January 1, 1999
It's a brand new year. Don't know who you are but, i know that you are out there. I feel you put your arms around me.... pull me close to the warmth of your body. I hear your voice calling out to me - saying i am ok - i'll be all right. I see you looking at me with sad eyes apologizing for something you haven't even done yet. I feel your breath on my neck as you whisper in my ear that you'll always be right here with me.
i know you can't promise.... Neither can i.
I can't promise that I can let you touch me - hold me. Not this time. Not this time.
I wish i could... My body craves the attention you give me. But, my heart aches for the attention you can't show it. I want you! Every part of you for most of the time..... I'd love to know where I could find you. I've looked in so many places for you. A few times, I thought I had actually found you. Now I'm sure it wasn't you because you wouldn't have let go of me... would you?
you would hold me and keep me safe - always - you said you would - even when you aren't with me! you'd still hold me in your mind. Keep me in that special place in your mind - that's what you said. What more can i ask.... funny, as i ask that question.... you slip away.... i can't feel your breath anymore... your warm body has disappeared.....
um, Happy New Year?