Watch Where You Step
Two male flies are buzzing around on a farm when they see a
female fly sitting on a freshly laid mound of horse flop. They
look at each other and one of the male flies says," I'm going
after that pretty little miss, .... wish me luck!"
So he swoops down onto another freshly laid pile right next to
the female, fly and says, "Excuse me, is this stool taken?"
Peg Leg
Many years ago, a girl was run over by her father's tractor when
she was very little, and, as a result, ended up with a peg-leg
which has to be replaced every few years, as she was growing up.
Her father was not a rich man, he was barely able to keep his
family fed, and he would carve his daughter a new peg-leg, when
she needed a replacement. the girl became very self-conscious
about the peg-leg, and never went out with any of her friends,
as they start growing up and dating boys. It wasn't that the
girl was unable to get around normally, it's just that many
children of the town were repulsed by the sight of a peg-leg.
now in this same town, it turns out that the son of the
blacksmith [whojust happens to be the same age as the girl in
this story] had one of his eyes put out by a spark flying from
his father's hearth, also when he was a little boy.
the blacksmith, as luck would have it, was also very poor, since
it was already becoming the age of the automobile, and there was
little call for his services, any more. they struggled as best
they could just to feed themselves, so the smithy carved his son
a wooden eye, which would have to do until the boy grew up, got
a job, and was able to afford a better one for himself.
never having had many opportunities to date, neither of these two
unfortunate youths was very adept at social graces. Finally,
however, there was the big high school dance. Everyone was invited
to attend, and there was a chance that either of them might find
someone to call a special friend.
as the night progressed, however, it became painfully apparent
to each of them that neither was going to be asked to dance or
join in the rest of the festivities.
finally, the smithy's son decided that he would ask the farmer's
daughter to dance. he plucked up his courage, walked over to
where she was sitting, and asked her the big question, "would you
care to dance?"
Elated beyond her limited experience, she stood up and replied,
"*WOULD* I?!?!?!"
Furious, he jumped back, pointed at her, and shouted, "PEG-LEG!!!
PEG-LEG!!!"
Revenge Against Store Clerk
This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the
counter for two cans of dog food.
"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.
"Yes, I do!" replied the puzzled customer.
"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have to
prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog
food."
Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and
pulled it on it's leash all the way back to the store.
"Here's my dog!" wheezed the tired customer.
"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."
Two days later the guy returns to the same store and goes up
to the same clerk and says:
"Two cans of cat food please."
"Do you have a cat sir?"
"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.
"I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you
cat food."
The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat,
drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail
for the clerk to see.
"Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food."
The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approaches
the clerk and places on the counter a white shoe box with a
small hole on the cover.
"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"
"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.
"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk
"Do as I say!" ordered the guy.
Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.
" Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy.
" It looks like S H I T said the disgusted clerk; to which the
customer replied."THAT'S RIGHT !!, Now give me two rolls
of toilet paper!"