January 9, 1999
I just caught myself looking/studying the lyrics to a CD that Steve recommended to me..... looking for the "hidden message" he MUST have been sending me. Just for a second I thought I'd found it - then i caught myself. Stopped myself and decided that i am a sorry soul! Always, always looking for the meaning - looking for the hidden messages. There must be one somewhere. I've been searching for soooo long! I'm tired of searching - even though i'll continue the journey. I just want to live life - but that thought scares me - really scares me. It seems like such a hollow existence i have. so hollow.......
me