"i'm just taking a break", he said.
it occured to me that at 33 i could perhaps still be a crazed 13 year old........ begging for attention.....
but damn it, NO! i'm only trying to adjust to not having something in my life that i've grown accustomed to... that's normal....
of course that's it.
*shaking my head*
so many people tell me it's not the end of the world..... i agree
people tell me i'll get over it - put something else in it's place....... i agree (reluctantly at the moment)
they say that he'll get past himself and be back...... i wish to agree but........ if he did....... would i "take" him back and trust him with my feelings again...... trust him with my secrets? that 13 year old would in a heartbeat! i'm 33 now though and i've learned about these things........ *no answer*
DAMN JAMI!
you've just been through an experience that many wouldn't have lasted (or so they say). what is it with you that you forget all about this important stuff and focus only on some kid from across the world..... not even a love...... not even someone you've ever touched before....
*smile*
i'm obsessive-compulsive maybe?
i smile, again.........
you shake your head............ in disgust perhaps.......
i smile.... a big smile this time and say..... no, i haven't physically touched him nor him me...... but, something obviously was touched in some way and i liked it. whether it was a good thing or not..... i liked it. i took it in and allowed it to make me feel like a person......... it's just going to take awhile for me to realize that i was the person before the touch....... when i get there - when i finally take that concept in and learn to live with it..... i'll be much happier - i know that! but, until then..... i'm a little sore inside....... i want to be right now! i'm sorry that seems so silly. i'm learning, though! every day, every conversation, i'm learning and that's the important thing...............
i love you for caring...... as dangerous as that has been lately........ i do.
kisses for you........... jami