SATURDAY, JANUARY
22, 2000
My Family....
This journal entry has been a VERY long time coming. I'd like to say that i've written it somewhere in one of my paper journals but, i can't - i haven't. It's been floating around in my head forever... since i was little, little person... one reason or another i've just let it float there.
Every night i write a 5 & 5 in my paper journal - 5 things i accomplished during the day and 5 'things/people' i'm grateful for. One of the 'things' i never fail to write down that i'm grateful for is my Mom and Dad and their support and understanding - especially since i got sick this last time.
In the beginning i would write, 'my family' - not 'Mom and Dad'. I stopped that, though, because i've been dealing with issues surrounding my sister so much lately. Now, before you think i'm a really awful person - or that she is (for that matter), i have my reasons for needing to understand Kim, my sister, before i just shove her into my life as my 'sister'. BUT...... that is DEFINITELY and entirely a DIFFERENT journal entry that i am in no way prepared to write about today. So.................
What's my point today?
Well, the truth is, that i DO have a family out there...... and, for reasons that would take forever to describe we were cut off from eachother for about 20 years. However, 2 Novembers ago it all changed. They have reached out..... they send presents to me.... they send cards.... they email me..... they just plain ole 'share their love' with me.
'They' do have names.............. sorry. 'They' are my cousins....... first cousins....... Vanessa, Loretta, Lou Ann, Amber and Carrie. BUT..... it doesn't stop there...... Vanessa has a daughter, Heather, who has been just as loving and caring and sharing as her mother. And, now that i think about it.... her father - Keith - too.
There is other family out there too.... my Aunt (i think she is a 2nd - 3rd cousin actually) Wanda... my Aunt (who is definitely a 2nd cousin) Judy....... they have alllllll been so good to me - especially lately.... and, i have to say the computer and email have helped ALOT to bring them to me................
I just don't seem to reach back out to them......... i have an excuse, i suppose. i've been sick. BUT, that's not true. Well, it is. I have been sick, but, that's not why i haven't reached out...... haven't sent thank you notes or cards or anything like that........ i just haven't. And, i don't know why. I love them all very much. I just haven't known how to reach back out....... it's a strange understanding of something that should be so easy to figure out. Or, so easy to JUST DO! But, i've failed at it......
How easy is it to simply hit the reply key on an email? Or, to just drop a note in the mail saying thank you for thinking of me...... ... .. .
Not to change the subject..... but, i did change the name of my website to "Wandering Home". As tacky as this attempt to reach out may seem...... it's my first. I am "wandering back home" and in doing so this would have to be my first attempt at saying.........
Vanessa, Loretta, Lou Ann, Amber, Carrie, Aunt Wanda, Aunt Judy and ALL of the others........ I am sorry!!!
I hate New Year's resolutions because i have NEVER kept one....... but, i am going to try to reach back out to each of you............. I love you all!!!
I am grateful for you.... so very grateful for you..........
kisses from me....... jami