where do you come from and why have you come?

nothing in my life has a reason and i want one this time!

sorry, whiny, complaining about a life that some would die for.... some have in fact. others are out there dying as i write this.

it seems like a week doesn't go by without someone asking me why i quit teaching. i got sick. *shrug* can't help that. obviously it's not cool being unable to finish out teaching a school year..... after all... the kids need stability. Kids need regularity! "You can't give this to them from your bed at home!" Kids need so many things these days.... i just don't understand why we've stopped listening to them... asking us to listen to them.

DON'T TELL ME WE LISTEN! DON'T TELL ME WE DO ALL WE CAN!

so, why did i quit.... what do i plan to do in the future? where will I BE tomorrow?

stress isn't something i've been known to handle well. okokok, lots of people have problems dealing with stress. i guess i just became so dissillusioned by all the sad faces staring at me during class.... knowing that it's NOT MY JOB to be their friend. so many crying out silently. IT'S NOT MY JOB. well damn then.... who's is it? don't tell me it's the parents..... don't tell me it's Marilyn Manson or the latest in Prison Rap that's "screwed" these kids up! don't tell it the fault of those who advocate gun use... guns... oh please.... i'm sick of hearing these excuses and so are the students!

Where's the truth and who will listen to it?

my father used to say that if i could make a difference in just one student's life then i should feel proud.... successful. i watched, through the years, how many lives he touched. my dad is a successful man. i watched my mother do similar things in a library where movies were checked out more frequently then books. my mother is a successful woman. i tried to make a difference, Dad. it ate me up inside...... while i'm learning to take care of myself i don't know how i'll ever not see those faces.......

NO ONE will listen to ones who have the answers... who see more in a day than we can imagine happening in a life time... . NOPE! we'll just turn our backs on most of them because 1) they've got problems WE can't fix - or have the ressponsiblity to fix or 2) they're quiet... wouldn't hurt a soul.... TOO BAD their soul is torn and tattered. Funny about our insides.... they are hidden and unless we find an "acceptable" way to show them to the public they will stay that way.

the other day i wrote about possibly going back into teaching........ today i think about it. i love those kids! i love them dearly. i want to help EACH and EVERY one of them. it's tough to do that when you're trying to explain the quadratic formula or opposites. i always asked my students to leave their problems at the door! try to come in with an open mind to learn. looking out them i KNOW that isn't happening... i don't think it's because they don't want to leave them behind. i'm thinking about teaching again.......... i'm thinking.