CREATION 101

God created the mule, and told him, "You are mule. You will work

constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You

will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much.

Please, give me no more than 20."

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You are dog. You will hold

vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest

companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

The dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too

much.  Please, no more than 10 years."

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall

swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and

you shall live for 20 years."

The monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the

world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years."

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only

rational Being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence

to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate

the earth and live for 20 years."

The man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little.

Please, Lord; give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the

dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected."

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20

years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then,

he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house

and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his

old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse

his grandchildren.

And it is so...

Received from MTBIKER842.

Phone Line

Ishar Rai and Bisher Rai were admiring their newly installed telephone.

Ishar Rai said, " Isn't the cord from the socket a mite too long?"

Bisher Rai said " That is no problem."

Bisher Rai picked up the telephone and dialled a number.

"Hallo. Is that the operator?" he asked.

"Good chap," he continued," The line of our telephone is a little too long.

Do you mind pulling it in from your end."

Subject: Bus Conductor

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor,

Fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.

Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours.

They strap him into the chair, flip the switch and he just sits there,

smiling.

According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is

freed.

Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.

Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him. This time theexecutioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he trieseverything - but the conductor won't die. So again, he is set free.

Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution. At this point the executioner can take no more, his professional pride has been hurt.

Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret -"What is it with the bananas?"

"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it," replies our friend. "I'm just a bad conductor."

Bill Stebbins

Live well, Laugh often, Love much...