An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his

favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie

before he died.

He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs,

and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able

to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.

As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind,

his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?"

"They're for the funeral!"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college

student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends

asked.

"That is the talking clock", the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear

shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT

OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM !

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone

there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how

about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba

and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and

sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and

your friend come right in and join me for lunch! "

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they

leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing

Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour

and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I

was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in

and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is

very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to

Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the

masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I

can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I

know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on

the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed

toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges

with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he

finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by

paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope

came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on

the balcony with Bubba?"

Received from Toni Mack.

Original author unknown