The Announcement (Pun)

A minister of a city church enjoyed a few drinks, but his passion was

for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each

Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping

for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend

told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit

the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left.

So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make

a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member

of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin

on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have

an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his

kind gift of peaches... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

(By Alan Webster)

ENGINEERS VS. MANAGERS

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the

height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and

tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape

measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks

over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat,

measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the

managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.

"Isn't that just like an engineer, we're looking for the height

and he gives us the length."

Correct ID

From Juan Roberto:

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her

contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the

doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"