What is a Cat?

1) Cats do what they want.

2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They're totally unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8) They're moody.

9) They leave hair everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece

of furniture in the house.

2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but

don't hear you when you're in the same room.

3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

4) They growl when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to play.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They are great at begging.

8) They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

9) They leave their toys everywhere.

10) They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give

you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny little men in fur coats.....

Fine Print

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On

returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were 2 boy

kittens & 2 girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied, "I think

it's printed on the bottom."

My Feet.

Another three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother

noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes

are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom,

I KNOW they're my feet."

How will that help?

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone

has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

The Seal

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began

putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers

and spread them all over the table.

"What are you doing?" his mother asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy

explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Prediction.

Can people predict the future with cards?

My mother can.

Really?

Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will

happen when my father gets home.

The Flea.

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The

man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city,

but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"