Everybody's been in my face Tellin' me I gotta make a change All i ever hear Day and Night is "You better hurry up and get a life". natalie imbruglia, intuition |
| I'm
going to be done with group/class soon. In fact, Friday
is probably my last day..... I'll be going back to work.
Yay! Money! I can pay my bills..... my debts....... So, Friday i'll be all fixed - all better. The hell that i've been through (that some of you have been through with me) this past month or so will be in the over. I'll go back to work and everything will be back to normal! *Excuse me as I pick my therapist up off the floor* It's not that i thought this 'episode' would make some huge impact on my life and i'd suddenly be "NORMAL". After all, i didn't just decide to go through this.... i didn't do it on purpose - didn't schedule it... and, quite frankly, didn't have anything to do with it happening - other than the fact i did schedule an appointment on a day that my psychiatrist was having a bad day - who knew? So, it's not like i took a Sabatical Leave and will now return to my old job refreshed and with a whole new outlook on life! it's not that at all............. What is it then? I guess through this whole mess (the poisoning) somewhere in the back of my mind I thought....... 'this time they'll fix me and i'll be ok - this won't happen again - i won't experience any more rollercoaster rides with Satan - I'LL BE NORMAL!' *I smile (Big Smile)! You shake your head - my therapist shakes her head and smiles* For those of you who have been with me throughout this ordeal you know something that I know too.... it's not a bad thing - it's actually quite healthy.... it's just not - what am i trying to say - it's just not ...... i don't know - for lack of a better term - NORMAL. About now you probably are ready to reach right through the blasted screen, grab me, shake me and say.... "J, you just aren't a normal person - no matter how hard you try....... you just won't be normal!" I know that! And, I know you mean that in a very complimentary manner! So, what's my point? *shrug* I guess I just figure that 'normal' might be a nice change of pace for a while. :o) kisses for you.............. j |