Ok, I'm freezing my ass off. I'm slightly tired. I'm not angry. I'm not afraid - just sorta bored...... and it's 4:00am!
You are so
damn loveable.....
but i can't love you because..........
.......... of this, or that,
.......... I'm not ready to love you,
.......... I'm 'in love' with someone else,
.......... if we'd only met years ago
.......... it's not my job,
.......... it's just not right......
but, you are so damn lovable....
I know i have shit to write. I mean, I want to write out my future - right here - and just follow it out - not have to think. But, i believe that's what I was doing before and it might just be how i got here in the first place. Who Knows.....
Beyond
Codependency
Passion
Confidence, Finding it and Keeping it
I've tried..... I've tried everything they've put in front of me. I've tried it all on and so far none of it has fit. Or, what did fit I've outgrown.........
I'm looking for freedom. This disease has been holding on to me because I haven't tried to move.... only settle in it's grips - reading this or that... listening to people around me.... My success has been based on someone else's standards - not my own.
I look at my mother and see strength, perserverance.... power. I look to my father and see more of the same. I look for those things within myself but i can't seem to recognize them - not the way i see them in my parents.
It's fitting that today is my parents' 40th Wedding Anniversary! (This year would have been my eighth.) It's equally fitting that we just celebrated Thanksgiving! How thankful I am that they are still together.... (and I am finally alone.... )
On the
Edge of Darkness
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Prozac Nation
The Celestine Prophecy
Wuthering Heights
The Dance of Deception.......
I Know This Much is True............ hmmmmmmm.....
kisses........ me
*note: the above lists are names of books that i have in my collection. it would take forever for me to list the author and publishing companies along with the titles...... i don't have forever..... (i need breakfast). HOWEVER, if you are interested in any of them please feel free to email me for more info! I'd be more than happy to share! jami