in that locker room. You know that!

BETTY CLAIRE

Yes, Diane, but…

DIANE

Margot’s a prude! She’s always been a prude. Didn’t she slap Chuck so hard when he tried to tongue kiss her that she infected one of his pimples and it developed into a boil and had to be lanced?

BETTY CLAIRE

Yes…

DIANE

And they were going steady at the time!

BETTY CLAIRE

Still and all, Diane, we’re talkin’ about Rosalie now.

DIANE

You’re not worried about Chuck going back to Margot, are you?

BETTY CLAIRE

Now stop that, Diane. All I want to say is that I think Rosalie sort o’ stretches the truth sometimes and that we’d better be careful.

DIANE

I wouldn’t talk about people "stretchin’ the truth" if I were you, Betty Claire.

BETTY CLAIRE

What all dya mean by that?

DIANE

Just that ever since you came to Mineola you’ve been telling people how your daddy owned the largest cotton plantation in Macon until some mean old niggers snuck in one night with a basketful o’ boll weevil and ruined him for life.

BETTY CLAIRE

And that’s the Lord’s truth, on my Girl Scout honor!

DIANE

But it isn’t, Betty Claire. You were born in a tiny room in back of your father’s bakery where he sold very white cakes with very few eggs and absolutely no butter. And he didn’t die of a broken heart. He ran off to Chattanooga with your mother’s closest friend, and he died of the clap.

BETTY CLAIRE

That’s not true! That’s not true! Who ever told you a thing like that?!

DIANE

Mrs. Fell.

BETTY CLAIRE

She’d never! That’s not true! She’d never use a word like "clap"!

DIANE

Of course, she wouldn’t. But people just don’t die of "awful skin rashes", Betty Claire. So don’t tell me about poor Rosalie stretching the truth. Goodnight. Lock the door when you leave. (SHE turns imperiously and exits through the living room door. CHUCK enters through the porch door and comes up behind Betty Claire, grabbing her ass.)
CHUCK
Come on, Beachballs…

                              (SHE loosens his arms angrily and moves a few steps toward the living room.)

BETTY CLAIRE

Of all the…!

CHUCK

Come on!

BETTY CLAIRE

Just where is the University o’ Oklahoma?

CHUCK

Kansas.

BETTY CLAIRE

No. I mean what town in Oklahoma?
 
 


LIGHTS DIM