Wednesday, January 25, 2000
I'M ANGRY......
hi....
i know, i shouldn't use this page to rant and rave and whine about my problems all the time - even though that's all i do..... i saw my 'new' therapist for the second time. her name is Lisa. so, now there is Jonathan at Day Program and Lisa, the Private Therapist and soon there will be another therapist (stay with it!).
i discovered that i'm angry.
i knew i was angry. i just think i've been afraid of some of it...... so i decided to come here one last time before i move into the house (yeah, right - 'i'll be back') and just make a list of the things i'm angry about - at least some of them. i'm sure i don't know them all. i'm sure i'll forget some - even though i shouldn't if they are that critical to me. *shrug*
one of these days i'll realize that i'm just not as PERFECT as i think am........................... so, here goes!
i'm angry that i'm going to be separated from Mimsie for WAY TOO LONG!
i'm angry that he is married!
i'm angry that i can't seem to get my Dad's website done!
i'm angry that i can't figure out why i have the JavaScript errors popping up on everyone else's computer EXCEPT mine (ok, on a scale of 1-10 this is about 3 but, still it pisses me off!)!
i'm angry about Aaron - YES, still!
i'm angry that someone i know is 'so content' and it's not me and it's not WITH me (i think)!
i'm angry that i can't live in my apartment anymore!
i'm angry that i can't seem to take care of myself at the age of 33 (and a half)!
i'm angry that jonathan was sick Monday and Tuesday and couldn't talk to me today!
i'm angry that she treated me the way she did!
i'm angry that they didn't realize what was happening sooner!
i'm angry that i can't even picture myself working at the moment!
i'm angry that i'm still sick!
i'm angry that it is so hard to go to sleep at night!
i'm angry at my anger!
i'm angry that i can't seem to "get" myself to start the Big Move!
i'm angry i'm not in New Zealand right now!
i'm angry that he made me lose my job!
i'm angry that making this list doesn't seem to be helping like she suggested it might!
i'm angry that i'm not like her... or him... or them!
i'm angry at D - but i'm not... and that makes me angry!
i'm angry at myself!
and, lastly, i'm angry at myself because i'm angry - OOPS, i said that one. Wow, i must really be angry about it!!
lastly... ha - don't fool yourself, Jami, the list could go on!
i think i'm just tired.... i don't know what's wrong. Shit, you knew that - didn't you!
hmmm, i'm angry that i don't know what's wrong too... but, i'll stop!
sorry for the bitching and whining session. But, this is MY journal for ME and sometimes i just have to vent.
i hope everyone is staying warm - where it is cold and cool - where it is hot!
*smile*
have a nice evening............. kisses - if you want them! me