I remember when i decided to do this journalling project. I wrote about it in my paper journal forever. Named it a million and one different things..... in fact, it wasn't until the middle of the first entry that i decided to stick with 'missing pieces'.
As some of you know I'm BACK in therapy. For those of you asking yourself why BACK please read some of my past entries starting right around September or so........ otherwise, I'll assume we've beat the whole "i've been sick issue" into the ground and will just move forward....... (ha, part of recovering....errrrr)
Last Thursday I requested a different primary care person (therapist) at IOP. I asked if I could work with Jonathon this time around.... It wasn't that I didn't like Judith last time I was there (a whole 2 weeks ago). I did like her but, Jonathon..... hum.....
Jonathon chased my anger and I around the complex one day when Judith was 'out' and he wouldn't let me go.... he didn't have any answers for me..... and, frankly I could see it in his eyes! I could see that he wasn't going to lie to me and give me little bits of this or that to hold on to......... he looked as scared as I felt.
That is why I want to sit and spill my life out on the table ONE MORE TIME and search for these pieces or perhaps just ONE PIECE that will work......... that will fit. Jonathon isn't going to try to use something he tried (with or without success) on another patient....... he isn't going to wish my problems away... or try to teach me how to live with them without answers..........
At least that's my hope..... and when i looked him in the eyes that day he followed me around my insides wanted reach right out and grab hold of him soooooooo tight so that he couldn't get away..... That's the first time in my entire life that I didn't want to let go of a guy for reasons other than romantic, boyfriendy type reasons......
So, of course we have to talk about this.... Judith and Jonathon and I..... today..... this morning.... first thing....... Judith says to me.........
..... jami, she says, there is something missing here. There's a missing piece here and I can't find it........... that's what she said..... She said she wasn't sure jonathon was going to find it either...... blah, blah, blah.... and i wandered.... or my mind began to wander (not much unlike this entry seems to be doing).
Maybe I really am on the right track........... I did get switched to Jonathon.... I'm not looking for him to find my missing piece/s but......... he sure seems like he is better at puzzles than some of my other therapists......
kisses........... j