Wednesday, February 15, 2000
When i finally do give in to the night - turn out the light
There I am.... clutching PJ and Mr. Bunny tightly.... wishing they could protect me from it.
But it's there anyway.
It's there in the blackness of the room.
It's there in the kitchen light creeping it's way in under the door.
It's there in the rattle of the radiator... stirring of the monster
I want to scream "Stop, I've had enough of this!"
But when i open my mouth nothing comes out.
Instead, days later tears well up in my eyes waiting for a trigger to set them free.
Leaving me to guess where they came from...
Sometimes i rock... back and forth... stuffed animals in tow
Sometimes i rub my legs together... if I were a cricket what interesting music i'd create.
What is it, the depression, asking me to understand?
.......... that I'm alone with myself?
.......... that I'm angry with an unimaginable list of culprits?
.......... that I'm so sad I'm frozen stiff by my tears?
It says nothing - although I wait endlessly for word!
It merely exists in the blackness of my room,
.....in the kitchen light creeping it's way in under the door
and, in the roar of the my radiator.
And I am protected............