Wednesday, February 22, 2000
Understanding Nothing
recently i read in the newspaper where a woman was killed by her husband whom she had a protective order against. he had walked right up to the door, knocked, and when she opened the door he shoot her.... dead. now, some of you might say she shouldn't have opened the door. or, she should have been more careful. but, the problem is..... that man should have been worried - there was a protective order against him - an order that says if he goes anywhere near her he'll be put in jail. but, he wasn't scared a bit. now she is dead.
in 1995 i filed for divorce from my husband of 5 years. it was a difficult decision for me... yes, he'd been verbally abusive. yes, he'd been physically abusive. but, marriage was something that i DIDN'T take lightly - just like my preacher had said during the wedding. however, the time came where i couldn't live the way i was living any longer. his abuse had put me in the hospital - the psychiatric wing..... i didn't know what would happen next if i went home to him. STILL..... it was very, very hard for me to do - leave him.
in Indiana, when you file for divorce (at least at the time of my divorce) the respondent was automatically given a restraining order or protective order. i was fairly confident that Jeff wouldn't come after me however, it was comforting, in a way, to know i had this 'protection'. as it would turn out, he did come looking for me. to this day i don't think he intended to get physical but it ended up that way. i went to the police and filed a report and they put him in jail for mandatory 48 hours.
here's the kicker!!!
he wasn't charged with breaking the restraining order. they told me that there was no proof that he had been to my home..... they told me that women "make up stories" all the time just to be spiteful against an ex that left them.....
WHAT THE HELL!!!
seriously, what's the purpose of having a protective order if it's not going to protect you? And, what's the deal with women "MAKING SHIT UP" out of spite?
here's the thing.... i have a mental illness. i have PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). when i'm really sick, i don't think so straight.... BUT.... i couldn't possibly cause so much trouble for someone simply because i was hurt or angry or jealous or whatever the hell the case may be. i couldn't do that even in my worst state of depression.....
so i ask myself.... and you.... what kind of woman is capable of this? a sane woman? i think probably not. i think these women who make things up or exaggerate the truth.... i think they have some serious issues that need to be addressed. they obviously can not deal with the feelings they are experiencing inside themselves so they need to put the attention on someone else... they aren't willing to accept even partial responsibility for a bad relationship. it takes two people to enter into a relationship.... it takes two people to leave it.....
What's the big deal here, Jami?
the big deal is that because women have been so spiteful in the past, my ex-husband was never charged with violation of a restraining order. he was never held accountable for breaking the rules! he was allowed to go out and do it again.... if not with me.... with someone else. I'll never forget the look on the police officer's face when i said to him that it'd be his responsibility to tell my parents that i was dead because Jeff had not been charged with violating the order.... and he wasn't afraid of being charged for violating an order all because 'women make up stories' and i couldn't prove that he'd been at my house the first time.
thank God Jeff had half a brain (ok, he has more than that i'm sure). he left me alone...... but, i was lucky! i feel sorry for the women and their families, their children, who aren't so lucky.