Sunday Morning.......
by now i'm sure you are so sick of my "woo is me" entries...... trust me. i hate them too. the problem is i can't seem to change them... or me or whatever. some of my friends have emailed me saying they've read my entries and are sooooo worried about me. or they feel sorry for me. THANK YOU for caring.
i thought about not writing for a while - until i get through this shit but, then i really wouldn't have anything to do......... as it is.... i wake up in the morning and i don't want to be awake. i got to bed at night and i can't seem to get there.
i'm supposed to go to work tomrrow and i'm afraid to do that.
I'M JUST AFRAID TO DO EVERYTHING. I DON'T KNOW WHY. IT HURTS TO CRY.
i see my doctor tomorrow.. and my therapist. what are they going to be able to do? i'm not sure.
i don't want to be alone and i don't want anyone around me. WHAT THE HELL?
What the hell, GOD? What the hell?
i gave this address to someone yesterday - a very important someone to me....... i'm not sure it was such a good idea. if i lose his friendship because he's scared off by what a freak i sound like here.... i will be soo sad. AND PLEASE don't tell me that if he's freaked out and won't be your friend.... he was never a friend to begin with.... it's not about being that kind of friend with us.... it's more like i've known him for so long and he's never known too much about this....... would he feel betrayed? i don't know.....
Please don't go.... Please don't go....
i'm lost.... and confused..... i want to give you kisses but i can't....... j