Good Morning
Someone asked how i was feeling today.
pretty good for someone who's been poisoned and had her MIND DRUGS turned upside-down!
i think.
i went to the pharmacy today to find out about this Seretonin Syndrome...Poisoning... Crisis... whatever it's called. Specifically, i asked the pharmacist (the nice one) if she knew anywhere on-line i could check it all out. i couldn't believe it when she told me she wasn't on-line. but then that's neither here nor there. she did ask what i was interested in looking up. that's when i realized she didn't need to be on-line... she's got a frickin' computer in her head! so, she told me that it'd be at least two weeks before anyone could see a change in me. I'm not interested in what others see - she then added the part about it'd be about the same (2 weeks) before I (me, myself) would/could/should notice any changes!
AHHHHHHH....
i can not fell like this for that long! Damn it!
So that brings me today's topic! (yes, there is one)
how many of you
suffer from an illness that forces you to take drugs to stay
well?
Let's see a show of hands! Thank you.
i'm bothered by having to take drugs to regulate the seretonin in my brain. i've come to understand that it's necessary to take them. at least, i DID understand it all.... i thought.
it's rough being considered "mentally ill". your brain plays tricks.... you're down all the time.... some people even hear voices - I have to THANK GOD that i don't. Not that the people who do are anymore "weird" that i am it's just that particular "problem" is 1,000 times more awful to live through than mine. so...... here i am. it's taken me a long time to finally accept that there is this problem. No hard evidence - no blood work - no charts from tests to really prove just going on FAITH. because I KNOW there is something wrong. this is the frustrating part...... I break it down - get serious - stay on my meds - do the things beyond the meds to stay well..... ALL BECAUSE someone with a DEGREE tells me i have to.... and ya know, I was feeling better... lots better..... raving about how wonderful this doctor is for making me "all better" (i'm using that phrase VERY lightly). I trusted her.
she has "one bad day" and my life suddenly feels as though it being pulled through the wringer - literally.
"ONE BAD DAY". now i ask myself.... she's human, she should be aloud a few bad days - right?
"ONE BAD DAY". how do i know she hasn't had a few (bad days) before this one????
"ONE BAD DAY". I TRUSTED HER. not because it came easy to do so - because I HAD TO TRUST SOMEONE to lead me in a positive direction... with the drugs and feedback, etc. it was a conscious choice i made.
"ONE BAD DAY". I felt like i was losing my mind this morning at the breakfast table.... all i could think about was her (my doc) telling me at 6:30am, Wednesday morning that.... "well, that's impossible, j. you aren't crazy" the hell it's impossible - i felt crazy!
and i still do!
kisses............ of course, j